r/Arrangedmarriage

Hi, not making any claims but trying to make something about the situation being a guy. I am 35 male talking to a 34 year old girl in arranged marriage setup. I recently started looking into arranged marriage after relocating to India.

- Our parents live in same town. Girl's mom asked all our address - block, house number, address but refused to give their location (or even block number). Let children decide first. My father was not happy that they should not have asked all our family details either.

- Girls mom did not tell much about the father. She said he is in real estate. Girl has a sister who is doing MBA.

- Girl is working in a top company with 14 years of experience. As per her profile she is earning 50 lacs of base pay. But she has no linkedin. She says she never felt the need for LinkedIn as she hates social media. I too hate social media, no facebook/insta but I have a linkedin.

- But she is staying in a shared PG of a tier-1 city. I checked rent in PG in that city, it is between 5000 to 7000 INR for shared. She says she often changes PG as sometimes girls sharing the room are not good. I asked why not get a flat or individual room, but she never answered.

- On one occasion, she was talking about public transit safety for girls in night. I mentioned a car might be good as it would give her more independence. She said she is scared of driving, and individual cars are bad for nature.

- She is good to talk. Lot of things are similar, we seem to like each other. Her mother told my mom she has never seen her daughter this happy after she met me. We have been talking for 15 days, and met once. She says she doesn't want to drag things for long. I mentioned even I have no intention, I want to meet her in-person once. We should at least talk for 3 to 4 weeks, and meet at least twice. I am ready to take flight just for the weekend for that. She said she is not into dating and meeting again and again. She declines video call too saying she is shy. My point was sometimes its easier to talk freely when seeing each other.

- Also, I became US national last year. I wanted to be in some advance stage before telling this to her when we meet in-person again. Maybe I am thinking to just say, benefit if you get into something legal/fake case, countries do use their diplomatic clout to ensure their citizens get fair chance. Just as a test.

Just curious. Is there something off? Or I am reading too much. I am bit skeptical of girl's family finances. If there is any financial dependencies, should I clearly ask her. One of my distant friend went with something where girl family did ask for a huge amount otherwise take the legal consequence.

I know most people are nice, but Indian laws are maybe making me paranoid? Thanks

Hi all,

This question is for all the men who are either looking to get married or married or engaged.

If you are going to have or have a working wife then if she is cooking 3 meals for your family in a day.

If she asks your mother to help with cooking to which she replies with 'it's your job, so you take care of it, be a responsible bahu'

How will you take it?

What will be your action?

M here. I recently matched with someone on a matrimony app. We exchanged numbers and had our first call.

She spent most of the conversation talking about herself—how she's stubborn, doesn't like being told what to do, and values her privacy. I barely got a chance to get a word in.

The next day, we agreed on a time to talk again.

When the time came, neither of us called. After a while, she messaged saying she'd been waiting and that she expects the man to make the first move because that's how she judges whether he's genuinely interested.

That was enough for me.

If two adults mutually agree on a time, either one can make the call. What didn't sit right with me was the expectation that only one person had to prove interest.

Didn't argue. Didn't explain. I just realized we weren't compatible and moved on.

The AM process never fails to surprise me.

TL;DR: First call was one-sided. Second call, neither of us initiated. She later said she expects the man to make the first move to prove genuine interest. I realized we weren't compatible and moved on.

I don’t get it when I have seen people who are using FWB tags on their shaadi.com profile so is this a new Tinder or what?

I (28F) connected with a guy (31M) on Shaadi. Our parents exchanged horoscope and my mom checked and it matched. That guy messaged on Shaadi saying mentioning his number that he might be a little busy for next two weeks but will try to respond if he sees any message. I just replied with okay cool. But he did not ask for my number or text anything later. Should I start the conversation? Since parents are also involved Im a little confused if I have to wait till his parents confirm on horoscope. Is it okay for Women to start conversations in AM set up? I just don’t want to look desperate.

I'm turning 30 next month, and I've been struggling with a decision.

I went through a breakup not too long ago. I'm in a much better place now and feel almost fully healed, but there's still a small part of me that's healing.

I've always gotten a decent number of quality marriage matches, and that's still the case now. Recently, I met someone who is genuinely kind, emotionally mature, respectful, and has all the qualities I'm looking for in a husband. He seems sincere about marriage, and I know it's not easy to find someone like him.

The dilemma is that, while I really like him, a part of me feels I should remain single for another year or two. Deep down, I feel that time on my own would help me fully heal from my breakup, build my confidence, and grow into a better version of myself before getting married.

