How do I move on and heal from a trauma bond? [23F] and [24M]
I ‘23F’ met this guy ‘24M’ as I moved to a new city and he DM’d me on my Insta. We got along very well in the beginning and I thought this might be something, he even used to talk about getting married and stuff. Fast forward a few weeks he says he isn’t looking for anything serious rn and wants to keep it casual. I was broken and too naive to realise that what he did was lovebomb me initially. His behaviour was anything but acceptable - would follow random girls on Instagram, lie to me, never call me, reach out to his exes, just dry WYDs once in a while. On confronting we would get into a fight. All this went on for 6 months while I kept hoping he would realise and accept me the way I want him to.
Instead he blocked me from everywhere. And in 2 weeks he posts a picture with a new girl (apparently someone from his past) and does everything for her that I begged him for. I was crushed. In around a month however he started reaching out to me again and apparently broke up with her.
Now I know I shouldn’t have but he said he wanted to give it a real chance this time and I said okay. He was good at first obviously but then again his real character started showing through. I asked him to unfollow his ex and he put it on me saying “why are you so insecure, I ended things on a good note. I follow all my other exes too you don’t know about them.” This obviously led to a fight. After this he stopped texting me much, never calling and my fear of abandonment led me to snap at him once again, all this within two- three days. I thought if he wanted me back then I at least wouldn’t have to cry and beg for the bare minimum, again.
I have always been an emotional person. I get anxiety and I start calling multiple times or type out long messages and spamming them which can often be (and are mostly) hurtful if I am hurt. But also if someone makes me feel secure and safe then I never have these issues. He blames this habit of mine which makes him distant. But if he were good to me why would I behave this way? Also I was in 2 serious relationships before this and both of them were red flags in the beginning and I had a similar and very hard time with them but they changed eventually. I knew they were good people deep down but weren’t able to love me right. This one doesn’t even seem to have a good heart.
After that argument he said now I need space (I mean for what?!) I said okay but it just didn’t sit right with me. He was online till late at night and I had a feeling he was texting some other girl. I sent a good morning today morning and he didn’t reply. I sent a ? He replied with ‘Nothing’ and bruh I snapped again and just blocked him. Now I badly want to go back. But I know he ain’t good for me and the old patterns are gonna repeat.I have just been talking to Chatgpt or Gemini because I don’t have many friends here. I graduated from a top school and am fairly good looking and he isn’t even in my league, neither physically nor morally (he’s proud of his promiscuous past). I do not want to keep stalking if he’s got another girl again cuz it makes me spiral neither do I want to press unblock and send a text and regret again. I want some real advice, some perspective and just some human interaction to help me pull myself out of this hell hole and just not feel alone.
tl;dr : emotionally abusive guy, keeps me hooked but makes me beg for the bare minimum. I want to come out of this loop even though I badly want to keep giving him chances both my past relationships got fixed by enduring through. But this seems like a gone case.