Typical quarterlife crisis post
Throw away alt.
Have you ever heard the expression that it's lonely at the top? I recently began to understand that a bit.
I'm not an HNI. Just a standard middle class tech worker. Last year I drew 57L pre tax. I have accumulated a 2Cr corpus so far so I think I've pretty much made it. I was always focussed on optimising my finances, and now that I'm at a comfortable place, I kind of don't know what to do now.
I've had women who loved me once. But I guess I pushed everyone away. A year ago, I decided to get married. I found the perfect girl, fell in love (again) and we almost went through with it, but didn't due to reasons. I've been living the single life, but that was always the plan.
Anyway, now at the 28th year of my life I feel like I have the means to do whatever I want, but no will or purpose to do anything at all.
I take care of myself, keep my house clean, go to the gym occasionally, do well at work, and maintain some semblance of a social life with family, colleagues and a few friends.
But I spend most nights scrolling my phone, watching shows while smoking up. I go to dinners and arcades alone. I can't shake off the feeling that what if I went down the wrong path, what if I was supposed to invite someone into my life instead of walling it off?
When I get a raise, I celebrate by myself. Yesterday I bought a car by myself. When it gets delivered, I'm gonna inaugurate it with a long night drive - by myself.
Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out solo, listening to my dumb songs and podcasts. But, am I supposed to be with a woman? Or is that just me being horny? I don't know. Relationships are seldom worth the hassle.
I'm not gonna date or anything, it's not worth it. I often live in the future, plan and over-plan and I like it. I get things done, the way I want it done. That's freedom.
But there's a darker side. I smoke like 3 cigs a day, smoke up daily. Over the years I've made some FWBs in different cities, so every once in a while I do have PIV sex as well. I'm bisexual and hook up with random guys every few months. Basically my version of drugs and sex.
But am I missing something innate? It's lonely at the top.
TLDR; late 20s kid whining about his adult life.