After speaking with 2 months and on the day we were supposed to decide on proceeding formally with a yes or no - she reveals that her step brother molested her for 6 months and she didn't speak up until he cornered her physically one day.

Her mom passed away in 2021 due to depression and other health concerns.

Her dad got remarried in mid-2022. From mid-2022 to early 2023 (6 months), she says that he first started looking at her in a way which made her feel unsafe and then he slowly started opening up. What's suprising is they were sharing the same bed, and he then took advantage of her while speaking keeping his hands on her inappropriately, cuddling etc. and even when she used to turn etc he used to come back closer. Sometimes he used to discuss his dad's death to emotionally manipulate her and bring her closer emotionally to abuse her thereafter.

What's worrying is she tolertaed this for 6 months and only spoke up when he physically cornered her during an argument. And what frustrates me is her own biological dad didn't have a spine enough to throw the guy away from the house.

The guy's mother (girls step mother) started throwing tantrums once this incident came to light and she blamed the girl instead that you cannot question my upbringing. I know you only might have done something wrong etc. and then the step mother started saying I should leave this house i can't tolerate a family that questions my son's ethics.

Since then their family knows about this incident which ended in mid 2023.

And then the girl moved to a nearby city for a job and not talked to her step brother at all for 1-1.5 yrs even when used to come to her town.

Since 2024 end or early 2025, they reconciled, he apologised and the girl has forgiven him and they are back under the same roof because the girl had quit her job for Arranged marriage alliances and took a break from corporate. And her main reason of reconciling is because her dad's and step mom's relation was getting affected.

I don't understand how can someone forgive after being molested for 6 months.

Eventhough I've been in touch and emotionally invested with her for the last 2 months, the visuals of that incident are so disturbing that I feel I want to file a police complaint against the guy.

It is 330 am. I have booked a therapy session for tomorrow but wanted to share my experience and looking for suggestions on how to handle this from this community.

Should I just reject her and move on (tough in the short term)

Should I ask her to consider therapy seriously?

How do I make her understand and realise that what she has gone through is so bad that she is unable to see the gravity of things

Should I push her to file a case? (I doubt she would take this in the right spirit)

M29 considering arranged marriage with F26. Developed feelings, but repeated half-truths and omissions have damaged my trust. Need objective advice.

M29 here. I have been speaking to a 26F through an arranged marriage setup for about 4 weeks now. We have had several long calls, met multiple times , and I even travelled to her city and spent three days meeting her and her family. We both developed feelings during this period and I genuinely started seeing a future with her.

I need objective opinions because right now my emotions are all over the place.

The good about her

Before I get into the concerns, I want to mention why I'm finding this so difficult.

• She is academically brilliant, the topper/front-bencher kind.
• Very introverted, soft-spoken and caring.
• She constantly checks whether I've eaten on time, reached home safely, etc.
• She has had a difficult childhood (biological mother struggled with severe depression until 2021 when she passed away and she later grew up with a controlling stepmother), which has made me empathize with her deeply.
• She runs an Airbnb business which is still at a very early stage and financially somewhat unstable, but she has shown resilience in trying to build something on her own.
• She says she genuinely chose me and wasn't settling for marriage for the sake of it.

Now the concerns.

1. The cigarette issue (first trust hit)

On our very first call I mentioned that smoking was a non-negotiable for me. I asked her directly if she smoked.

She told me:

• No, she never smoked.
• No plans to smoke.
• She occasionally drank alcohol or did hookah with cousins/friends but was anyway trying to quit.

Three weeks later, when I visited her city, we discussed the topic again in greater detail.

That's when she told me that she does occasionally smoke cigarettes with cousins/friends during trips and is trying to quit.

The smoking itself was not the biggest issue for me.

What bothered me was:

Why did I get a completely different answer on the first call?

When I later told her this hurt me, she said she was nervous during the first call.

2. Her past relationship came out in layers

I was completely open about my own past relationship after 2 weeks of talking when we met in her city.

I told her: how we met, why we broke up, intimacy, timelines, last contact, everything.

Then I asked if she had been in a relationship.