At the same time, I'm scared that once I turn 30, the quality of my marriage prospects may decline or that I may not attract the same kind of men. That fear makes me wonder if I should move forward with this proposal now, even though my heart is telling me to wait.

For those of you who are already in your 30s, I'd really appreciate hearing about your experiences.

1. Did the quality or quantity of your marriage matches change after turning 30?
2. Did you notice any difference between your early 30s and your mid- or late 30s?
3. If you chose to wait instead of marrying someone who seemed like a great match, do you regret it, or are you glad you waited?
4. Looking back, what advice would you give someone in my position?

I'm looking for real-life experiences, especially from women who have been through this themselves.

Hi, I am 29 M Software Engineer earning 29.5 LPA and I have been talking to a girl for about a month. Its a typical arrange marriage process where I only had a chance to meet her with family but we have been in touch over calls for the past month.

Yesterday I got a call from girl's cousin brother who is asking for my salary slip, Aadhar card, 10th marksheet and graduation marksheet.

I could have understood till the salary slip and already shared that to him but other things seems so weird and unreasonable to me.

I spoke to her and she said she is ready to share hers as well and was telling that her brother wants to verify maybe my DOB and If I am graduated. I feel like why would my company give me an engineer's job without me being graduated ?

Then later her father told my father that they want to see our other houses too . For context they have already visited our house once.

I don't know if I am thinking too much but all this seems very unreasonable to me. Am I thinking too much or is this common in this process ?

I've been observing one rhetoric for a long time in this app.

"men in AM are losers who can't find someone on their own"

I'm sorry, it takes two to get a match. Women are actively participating in AM even in this sub you can see tons of women seeking advice. How come no one says women are losers?

Hilarious thing is, this mindset exists in this sub too. I don't get it

https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/s/uEy0S4rZ2I

I’m a 32 M and search for a bride in AM has been going on since a couple of years now. But it hasn’t been successful so far. I come from a middle class family with not so much family wealth. I am myself not a super ambitious person and currently work as an HR earning 11 LPA. So we have been looking for brides also from similar backgrounds.

Recently I had attended a function with my family and one of the guest aunty there just got talking to my mom and it came up that she has a daughter living in London, 29 years old and looking for a groom. Aunty was actually really nice and they were not as demanding as some of the families we had met. They just wanted someone who is nice, treats their daughter well and is supportive of her ambitions. Apparently their search has been hard because a lot of guys and their families want her to move in with them (not have a separate house) or completely uproot her life in London to move to the place where the guy is, or just have a lot of domestic expectations from the girl.

I talked to the girl and I was shocked to learn that she works in investment banking making over 100k GBP. She is also not ugly at all and takes care of herself really well physically and is active too. She explained her struggle of coming from two worlds and that as the reason why she has been struggling to find a partner. They had restriction on caste and that is why she has not gone the dating route. But when she found someone in her current life situation, they would struggle to understand and relate with her background (humble middle class family from India) and hence things haven’t moved forward.

She says she doesn’t have any problem if the guy is initially dependent on her but want him to find a career for himself atleast in a few years there. But important thing is someone who is understanding of her and supportive of her ambitions while also supporting her family.

I am explaining all of this, for you all to see any red flags I am being blind to right now. Because in my view this seems too good to be true and perfect for me but I want to move cautiously. But in last 4-5 long conversations we have had, I did not see any ego or too much arrogance from her side.

But I also know that it is not usual for a guy to move to where the girl is and be dependent on her financially initially, so I’m being a bit hesitant to pursue this further.

Matched with a connect on matrimonial platform in feb-march 2026. Chatted for a week, met once, talked for a few hours and after which the conversation died off in a day or two. I think we barely scratched the surface, maybe there were some things which didn't get off well which I think maybe I know what it is not exactly sure but there was no closure. Now it's been a little over 3 months we're still connected on the platform. Should I maybe reach out again if she'd be still interested in talking past the surface level conversation? Seems we're both still on the lookout, so I thought maybe why not try reconnecting again! I know it's not a point if there's no mutual efforts in responding back etc but then there are stories of people wherein the chase has also helped them. So even if there's a 1% chance maybe why not? Thoughts?

​

Bro, how are you filtering the girls whose marriage proposals you're getting?

I mean, I had rate myself around a 7/10, but the girls whose proposals are coming my way are all 9/10 in my eyes. It's honestly getting difficult to filter them.

I've already turned down the ones who seem way out of my league, but how do I choose among the rest? I'm getting two or three proposals every month.

