I hate myself
I don’t know who will this if any but who cares, putting this into words is better than keeping in my mind always. I hate myself, I hate everything about me, the way I look, the way I think, how lonely I am. In my mind it was my fault that it happened, every bad thing that has ever happened was my fault. Why I have no friends, why I do what I do and think what I think, the loneliness. What is it like to have friends and not be alone, I’ve been alone my entire life. I have never been close to anyone but I wish I could, I wish I could love and have someone who cares. There hasn’t been a day where I haven’t thought about killing myself, I think about it everyday, if anyone would care, if anyone would miss me. I won’t ever do it I don’t think but I guess it’s a force of habit now. Sometime I wish they could come back, but that boat has long since been gone. It’s been over two years since I spoke to them, I don’t know why I miss them, I miss feeling like someone was there even though they probably were not. Sorry for the long rant, I don’t expect anyone to see this, or respond but putting this into words is better than nothing.