Her answer: "Yes, I was in a relationship."

That's it. Nothing more.

Later (after some small talk) I asked if she had been physically intimate.

Only then: "Yes, we did it."

Again no details unless I specifically asked.

Over time I discovered: they had travelled together extensively, they had been physically intimate she claims she emotionally switched off after deciding to move on.

Every major detail came only after another question.

3. Timeline inconsistencies regarding the ex

Initially she told me:

• breakup happened in October 2025,
• they had not met after that but were in touch over calls and texts to wish each other bdays etc.

Later, while looking at her Airbnb profile, I found a host review from January 2026 mentioning her ex by name saying he was a wonderful guest and recommending hosting him. And I again asked her if she was sure she met her ex in October 2025 as the last because I had some info suggesting you guys met later as well. Then she said, she forgot to mention that:

• she invited him to Gurgaon in December 2025 because friends encouraged her to see if they could reconcile,
• they met in December,
• they continued occasional calls/messages until March 2026,
• she only texted him in June 2026 for his birthday.

Again, another significant piece of information only came out after confrontation.

4. The Airbnb issue

She recently started an Airbnb business.

She had told me she set it up herself.

While looking at her Airbnb profile, I found a host review from January 2026 mentioning her ex by name saying he was a wonderful guest and recommending hosting him.

When I asked about it, she explained that she had accidentally set up the hosting account under his account initially and later transferred it to hers, which is why his review appears on her profile.

She insists this does not mean they met after December and that December 2025 was genuinely the last time they saw each other.

5. My internal conflict

After 1.5 yrs of finding a suitable match, rejecting 10-15 girls, I genuinely like this girl. I've developed feelings. I care for her.

But my trust has taken repeated hits.

The biggest issue is not necessarily:

• that she had a serious relationship,
• that she travelled with her ex,
• that she was physically intimate.

It's that I feel I only learn important things after specifically asking the exact question or confronting her with something.

It makes me constantly wonder:

Is there still more I don't know?

6. Her response after all this

After our conversations, she sent me this:

I know i have hurt your feelings in the worst way possible. I honestly dont have any justification of what i did.

Only thing i can say is that i am grateful that you still want to give me chance and i dont want to blow it up. For me whatever it takes to build that trust again with you i am ready to do anything. I want to assure you that this will never ever happen in the future and even if it takes a year to convince you of that i am ready...and thankfully so are my parents.

In that time, i want to show you that i havent chosen you just for the sake of it. I want to prove myself worthy of getting a chance to spend the lifetime with you and fighting my ills to be with you everyday.

I know words wont make that of a sense as of now. I just hope to show it to you with my actions.

She has apologized multiple times and says she will do whatever it takes to rebuild trust.

My question

Should I give her another chance?

At what point do repeated omissions become dishonesty?

Is this someone who:

1. Was afraid of being judged and therefore disclosed things gradually?
2. Is simply extremely private and only answers exactly what is asked?
3. Has a genuine transparency problem?

And most importantly:

Can trust realistically be rebuilt before marriage after multiple instances like this, or am I setting myself up for a lifetime of doubt?

Please be brutally honest, even if you think I'm the one being unreasonable.

For those women who had a past of say 2 yrs or more with a lot of travelling together (and by extension intimacy - emotional, sexual etc), would you or do you compare your husband with your partner?

Second question: also as a man, how can I know that my partner is completely over her past before saying a yes to her?

Please share your thoughts in as much detail as possible. Thanks once again.

I'm a 29M currently speaking to a 26F through an arranged marriage setup. We've spoken on calls, met once in my city, and then spent three days meeting for lunch in her city. I'm attracted to her, and I can feel myself developing feelings for her. That's exactly why I'm trying to think with my head and not just my heart.

A little background about her. She's academically brilliant: the topper/front-bencher type throughout school and college. She has had a difficult childhood. Her biological mother suffered from severe depression who passed away 5 yrs ago, and after that she was raised by a controlling stepmother. Today she runs a small business, although it seems a bit inconsistent financially.

