I’m feeling so so depressed and crying since few days cuz I broke my roka recently. My question is why do god make two people meet in an arranged marriage setup, fall in love and have a roka and then make things worse. When god knows that the two people are not to be meant together, not written in destiny then why he makes people go through all of this process. The pain I’m having right now is unimaginable.
Men who are good looking, earn well, successful in their careers, chilling in life, no other family or personal issues, is it easy for them to do arranged marriage? Is it like that whenever they feel like marrying, they don't have to worry about marriage much as they will get beautiful/desired bride whenever they want to?
I know it's not same for all, everyone has their own experiences, but just wanted to know generally, if this person is you, or someone u know?
Question is not about actually getting your dream partner but how easy do u feel it is for you or for someone, has been this arranged marriage process?
For men under 5’5” or under , how was your arranged marriage proposal , was it easier or harder than expected or did it matter at all , many say looks and money matters more but when you’re too short I think it can’t save you as much .
been thinking about this lately. where should families draw the line when it comes to helping someone find a spouse?
i get that parents want to be involved and suggest people they think might be a good fit. but ultimately, the person getting married should have the final say and be able to decide if they actually connect with someone.
my sister is going through this right now, and our family has started introducing her to potential matches. she’s independent, knows what she wants, and has her own idea of what kind of person she’d be happy with. she just doesn’t want everyone else making the decision for her.
for those who’ve been through something similar, how did your family handle it?
After speaking with 2 months and on the day we were supposed to decide on proceeding formally with a yes or no - she reveals that her step brother molested her for 6 months and she didn't speak up until he cornered her physically one day.
Her mom passed away in 2021 due to depression and other health concerns.
Her dad got remarried in mid-2022. From mid-2022 to early 2023 (6 months), she says that he first started looking at her in a way which made her feel unsafe and then he slowly started opening up. What's suprising is they were sharing the same bed, and he then took advantage of her while speaking keeping his hands on her inappropriately, cuddling etc. and even when she used to turn etc he used to come back closer. Sometimes he used to discuss his dad's death to emotionally manipulate her and bring her closer emotionally to abuse her thereafter.
What's worrying is she tolertaed this for 6 months and only spoke up when he physically cornered her during an argument. And what frustrates me is her own biological dad didn't have a spine enough to throw the guy away from the house.
The guy's mother (girls step mother) started throwing tantrums once this incident came to light and she blamed the girl instead that you cannot question my upbringing. I know you only might have done something wrong etc. and then the step mother started saying I should leave this house i can't tolerate a family that questions my son's ethics.
Since then their family knows about this incident which ended in mid 2023.
And then the girl moved to a nearby city for a job and not talked to her step brother at all for 1-1.5 yrs even when used to come to her town.
Since 2024 end or early 2025, they reconciled, he apologised and the girl has forgiven him and they are back under the same roof because the girl had quit her job for Arranged marriage alliances and took a break from corporate. And her main reason of reconciling is because her dad's and step mom's relation was getting affected.
I don't understand how can someone forgive after being molested for 6 months.
Eventhough I've been in touch and emotionally invested with her for the last 2 months, the visuals of that incident are so disturbing that I feel I want to file a police complaint against the guy.
It is 330 am. I have booked a therapy session for tomorrow but wanted to share my experience and looking for suggestions on how to handle this from this community.
Should I just reject her and move on (tough in the short term)
Should I ask her to consider therapy seriously?
How do I make her understand and realise that what she has gone through is so bad that she is unable to see the gravity of things
Should I push her to file a case? (I doubt she would take this in the right spirit)
I'm new to Reddit. I'm a female. So, I've been looking for a good partner since 2024 and haven't found one. Well, one consistent problem is that they slow down the conversation and then either ghost or reject me.
Now, I've had enough and am frustrated. Rejection I can handle but disinterest and lack of open communication annoys me to the great extent. I also sometimes try to reach out constantly to have a communication and even have asked direct questions like if he is talking to other girls or not and continue the interaction. But never got a direct answer. See, I don't mind if they're talking to others but having clarity on it would be more respectful.