Sometimes I even wonder they could have had a love marriage, so why are they entering the arranged marriage process?

Help your bro out.

I'm a divorced woman in my early 30s, and after taking time to heal, I have recently started considering remarriage through the arranged marriage process.

One thing that has been bothering me is kundali matching.

My first marriage was arranged. Our horoscopes were matched, families were happy, everything looked "perfect" on paper. Yet the marriage ended in divorce.

Now, while looking for a second marriage, many families still ask for my birth details before they even want to know me as a person. Some conversations don't even move forward because the kundali don't match.

I am honestly confused.

If horoscope matching couldn't predict whether my first marriage would last, why is it still treated as the biggest deciding factor the second time? I completely respect that many families believe in astrology, and I'm not trying to criticise anyone's faith. I am just finding it difficult to understand after my own experience.

Sometimes I wonder if people who have already gone through a divorce think differently about this, or if family expectations remain exactly the same.

For those who remarried through the arranged marriage process after divorce:

• Did your family still insist on kundali matching?
• Did your own opinion about it change after your first marriage?
• Were you able to find families who cared more about compatibility, values and communication than horoscope matching?

I'd genuinely like to hear real experiences from people who have been through this.

\> It would shut my parents up

\> I always genuinely assumed that I'd meet someone, fall in love and we'd get married...but that just hasn't been happening... I'm 29 M, not very good looking tbh but I believe I'm a fun person to hang out with...I do feel very lonely nowadays, really do want to fall in love or atthe very least have a partner to share the highs and lows

Tbh, I just do not like the idea of arranged marriage for multiple reasons...but heartbreak after heartbreak has led me here!

I (32M) got engaged recently. My fiancée (31F) lives in India and I live abroad. After engagement my fiancée complained that I am very emotionally distant and I don't engage in romantic talk or texting. This is true and completely valid.

Something about myself: I never had a relationship till now. I grew up very sheltered in an upper middle class family where academics was the main focus. Left India 11 years ago for higher studies, then got a job, and life continued. A few years ago, I decided to practice stoicism as a cure for the rejection that I was getting on AM apps. That included self love - loading up my agenda with activities including work, gym, books, cooking. Everything ran according to a time-table. I learned to become emotionally inert, to bury emotions deep inside by doing stuff and not taking a pause. It worked WONDERFULLY. Last two years were the best years of my life.

Then I got engaged through AM and I am finding it hard to bring those emotions back from the depths. For example, I don't feel anything when I watch a romantic or horror or thrilling movie. I don't get disappointed or excited that quickly. It is as if some later of tissue in my brain got deactivated and the signals are not flowing anymore. Everything in life feels like an action item to be completed, box to be ticked, and not a moment to be savoured.

I can understand how my fiancee feels. If I cannot provide her with the emotional support, it will break our engagement. The worst part is, I will not feel bad about it, because I feel dead inside.

Help me.

We see each other but never interacted.

I accepted the req and then she cancelled it.

What was that all about?

I am from Rajahmundry, and near my grandmother's house there's a very traditional Brahmin priest (pujari) family. I recently heard that there was a wedding in their house. Apparently, they don't invite outsiders or even let the neighbours know, but people usually find out through house helps.

From what I was told, the groom was around 15–16 years old, and the bride was under 10 and hadn't even reached puberty yet. My mother also said that this family has a practice of marrying all their grandchildren at a very young age—girls before puberty and boys when they're around 14–17.

I was honestly shocked to hear this. I know my own grandparents were married at a young age too, but that was almost 80–90 years ago. It's disturbing to think that in 2026, child marriages might still be happening in some places.

Has anyone else heard of or come across similar incidents in their area?

My husband recently told me something that has shaken me deeply. He said he is “not into me anymore” and that being in this marriage feels like “labor” for him.
The context is complicated. He has been managing several household responsibilities, including going up and down daily to bring food because of strict kitchen rules set by his mother. Due to ongoing tension around kitchen duties, I stopped participating in that part of the household work.
He also handles other tasks like bringing clothes from outside and organizing things like the almirah. Over time, he seems to feel that the responsibilities are uneven and exhausting.
On top of this, he raised issues about my communication style, lack of physical intimacy, and general dissatisfaction with the marriage. Eventually, he said he doesn’t want to continue in the marriage.
I’m trying to process everything without reacting emotionally, but I genuinely don’t understand how things escalated to this point or whether there is any realistic way to fix it.

