Great compatibility, but I'm not feeling attracted
I (28M) started talking to a girl (28F) through the arranged marriage process about 2 months ago.
For context, I'm earning around ₹60 LPA and she's earning around ₹20 LPA. So far, we've only spoken over phone and video calls because she was working from home. We haven't met in person yet. We are from the same hometown, and I've now come back home specifically to meet her this weekend.
Over the last two months, we've had several long conversations on a wide range of topics—career, finances, family, lifestyle, future plans, etc. We seem to be on the same page on almost everything. Her family is also very warm and welcoming. They've already visited my home and met me.
This weekend will be our first in-person meeting. Initially, her family wanted both families to meet together, but I insisted that I'd like to meet her one-on-one first before involving everyone.
The complication is that both sets of parents are saying a decision needs to be made by 28th August because dates after that are supposedly not auspicious. So realistically, I may get only one proper meeting with her before being expected to decide. From the way her parents have been speaking, it feels like they've already made up their mind and are waiting for our answer. Additionally, my parents are also pushing me to accept her but I can deal with them.
The problem is that I have two concerns:
- I'm not finding her physically attractive. Initially, I thought attraction might develop over time as I got to know her better, but after two months of talking, that hasn't really happened.
- During our calls, I often felt that she interrupts me and doesn't let me finish my thoughts. There were multiple instances where I struggled to get a word in. I'm not sure if that's just her communication style or something that could become a bigger issue later.
Apart from these two things, I genuinely think she's a kind, sensible, and good person. We align on most important values, and I haven't noticed any other red flags.
I'm quite confused now. I don't want to reject someone over something superficial if attraction can grow, but I also don't want to ignore concerns that might matter in the long run.
For those who have been through the arranged marriage process:
- Should I give more weight to compatibility or attraction?
- Is it reasonable to expect attraction to develop after meeting in person?
- During our lunch, what should I focus on to help me make the right decision?
- Has anyone ignored similar concerns and later regretted it (or been glad they did)?
I'd really appreciate honest advice, especially from people who've been in a similar situation.