Backing out of an arranged marriage proposal?
I (30F) was recently introduced to a man (35M) through a traditional arranged marriage setup. Initially, both families met, liked each other, and agreed to proceed with the proposal. After the preliminary meetings and discussions between the families, we started talking to get to know each other better before moving forward with the marriage.
On the second day of our conversations, he shared something important with me. He had been in a relationship with a woman during college. They eventually broke up, and she later married another man in 2020. She now has a child and is living with her husband.
A few years after her marriage, she reconnected with him because she was facing issues in her marriage. They resumed contact and, according to him, maintained a relationship. He also told me that her husband and family were aware of their relationship.
At first, I appreciated his honesty because he disclosed this information very early. However, as we continued talking, I realized that this wasn't just a past relationship. He still seemed emotionally invested in her.
When we met in person and discussed it in detail, he told me:
He still needed some kind of confirmation or closure from her side.
He planned to maintain contact with her as friends even after marriage.
He couldn't confidently tell me that chapter of his life was completely over.
At the same time, he told me he liked me, didn't want to lose me, and promised that he would never cheat on me. My concern was emotional commitment.
I am looking for a marriage where both partners are fully invested in each other. I want transparency, trust, and emotional availability. I don't want to enter a marriage wondering whether another person still has a significant emotional influence over my husband's life.
During our conversations, I felt that if we got married, I would never receive his complete emotional commitment. It felt like a part of him would always remain connected to her. He wasn't confident about his decision, and I wasn't confident about our future.
I genuinely felt sad for him because I think he's trapped in a difficult emotional situation. He didn't seem like a bad person. In fact, I think he was being honest with me. But I also felt that I shouldn't take such a major risk with my own future and emotional well-being.
So I decided to back out of the proposal, even though both families had initially agreed to move forward.
Did I make the right decision, or was I being overly cautious?