My issue isn't really that she has a past. I had a serious relationship too.

It's more about how I came to know about it.

The past relationship

On our second day in her city, I decided to be completely transparent. I told her about my own previous relationship, including that we had been physically intimate second base, and had decided to pursue sex only after marriage.

When I asked her about her past, she simply said:

"yes, I was in a relationship"

That was all.

After a bit of small talk, I then had to ask another question:

"Were you physically involved?"

Only then did she tell me yes - they had gone all the way to the fourth base.

The next day, we were joking about how difficult it is to keep fake smiles for photos. I asked her when she last remembered genuinely smiling. She said the pictures on her biodata. I asked when they were taken. She said two years ago. I asked where. She mentioned a hillstation. I asked whether it was an office trip/with friends, and only then she said it was with her ex.

So every significant detail seemed to come out only after another follow-up question.

The smoking issue

This bothered me as well.

During our very first phone conversation, I told her I considered that smoking is a non-negotiable filter for me.

Later, while we were in her city, upon re-discussing this topic around habits, I asked her again and then she mentioned that she occasionally smokes cigarettes on trips with her step-brother and his friend circle.

The smoking itself isn't my biggest issue. It was the feeling that I had been left with a different impression initially.

When I later told her that this had bothered me, she didn't really apologize. She just went quiet and acknowledged that I probably hadn't liked it.

What's difficult for me to process

This is something I'm almost embarrassed to admit because I know it may reflect my own biases.

She comes across as the classic academically brilliant, sincere, front-bencher kind of person. For some reason, I had subconsciously associated that image with someone who would have been much more conservative in relationships and if someone like her would get physical they would definitely marry that person - thats the vibe she gave me.

So it's taking me time to process that she had a serious relationship, travelled extensively across India with her boyfriend, and was sexually active for over 2 years with someone she ultimately didn't marry.

I fully recognize that these are my own expectations and not necessarily a reflection of her character, but I'm being honest about what's going on in my mind.

She also says they broke up in Nov 2025 and that she started looking at arranged marriage matches in Feb 2026.

I know everyone heals differently, but I find myself wondering whether three months is enough time to emotionally move on from a serious relationship involving travel, physical intimacy etc.

Also she is still connected with her ex on social media including Insta where her ex also follows her business account which only has 10-11 followers including her family.

What I'm struggling with is whether this pattern of layered disclosures, along with the smoking incident, points to a transparency issue that's relevant when you're evaluating someone for marriage.

Am I overthinking this? If you were in my shoes, would these be genuine concerns or am I letting my own biases cloud my judgment?

I'd especially appreciate perspectives from people who have gone through arranged marriages or dated someone with a significant past.

On the other hand - she is very sweet to talk to, always check-ups on me having lunch, dinner on time even if I don't respond to her prior text. She got her own book for me from her hometown when I mentioned that I had lost mine after giving it to a colleague. So she definitely has taken care of me.

​

Hi everyone,

​

My friends and I booked accommodation for Oktoberfest but unfortunately received Schengen visa refusals and won't be able to make the trip.

​

We have a confirmed booking at MEININGER München Olympiapark from 19–21 September:

​

- Private Twin Room (2 guests)

- Private 5-Bed Room (5 guests)

​

Total capacity: 7 people.

​

The hotel has confirmed that replacement guests can be accommodated, so we're trying to find people who may be interested in taking over the booking.

​

Paid: €1,345 total.

Open to transferring either the entire booking or individual rooms.

​

Happy to share booking confirmation and hotel emails for verification.

​

Feel free to comment or DM.

Hi everyone, I have ~8 years of experience in IB research and offshoring. Currently a manager at a boutique IB outsourcing firm (Company A) with good client relationships, decent comp, and a comfortable work life. The firm is run by a single founder/CEO which creates some policy uncertainty, and new client acquisition has been tough over the last 1-2 years amid AI headwinds in the outsourcing space.

Some background: Back in 2021, I had received an offer from Company H — a global bank's middle office — but it was rescinded when I informed them I had accepted a front-office IB role instead. That front-office role turned out to be unsustainable due to extreme hours and I had to exit within a few months. I then took a break to recover and prepare for CFA before joining Company A in early 2023.

