Do you remember the time we stayed up all night?
We were sitting on my couch and chatting all night. Do you still have the picture you took of me that night or did you delete it? I assume it’s gone because it’s been so long but I hope you still have it.
The last time we talked you said you think about me often and then you disappeared again. I wish I knew why you connect with me and then run away. I guess it’s probably because you don’t actually like me as much as I like you, I don’t think you ever have, if you did, you’d show up for me. If you cared about me, you would have responded. I know this to be true because you showed up for the other women over the years, at least long enough to have relationships.
I’m writing this here instead of to you because it’s less humiliating than reaching out directly. I know if I did, you’d leave me on read again for the millionth time. I know you won’t ever see it here but there’s a small part of me that hopes you’re going to see it and know it’s me.
I just want it to be you. I want it to be like a movie where we finally come together after years of struggling. Where you finally decide to prioritize me and love me. I know that’s not going to happen though. I know you’re never going to choose me and it hurts. I need to give up on you and maybe if I put this out into the world it would help.
I miss you, D. If you want me I’m here.
- E