I've never been attracted to men
I don't really know where else to say this, so I'm posting it here. I'm a Muslim woman, and lately the pressure to get married has become impossible to ignore.The truth is, I've never been attracted to men.For as long as I can remember, I never felt the way other girls seemed to feel about men. I could appreciate when a man was kind, funny, intelligent, or attractive, but the idea of being romantically involved with one never felt right to me.whenever I imagined marriage, intimacy, or a future with a man, I felt uncomfortable. Sometimes it even made me feel sick.For years I told myself maybe I wasn't ready and the right man hadn't come along yet.. I even spoke with a psychiatrist because I was so confused and desperate to understand myself. I had my hormones checked but everything came back normal. Slowly, over time, I began to realize that the feelings I didn't have for men were feelings I was having for women.ive a best friend we've known each other for years. She became the person I wanted to share everything with. The person whose messages I looked forward to. The person I thought about before falling asleep. The person whose happiness mattered to me more than I could explain. I told myself it was friendship. I kept telling myself that. Until one day I realized I was lying to myself. Somewhere along the way, I had fallen in love with her.And that realization broke my heart. Because I knew I couldn't tell my family. I knew I couldn't tell them that the daughter they're trying so hard to marry off has never wanted a husband.don't even know exactly what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe I just needed to say it somewhere. Maybe I want to know if anyone else has been through something similar. Maybe I'm tired of feeling alone.somedays I feel guilty some days I feel scared some days I feel completely alone