How to act after discovering that my dad has a mistress
I (24M) recently found out something that completely changed how I see my father, found in very bad circumstances
My parents have been together for 27 years. My father is 44 and my mother is 40. Tipical Latin American marriage due to having a baby(me).
So now, my father’s affair was exposed. His mistress contacted my girlfriend and sent her a huge amount of evidence: messages, photos, videos, recordings, and screenshots proving the affair.
What hurt me the most wasn’t even the cheating itself. It was discovering that my father had been sending the mistress recordings and updates about my mother while she was suffering. At one point, he even shared audio and video of my mother crying and breaking down over what had happened. Seeing that level of disrespect made me sick.
Since then, my parents decided to stay together. My mother has been going to therapy and they’re trying to move forward. On the surface, they act as if everything is okay, but I know things aren’t really fine.
The problem is that I only found out about all of this recently, even though it happened months ago. So while everyone else has had time to process it, I’m dealing with it now.
What makes it harder is my father’s attitude. Whenever the topic comes up, he mostly makes excuses, says that it “just happened,” blames circumstances, brings up mistakes my mother made, or points fingers at other people.
I never had a deep relationship with my dad but I just don’t know how to act around him. I had more relationship with my mom
At the same time, I don’t know what role I should play with my mother either. I don’t want to make things harder for her, and I don’t want to get involved in their marriage more than I already am.
How would you handle this situation? Is it reasonable to distance myself from my father for a while? Has anyone else struggled with maintaining a relationship with a parent after discovering something like this? Should I be a judge? Should I suggest that they get divorced?