Cybergrooming, feeling guilt and stupid and lost.
23 F. Venting because I am avtually looking for pple who might share the same feelings and/or experience. never told « seriously » anyone.
i was groomed online when i was 13 by a 40 YO pedo.
When i was underage, it‘s never gotten to a point of we actually did anything sexual IRL although he did ask me nude pictures & videos.
He was kind of the « archetype » of pedos ; told me lolita and leon were beautiful love stories, posted explicit pictures of school girls on tumblr, wrote sex‘ texts talking about weird dynamics, was turned on by me hugging my teddybear etc…
When I was 20, I was completely lost and kind of still attached to him and the whole fantasy (even though we were not even talking at the time). I asked him to meet up, convincing myself I was saying goodbye to an old ghost of mine, wanting explenations from him, etc. Ended up letting him kiss me.
now, I’m 23. And sometimes I think about him, like now. and i feel so stupid because ; it was ONLY online, and, well, it was a long time ago, and i let him « touch » me when i wasnt a minor. when i should have been wise enough.
I have never talked about this in a serious way, i mean when I have talked about this experience to someone close i was doing it in a « jokingly » way, because I feel like i should be able to completely move on, and i feel like its not that deep to me (even though reading some other cybergroomings made me wanna throw up and so much angry for pple, its not the same when it happens to me y’know ?)
idk. just wanted to share, and looking for pple who might understand what i’m going through ?
i don’t know what to do with those feelings ? i also feel rage, sometimes, because it’s so obvious to me that i wasn’t the only one, and that his computer must be full of p***** stuff, and probablt still my shit.
I wish i could trap him, protect other girls.