u/NotYourAvgDamsel

31F. Took about three years off from dating after my last relationship and finally decided I was open to flirting back when someone caught my attention.

It’s been two weeks and I already hate it here. I’m one more “wyd” away from going right back to minding my own business. 😭

ALL THAT TO SAY… I just had a man essentially say, fuck hearting your story, I wanna put a heart on your Flo calendar.

SIR?! We skipped flirting entirely and went straight to reproductive scheduling.

I AM DECEASED. (Also highly amused, but mostly deceased.)

WYD? LOL

Update: I did block him immediately cuz he sent that within 60 mins of his first hello. just FYI ~

Update 2: Not on the dating apps: I met him while waiting for my order at a coffeeshop and gave him my number as I left and he texted me immediately.

My cousin (in India) got an arranged marriage a few years ago at 28 because she was terrified of becoming an “unmarried elder” and wanted people to stop asking why she hadn’t settled down yet.

I (in America) BEGGED her to wait for love Or at least a man she didn’t hate looking at 😭 I told her she was creating a permanent problem to solve a temporary one and that she deserved someone who actually liked her AND who she actually liked.

She married him anyway.

I tried basically until the wedding to convince her (and my family tbh) that this was a terrible idea, but they told me to stop “talking American” and mind my own business... I did not, in fact, mind my own business 😭 BUT I figured if SHE was happy with her decision, who am I to spend the rest of her marriage being the cousin in the corner who hates her husband?

I skipped the wedding and stopped talking to that side of my family that day. I loved her, but I couldn't watch her throw her life away and pretend to be happy about it.

And honestly I REALLY hoped I was wrong. Like please prove me wrong!!! Go be disgustingly happy with this man and make me eat my words 😭

WELP.

3 years later she randomly adds me back on IG this week. We start talking, I ask if she's happy and... NOPE 😭

They've apparently been living in different STATES for years, she tells me there's no emotional bond, “nothing is there,” and she doesn't even know why she got married in the first place.

GIRL 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Now she wants to talk again and I love her and missed her SO much but I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT. I already know she isn't going to leave him and I cannot spend the next 40 years listening to this woman complain about the exact life I begged her not to choose.

I don't even feel good about being right. I hate that I was right. I wanted her happy, but my GOD am I fighting for my life not to say GURL I TOLD YOU SOOOOOOO!!!! 😭

Update: for the record her husband is not rich. He barely middle class and married her so SHE could help pay for HIS lifestyle and help with his parents. He also thinks brown women are unattractive and disgusting and only finds Eastern Europeans worth a man’s time… he’s 5’6 and built like an pear and had rabbit teeth. He is not a prize by any means…. My aunt and uncle absolutely ruined my cousins life and she didnt want to hurt her parents feelings so she continues to hurt her own. Its ALL NONSENSE

Visiting a friend in Seattle next week and would love your favorite restaurant + specific dish recommendations!

I want the stuff you’d tell someone, “No, you HAVE to order this.”

My friend is a total homebody, so I’m also using this as an excuse to drag him out and make him actually experience his own city before he moves lol.

No food allergies or restrictions, we’ll eat pretty much anything, and budget isn’t a concern. Hidden gems, fancy spots, hole-in-the-wall places, send me your favorites!

Please and thank you in advance 💕🤗

TBH, I had completely written off dating, marriage, and kids for the past few years. Then an entirely unexpected talking stage came out of nowhere, failed spectacularly, and somehow left me realizing, “Oh shit… maybe I actually do want all of that.”

So I’m explaining this major life-plan revision to my therapist of several years when she says:

“Now that you’re open to dating, I really want to set you up with my brother because you two would be perfect together, but I can’t because you’re my patient. I hate this.”

She then spent a solid couple of minutes thinking out loud, trying to find some ethical loophole that would make it possible.

Me: GURL, WHAT?!

Boundaries: ???/10
Ethics: 0/10
Compliment: 10/10

I laughed because it was so ridiculous and unexpected, and I made it very clear that I was not interested in dating her brother. But now I’m wondering… is this actually concerning? Do I need a new therapist??

Im mostly complaining tbh

I genuinely adore my team and I work with great people overall. That said, the coaching, the difficult conversations, navigating a variety of personalities, supporting people through ALL THE THINGS, trying to keep everyone motivated, worrying about burnout (cuz I actually care)…

brooo I AM SO TIRED. Can yall just do the job and logoff, PLEASE?!

Today I was selected a finalist for my company’s annual Core Values Award. What made it meaningful wasn’t the nomination itself. It was who nominated me: my direct reports.

I run the tech department at work, which means juggling multiple systems/projects/people, difficult conversations, changing priorities, saying no, holding people accountable, and making decisions that aren’t always popular. My team has even jokingly dubbed me the “Oprah of PIPs” because I don't play about performance at work. So if you had asked me which core value they would associate with me, empathy probably wouldn’t have been my first guess.

Then I read what they wrote.

They didn’t talk about the systems I built or the technical problems I solved. They talked about how I made them feel while we solved them together, even on our worst days. They remembered that I checked in on them daily after surgery, fought for them when they weren’t in the room, believed in them before they believed in themselves, held them accountable because I knew they were capable of more, and told them the hard truth with kindness instead of ego.

They described me as more than a manager. They saw me as a mentor, a friend, a champion, and someone firmly in their corner. They even said working with me was a privilege. *happy sobs*

Today was a reminder that somewhere along the way, I became the kind of leader I always hoped I would be. The kind I always loved working for.

For all the managers reading this: never underestimate the impact you have on the people who trust you with 8+ hours of their day. We don’t just manage projects, budgets, roadmaps, or infrastructure. We shape culture.

Every conversation teaches our teams what accountability, respect, psychological safety, and compassion feel like.

There are enough toxic workplaces in this world. Be the leader you wish you had. Build the culture you wish you worked in.

Because one day, someone on your team might write a few paragraphs about you that remind you exactly why you chose to lead in the first place.

Been in Ashburn for less than a year and looking for more things to do that aren’t just restaurants or bars at One Loudoun. What do you all do for fun around here? Open to activities, classes, events, hiking, volunteering, or any hidden gems! TIA