sisters used to be close. not anymore.
Asalamualaikum.
My sister and I are 5 years apart (I am 23, she is 18). She has suffered with depression and anger for awhile now. It has affected her relationship with parents at times (my parents are very loving but desi parents can get mad and their delivery comes off wrong at times), her school work, her friendships etc.
During such times, I managed to be by her side however I could. She tried to OD on antihistimines and I stayed with her in the hospital late at nights (at the time we didnt know what caused this and she confided in me later). Using this trust, I helped her seek therapy, guidance (both medical and spiritual). She has completed ummrah w our family in December 2025. She was praying for healing, I could tell. During her exams, she cut ties with our parents, even though we drove 1.5 hours to go see her for her birthday. Nonetheless, I drove back another day, just to make sure she was okay, eating, and cleaned up her room as as she was in a slump.
As such, we grew a really close bond. Unlike any other. I enjoyed spending time with her, spending my savings on her. She is my baby. What could possibly happen?
Recently, she has been having a hard time controlling her anger. Her bandwidth for tasks is also incredibly low. Because her school has been affected, our family has worked towards a game plan to make up for low grades, etc. I have also encouraged her to get a part-time job. When getting ready to go out one day, I just casually brought up jobs, and she got mad at me. To the point that she started yelling at me, calling me names, saying she wants to OD again because of me. I was confused, I wasn;t sure what I did to trigger all this. She said she doesn't even enjoy going out with me. That really hurt me, cuz I realized the feelings were not mutual.
It;s been a week. We haven't been talking as much. Just today, my dad wanted an update on her progress with her "summer game plan for academics" and I contributed to the conversation, gently telling her what she should do, and how maybe she is not taking the most proactive steps. Enraged, she walks away.
few hours go by. She hid my amazon order and I came in to ask for it. I also mentioned, "listen maybe Baba's delivery wasn't the best. But we just want to make sure you're not making the same mistakes again." She started screaming at me: "You made it worse. you said things so he could get mad at me, you made me look bad. you know i want to kill myself because of you. she then gets my expensive cream i ordered. "take your f***ing cream." and threw it across the floor, breaking the packaging and now there's cream all over the wood floor.
I have been patient for SO long. But this was my breaking point. I shouldnt have said this but i did "what is genuinely wrong with you. why did you do this. what purpose did this serve you. fix ur anger. all you do is ruin my life". she didn't bother cleaning it up. tbh i dont think she knew how to.
I grab my mop, I am sobbing as im cleaning her mess. 30+ bucks down the drain, her words about OD'ing cuz of me in my mind. An exhausted elder daughter, the caregiver, the one who gives but never recieves. And when i go to give, im met with this. I gave up time out of my studies to support her during her lowest times. I'd do it again, she is my sister. But an argument has never been this bad. Our family has been so frustrated about her situation. I got into medical school recently and we can't even be fully happy and celebrate because of this. I was supposed to open my stethescope today, the one I was looking forward to for so long, only to have this happen and ruin my day.
I don't know what to do. I am tired, hurt, exhausted and confused. I don't want to take the wrong steps to cause her further harm that I am apparently doing already. Please please please help me. JzKh