Fast forward to now — I had reached out to Company H and they came back with an offer for a middle office role in my home city at a level below the seniority I should ideally get - however given the market that's the only role available and I am already at their upper band for the role - so there's no hike. Individual contributor, 10-12 hour days, supporting NY bankers. It's a step down in seniority from my current manager role but a clear brand upgrade and hopefully a title progression in 2-2.5 years.

When I initiated the resignation conversation at Company A, they offered me permanent WFH from my home city — which was my primary reason for considering Company H in the first place.

My dilemma: Company H is one of very few stable IB employers in my target city. If I decline again, I risk losing that relationship permanently. But Company A's WFH offer genuinely solves my immediate personal need without the seniority step-down.

For those 5-10 years ahead - did the global bank brand name actually open doors you couldn't have otherwise? How did you think about boutique stability vs global bank platform at this career stage? What shall I do?

The advantages of sticking to current company A:

1. Strong reputation and already established trust.
2. Managerial level role (excellent work-life balance 30-40 working hours on most weeks).
3. Different work-streams and client communication so get to implement and learn a lot about AI.

A's disadvantages:

1. Lala company run by one CEO
2. We are not getting enough clients since the last 1-2 years. Very limited client growth. I have been also asked to support BD efforts by setting up campaigns for outreach to leads.

H's advantages:

1. Global IB middle office
2. More stable pathway for the next 5-7 years.

H's disadvantages:

1. If I don't accept the role, risk of getting banned and losing touch with key people who supported and vouched for me during the process.
2. Individual contributor role. Min 10-12 hours worth of work.
3. Stronger competition given it's a global IB middle office so I am sure there are going to be more complex transactions and as a result more work and competition to grow.

Hi everyone, I have ~8 years of experience in IB research and offshoring. Currently a manager at a boutique IB outsourcing firm (Company A) with good client relationships, decent comp, and a comfortable work life. The firm is run by a single founder/CEO which creates some policy uncertainty, and new client acquisition has been tough over the last 1-2 years amid AI headwinds in the outsourcing space.

Some background: Back in 2021, I had received an offer from Company B — a global bank's middle office — but it was rescinded when I informed them I had accepted a front-office IB role instead. That front-office role turned out to be unsustainable due to extreme hours and I had to exit within a few months. I then took a break to recover and prepare for CFA before joining Company A in early 2023.

Fast forward to now — I had reached out to Company B and they came back with an offer for a middle office role in my home city at a level below the seniority I should ideally get - however given the market that's the only role available. Individual contributor, 10-12 hour days, supporting NY bankers. It's a step down in seniority from my current manager role but a clear brand upgrade.

When I initiated the resignation conversation at Company A, they offered me permanent WFH from my home city — which was my primary reason for considering Company B in the first place.

My dilemma: Company B is one of very few stable IB employers in my target city. If I decline again, I risk losing that relationship permanently. But Company A's WFH offer genuinely solves my immediate personal need without the seniority step-down.

For those 5-10 years ahead - did the global bank brand name actually open doors you couldn't have otherwise? How did you think about boutique stability vs global bank platform at this career stage? What shall I do?

The advantages of sticking to current company A:

1. Strong reputation and already established trust.
2. Managerial level role (excellent work-life balance 30-40 working hours on most weeks).
3. Different work-streams and client communication so get to implement and learn a lot about AI.

A's disadvantages:

1. Lala company run by one CEO
2. We are not getting enough clients since the last 1-2 years. Very limited client growth. I have been also asked to support BD efforts by setting up campaigns for outreach to leads.

H's advantages:

1. Global IB middle office
2. More stable pathway for the next 5-7 years.

H's disadvantages:

1. If I don't accept the role, risk of getting banned and losing touch with key people who supported and vouched for me during the process.
2. Individual contributor role. Min 10-12 hours worth of work.
3. Stronger competition given it's a global IB middle office so I am sure there are going to be more complex transactions and as a result more work and competition to grow.