NT partner of DX, currently NRX boyfriend. Looking for advice.
NT partner of DX, currently NRX boyfriend. Looking for advice.
Hi everyone. This is my first time posting here, and I’d really appreciate some advice.
My boyfriend was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and has known about it since he was around 10 years old. He’s very self-aware and understands that some of his behaviors are related to ADHD.
The issue is that ADHD affects both his life and our relationship. He forgets things frequently, gets distracted easily, and can be impulsive. I often feel like I have to remember things for both of us because I can’t fully rely on him to keep track of important details. It also impacts some of his friendships, not just our relationship.
He doesn’t deny having ADHD, and he does get frustrated with himself sometimes. However, his attitude is more along the lines of: “I don’t think there’s much I can do about it, and I don’t believe medication will really help me, so maybe we just have to live with it.”
He has tried several medications in the past. One caused heart palpitations, another didn’t seem to help, and another was apparently prescribed more for sleep-related issues. Because of these experiences, he has become very skeptical of ADHD medication. He was already somewhat distrustful of medication in general, and those experiences reinforced that belief.
I keep wondering whether he simply never found the right doctor, treatment plan, or medication. I've spoken to a physician friend who told me that many people see significant improvement once they find the right combination of treatment and support. But whenever I bring this up, he either gently shuts the conversation down or explains why he believes treatment won’t work for him.
I respect that it’s his decision, and I don’t want to force him into anything. At the same time, his ADHD affects both of us, and I’m struggling with how to talk about this without sounding controlling or pushy.
For those with ADHD, or those in relationships with someone who has ADHD:
How would you want your partner to approach this conversation?
And is it realistic to hope for improvement when someone already feels hopeless or skeptical about treatment?