My boyfriend blames everything on me and refuses to take accountability.
I don’t really know where to start, I need some outside unbiased perspective because I feel so confused and drained.
My boyfriend (23/M) and I (23/F) been together for a year. When we’re good, we’re extremely good. We laugh so much every time we are together. Recently, he has been telling me for the past few months saying that I’m rude sometimes which I’ve listened to and tried to improve. Sometimes I say something in a rude tone when I don’t mean to, or sometimes I do mean it if he has been bothering me (not listening to anything I say and having to repeat myself, being rude etc). When we argue, it’s constantly me that the blame gets shifted to. So yesterday, he said we should book a hotel and I only got two words which were “I asked” before he instantly hopped on that and started berating me, calling me rude and saying I annoy him every time I’m with him. I wanted to say I asked him to go for a hotel for our anniversary, and he said he didn’t see the point in spending money for our anniversary.
I guess what built up to that is the night before, he tried to have sex with me and I told him I wasn’t in the mood. Then we were kissing in bed and he tried again. He said “is this okay” and I said yes , but I knew it wasn’t going to go anywhere because I wasn’t in the mood so I stopped. He became angry, saying how we had a big talk about stuff like this and nothing has changed. But I just wasn’t in the mood, I had just finished my final exams of final year.
A little bit of backstory - initially, his parents did not want us to be together because they think my father wasn’t from a good family. It was a whole ordeal where we were both heartbroken. I have a good relationship with his parents now. Naturally, I’ve been nervous to introduce him to my dad (I don’t live with my parents) and he brought this up to me the night before a final exam. I felt that he really spoke down to me and implied his parents were right and making me feel less than. I’ve been there has been a few times where he will comment on other women’s looks to me etc, I have caught him looking up a girl on instagram that he knew I didn’t like him around. More recently, he left me alone in his house for 13 hours while he went drinking with his friends.
Today, he told me to write down points from a phone call cause I’m going to forget. While he was saying this, I was reading a post online and just said “I won’t” (as in I won’t forget). Immediately after he said “what a b****” and scoffed. When I heard this I just saw red, and told him to drop me home now and how dare he say that to me or call me names. I will admit when I was leaving the car that I said I hate him, which I told him I didn’t mean and it was in the heat of the moment. After, I tried to talk to him via text and he fully believes he did absolutely nothing and that the issue is my reaction. I know I can be reactive in arguments and I do speak back when I feel disrespected, but I don’t feel like I’m being treated fairly overall.
Since that happened, he’s blocked me on every social media and told me he doesn’t want to speak to me and that he can’t believe the way I spoke to him. But he started this. He does not ever believe he is wrong.
I guess what I’m asking is: is this something that can be worked on, or does this sound like a pattern that doesn’t really change? I’m also finding the idea of a breakup really difficult, which is part of why I’m struggling to see things clearly.
TLDR; my boyfriend refuses to take accountability, and blames everything on me. He sees nothing wrong with how he speaks to me, but if I speak back it’s not okay.