Is it just me or other women facing the same issue?
i’m in an arranged marriage process and somehow ended up with two very different options.
girl 1: i’ve known her for ~6 months. she’s ambitious, business-minded, supportive, gives me respect and space, and gives me genuinely good advice. i feel i can build a life with her.
the problem is, i’m not very physically attracted to her. i don’t find her particularly beautiful.
and please don’t give me the usual “looks don’t matter” advice. i know looks aren’t everything, but attraction matters to me, especially in marriage.
girl 2: i just started talking to her. she’s extremely beautiful and i’m very attracted to her. she’s an assistant manager at a bank and seems fun, independent and more into enjoying life.
but her mindset seems quite different from mine. she’s more “we have a job, decent income, let’s enjoy life” whereas i’m entrepreneurial and constantly think about building businesses, making more money, investing and taking risks.
i don’t need my wife to be equally ambitious, but i do want her to understand and support that side of me. with girl 1, i already know she does. with girl 2, i don’t know yet.
there’s also a location issue. she works in her hometown, while i’m currently remote. if i eventually have to move for work, i’m not sure how that would work.
so basically:
girl 1: strong compatibility, trust, support and shared ambition, but weaker physical attraction.
girl 2: strong physical attraction and seems fun, but i barely know her, our lifestyle/ambition may differ, and there could be future location issues.
i know girl 2 could turn out to be completely different once i know her better. that’s what makes this difficult.
TLDR: one feels like a great life partner. the other is someone i’m strongly attracted to. one i know well, the other i barely know. trying to understand what actually matters more long-term.
thanks for reading all this. please pour in your advice and perspectives 🙏
edit: the main reason i posted this is honestly because i don’t know how much attraction matters in the long run. i don’t want to make a decision based only on looks, but i also don’t want to ignore attraction and regret it later.
I was talking with an Indian woman from NYC. She got very triggered when I told her that I won't date someone who has a bodycount higher than me. She got very triggered, she is a liberal btw. She is in the arranged marriage process btw, Many years back Chastity was considered really important in arranged marriages as far as I know. Nowadays does it matter. And what standards or criteria do men really look for in a woman nowadays in arranged marriage. I am a 25M in USA, I have no interest in arrange marriage, as I know men don't have the upper hand in arrange marriages, men are judged by salary and lots of other criteria which might increase or decrease(Love should not be based on those foundation, my point of view). Arranged marriage is similar to dating apps in my opinion, since there are more men than women, women have plenty of options as compared to men. But I really want to know what standards do men have for women in arrange marriage. (FYI: I am not trying to shame anyone, just want a holistic view on arrange marriage and how it has changed)
I'm 27M, living in Noida, and I'm thinking of getting married around 30. I'd like to get some honest opinions, especially from people who are already married.
Some context:
I'm from a family of 3.
- We have our own house, so there won't be any rent/EMI for the family home.
- My mom currently works but will retire in around 5 years.
- I would like to continue supporting my parents after marriage.
- Ideally, my future wife will also be working and earning, so I'm not expecting to be the sole breadwinner.
- I'm not looking for an extravagant lifestyle. I'd like to be comfortable, save/invest, travel occasionally and eventually be able to plan for children without constantly worrying about money.
- I also want to be financially independent rather than relying on my parents.
So my question is specifically:
What individual salary would you consider a reasonable minimum for a 27–30 year old guy in Noida to get married, assuming his future wife is also earning?
I'm looking for realistic opinions from people who have actually been through it, rather than generic "money doesn't matter" or "you need ₹50L+" answers. 😅
I (29M) am in an arranged marriage process with a girl (25F). For context, the both of us are from Kerala, India. We hit it off very well. Been speaking for a month now. Here's the issue.
Her parents had approached my parents with the proposal and the matching horoscopes. My parents decided to proceed and exchanged numbers. About a month later, dad checked the horoscopes on whim and discovered they don't match one bit. He informed her father and now my parents have asked me to not proceed with this.
I am seeking advice from people who have been or are aware of people in similar situations. Do I break it off with her? How do I navigate this between superstitious parents?
I have seen that people in their twenties to mid-30s portray themselves to be of progressive mindset and not bound by limitations of gender norms, culture, caste, salary, family background, et cetera.