Guys, just a heads up like I am going through an AM setup. Am coming from a medicine field. My parents have seen alliance from US.
He is my relative only working in US.We r from INDIA. We r in talking stage for past 1.5 months.
In the initial phase first 2 weeks felt good,was amazed by his character but still I felt am not being connected with him like it felt distant. After 3 weeks,he said do videocall I want to connect to ur parents,so thay gain confidence in me coz he may visit india sometime late only so he said.And my parents connected with him over vc and they interacted very well and both felt good. Then I asked him for a video call,he then did called
me like it was the first time am seeing,was more excited before vc,then he called me we spoke like normally like what to say I couldnt get that fiancee feel coz he didnt show any smile or excitement upon seeing me I felt very bad then surprisingly call got disconnected then we connected over audio call I asked him directly why didnt u show any feel or anything to me like u r not even curious in seeing me.He told we were talking for 3 weeks so I felt normally he told.Then I accepted and again we spoke daily.In the initial phase itself he used to reply very late in whatsapp cuz he told am not a text person and I accepted that too then in call we used to speak normally but everytime he used to say he has completed this journey and he used to connect everything with god. I analysed very clearly that he is highly interested in God related scriptures and one day I questioned him what will u do and how will be ur routine,he then told me he will be doing meditation and reads bhagavat geetha on daily basis and chants some thing extra.I really pissed off then I only asked him r u on spiritual journey he told yes but I completed I will take the lessons forward in my life he told. I am a person who visits temple and pray to God that is spiritual to me.I wont do these all stuffs.And I came to know he used to attend Swami Mukunanandha lectures and retreat and JK yog organisation andall.In instagram also he is following all those God related stuffs and guru pages.I connected all the dots and then felt like thats why he didnt show any excitement towards me. He is highly into this path.I was wondering even my friends and unknown ppl used to say am looking pretty andall he never said any sweet words.I am highly questioning myself whether to take forward or drop this. I am person who needs love and normal relationship like everyone here God is centric part of his life, how can I expect him to be normal. I asked him whether will u change this or not,he said if once flower blossoms how will it go to bud stagee. This clearly showed that he never wanted to change,If i want to marry him I should change myself into this journey or I may suffer and he even asked me to change initially,I shouted like anything then he said its ur wish
I really like everything abt this prospect like familywise,and his character not in relationship am saying abt normal nature but when it comes to spiritual part I couldnt accept.I even asked for meetup once,him mom told u have been talking to him for 1.5 months,once he comes to India there should be engagement only otherwise tell ur decision now she asked me.I really dont know how can I accept person even without meeting in person. Having fear that after marriage if he wants to go behind God what can I do
Pls guide me🙏
1)Am I overthinking ???
2) The analysis of me is correct or not
3) What to do now

I'm 28F punjabi and turning 29 soon. I'm 5'6", fair and slightly chubby ( curvy hourglass type) not fat - mentioning this because people do judge on the basis of these things. And, I've been told that I look above average to good but I don't really know. There's an immense pressure on me to get married and I just can't find anyone. Whenever I say no to a bad match, I need to justify for hours to my parents and it's so frustrating as if they are trying to get rid of me. I earn around 12 LPA in a tier 1 IT firm, my father retired from one of the leading Indian automobile companies and my mother retired from the central government. We live in a tier 1 city in an above average neighbourhood. My parents are independent and they don't need me to sustain them financially. It's been more than 2 years that we are searching for a match for me and the process has been nothing but exhausting. My basic preference - at least 5'9", B.Tech from a decent college and MBA from a decent college would be a plus and he should be earning anything more than 15LPA( if our family's financial background is similar) otherwise if his parents are dependent on him completely then he should be atleast from tier 2 MBA college.

We've come across a lot of parents who literally have no financial and educational standing acting like snobs because their son is earning decent (not exorbitantly higher than me). It feels so heartbreaking to see my parents go through that in order to find me a partner. I feel as if I failed as a daughter to see my parents taking no from these people with whom they wouldn't even have interacted otherwise. Recently, I've been told by my mother that I come across very bold and confident which is a major turn off for families and I was told to hide that I regularly go to the gym. These are literally the things I'm proud of! I really don't know how to go about this and I hope this ends soon.

Cheers!

just wondering about my above question.

just because you are getting rejected is it justified to lie? because you are bald? having medical condition? salary isn’t appropriate? past? dietary preference? Smoking/alcohol? family background?

edit: I have never lied tbh to any prospect , it’s more of the context for folks who are habitual of lying and then crying Just trying to understand their reasons.