Parents Keep Asking When I’m Going to Find A Girlfriend
I (28M) live at home with my parents. My older sister moved out earlier this year to live with her long-term boyfriend. My older brother also lives at home, but he’s gone most of the time, because he spends most of his time with his girlfriend. So that just leaves me being home alone with my parents most of the time.
I spend most of the week at home because I work remotely, so I don’t really ever leave the house. When the weekends come, I visit my boyfriend (53M) - yes, I know our age gap is large, but I genuinely enjoy spending my time with him, and he’s kind and extremely considerate.
On Sundays, my parents go to church (they’re pretty religious), and recently they’ve started becoming more and more persistent on asking me when I’m going to find a girlfriend - whether it be on dating apps or organically in-person somewhere, somehow. It has gotten to the point where they’re now considering setting me up with some girl from church, who I don’t know.
Over the past year, the persistence of them asking me about a girlfriend has gone from once a week to multiple times a week. Today was actually a record because they asked me twice in the same day. They also keep asking me why I’m not on the apps, to which my response is always something stupid like, “I’m working on taking care of my skin because of some of the acne that I still have”. I think they’re catching on that something isn’t right, because just today, they looked at my face pretty meticulously, and said that my skin looked fine.
I don’t think they suspect that I might be gay or have a boyfriend, because to their knowledge, I had crushes on girls in high school (lol). I remember my dad came into my room one time when I was bawling because some guy at school didn’t like me back, but he thought it was a girl. They definitely seem worried about me and they probably think something is wrong, they just don’t know what it is.
I’m pretty tired of it all. Some days I just feel like bursting out and saying that I’m gay when they’re pestering me about it, but I catch myself before I erupt. Straight people have it so good for not having to come out. I hate the whole concept of having to tell my parents that I’m gay. It’s so cringey… Whenever I think about it, I immediately think about how they would react. They definitely wouldn’t take it very well, and they would probably imagine me going out and sucking on dicks and getting piped down or something. But if I was straight, they wouldn’t think anything immediately sexual… if that makes sense. The homophobic stigma runs so deep in cultures everywhere(my parents are immigrants), and it’s truly a double standard.
If I came out, I feel like our family dynamic would be permanently altered… and things would be awkward. I eventually do naturally want to move out, but not in a way where there’s a rift between my parents and me. And I love my parents. We have a good relationship. I just feel so conflicted with this up in the air… and my boyfriend being much older is a whole other can of worms for them to open. Sometimes I feel like they would have a heart attack and drop dead if I hit them with the double gay combo.
Anyway, now that I’m reading what I wrote, this feels more like a rant than asking for advice lol. But I would definitely like to hear your coming out stories and what I can/should do in my case if you have any suggestions.