However, I have also found in a lot of cases that these are just what they portrait themselves as but their true nature is very different from this when it comes to their own personal matters.
This is done by both men and women.
So what are some examples of this type of hypocrisy that you have come across in persons of the other gender or your own gender?
Yesterday, I met a family planning their daughter's wedding and suggested something to her parents to not spend ₹30–40 lakh on a lavish wedding. Buy their daughter a home instead.
Not because you expect the marriage to fail.
Because a home in her own name gives her something a big wedding can't, financial confidence and the freedom to walk away if life ever takes a bad turn.
And if the marriage is wonderful? She still has an asset she'll cherish for decades.
We spend so much money making one wedding day unforgettable. Maybe we should spend a little more making our daughters' lives secure. The new generation is wise enough to break this norm of large weddings.
Do you think I suggested right... would you choose the wedding or the house?
About to be 27M and it’s getting a bit difficult stalling. But I’m not too eager to get into this process.
But, I want to understand, do you put your best foot forward, or do you stay yourself?
Like, physically? Do you try to present yourself differently than what you are at a comfortable baseline?
I’m in a weird situation where people keep thinking I’m a teenager or something like that. The same relatives who used to ask me which college I was studying in 10 years ago, are still asking me what I am studying whenever I meet them today
Just today I had gone to the hospital for a checkup and the doctor was addressing me as if I am a college kid. Was surprised when she learned she was 3 years younger to me. Happens rather often with me for some reason.
Almost always get ID’ed when i try entering a bar.
I guess the straightforward “fix” to it is grooming differently and putting on some more weight as i am on the lower end of the spectrum
But I wonder if it’s actually worth it since I’m already at a comfortable baseline
My brother from Brisbane was introduced to a woman in Vietnam by our stepmum. They spent 2 weeks together and have now been talking online for around 4 months.
Our stepmum arranged a wedding for December, but I objected and it was cancelled. Now they’re secretly planning a wedding for June next year.
The concern is that my brother had never wanted marriage before this. It seems like he’s seeking validation from having a girlfriend and from our parents, while our stepmum is heavily pushing the relationship forward.
Our extended family also worries she may be more interested in moving to Australia, but we can’t know that for sure.
Is this a red flag, or should I stay out of it and let him decide?
What could be the consequences of breaking an engagement through arranged marriage. Can the BNS 69 be used against me.
Reason - Undisclosed past relationship.
I have been engaged to this girl for last 6 months. Everything was going great until few days ago when I accidentally checked the deleted folder on her phone and saw some photos of her ex deleted just 2 days ago. This led to me snooping in her phone while she was asleep and found 100s of photos of her and the ex in her phone. Through her chat, I also found out that she had multiple exes and even made me meet one without informing me of the background. This was a severe breach of trust.
Now I want nothing to do with her, but the societal pressure (humiliation to my family) and the BNS 69 clause are the biggest bottleneck to navigate. Is there a way forward otherwise I will have to enter this marriage mentally checked out (which I don't have an issue with)
My cousin (in India) got an arranged marriage a few years ago at 28 because she was terrified of becoming an “unmarried elder” and wanted people to stop asking why she hadn’t settled down yet.
I (in America) BEGGED her to wait for love Or at least a man she didn’t hate looking at 😭 I told her she was creating a permanent problem to solve a temporary one and that she deserved someone who actually liked her AND who she actually liked.
She married him anyway.
I tried basically until the wedding to convince her (and my family tbh) that this was a terrible idea, but they told me to stop “talking American” and mind my own business... I did not, in fact, mind my own business 😭 BUT I figured if SHE was happy with her decision, who am I to spend the rest of her marriage being the cousin in the corner who hates her husband?
I skipped the wedding and stopped talking to that side of my family that day. I loved her, but I couldn't watch her throw her life away and pretend to be happy about it.
And honestly I REALLY hoped I was wrong. Like please prove me wrong!!! Go be disgustingly happy with this man and make me eat my words 😭
WELP.
3 years later she randomly adds me back on IG this week. We start talking, I ask if she's happy and... NOPE 😭
They've apparently been living in different STATES for years, she tells me there's no emotional bond, “nothing is there,” and she doesn't even know why she got married in the first place.
GIRL 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Now she wants to talk again and I love her and missed her SO much but I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT. I already know she isn't going to leave him and I cannot spend the next 40 years listening to this woman complain about the exact life I begged her not to choose.
I don't even feel good about being right. I hate that I was right. I wanted her happy, but my GOD am I fighting for my life not to say GURL I TOLD YOU SOOOOOOO!!!! 😭
Update: for the record her husband is not rich. He barely middle class and married her so SHE could help pay for HIS lifestyle and help with his parents. He also thinks brown women are unattractive and disgusting and only finds Eastern Europeans worth a man’s time… he’s 5’6 and built like an pear and had rabbit teeth. He is not a prize by any means…. My aunt and uncle absolutely ruined my cousins life and she didnt want to hurt her parents feelings so she continues to hurt her own. Its ALL NONSENSE
I am a 35-year-old woman and working in a senior government administrative position in North India. I am a widow, I don't have kids. I am now looking forward to beginning a new chapter of life with a mature, sensible and understanding partner.
I am not looking for casual or superficial connections. My intention is clear: to meet someone genuine, get to know each other naturally, assess compatibility and, if we connect well, ultimately move towards marriage.
If you are genuinely looking for a meaningful and committed relationship and approach it with maturity, honesty and respect, I would be happy to connect. For me caste religion even for that matter age also doesn't matter as long as you are serious and genuine.
Genuine and serious people contact me only, please.
My subscription has ended so I was thinking if I should continue same or create a new one. I have seen many doing it on the app. Basically seeing the same profile as just joined. Does it help in anyway? I think those who have rejected me or whom I have rejected will most likely do the same thing again. Would it make any difference if I created a new account?
I (28M) started talking to a girl (28F) through the arranged marriage process about 2 months ago.
For context, I'm earning around ₹60 LPA and she's earning around ₹20 LPA. So far, we've only spoken over phone and video calls because she was working from home. We haven't met in person yet. We are from the same hometown, and I've now come back home specifically to meet her this weekend.
Over the last two months, we've had several long conversations on a wide range of topics—career, finances, family, lifestyle, future plans, etc. We seem to be on the same page on almost everything. Her family is also very warm and welcoming. They've already visited my home and met me.
This weekend will be our first in-person meeting. Initially, her family wanted both families to meet together, but I insisted that I'd like to meet her one-on-one first before involving everyone.
The complication is that both sets of parents are saying a decision needs to be made by 28th August because dates after that are supposedly not auspicious. So realistically, I may get only one proper meeting with her before being expected to decide. From the way her parents have been speaking, it feels like they've already made up their mind and are waiting for our answer. Additionally, my parents are also pushing me to accept her but I can deal with them.
The problem is that I have two concerns:
Apart from these two things, I genuinely think she's a kind, sensible, and good person. We align on most important values, and I haven't noticed any other red flags.
I'm quite confused now. I don't want to reject someone over something superficial if attraction can grow, but I also don't want to ignore concerns that might matter in the long run.
For those who have been through the arranged marriage process:
I'd really appreciate honest advice, especially from people who've been in a similar situation.
28F (have no brothers) discussing with boyfriend (28M) about these customs where he is saying his parents won’t even fathom it. There are multiple issues alongside this one since we both have very different ideas around gender roles and if this relationship does not work out, I’ll be entering the AM setup and hence wanted a clear understanding for those who are already in this process.
A. How many of y’all were able to hyphenate mother’s last name with the father’s for your baby. (I know this is a common practice in the west)
B. How many of y’all decided to give mother’s last name as the middle name for the baby with father’s last name
I think a mother deals with so much from the day she gets pregnant to child birth and then some. It changes you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually and it seems only fair that mother has some form of vote in the baby’s first AND last name.
Now I understand this is not at all common. But just want to know how often does this happen / how many women are able to stand up against patriarchy? Please also include if you live in India/Abroad
Edit - I don’t mind creating a new last name that’s a mix of both of our names/last names. Just want some form of equality in there so want to know how open are Indian men and their families are for this particular train of thought.