u/Emptysoulshithead

May sounds stupid, but I legit dont understand why parents value weddings as the biggest happiness they can experience with their children.
Everytime they see a wedding, they tear up and say 3a2belik, we cant wait and what not.
I dont know if I am the problem , but I see marriages in a diff perspective. It s not like the big Milestone every human being has to achieve. It s the culmination of love and understanding between two persons who agreed to partner for life. And this is quite hard , people should see it as hard as like finding a partner for ur biggest company or biggest investment ever. So, if you cant find such a partner , better be alone.
I thought that maybe parents see it this way because their kids might be creating their own nests and it making their families. But I ve expressed many times that I have no desire in children and still , the weddings kept their sacred value.
Third option, their kid leaving the house from financial or emotional standpoint. None of them apply in my situation.
It s one of those concept that I cant seem to understand, not because I m being critical of it, but i genuinely dont get it.
It started to frustrate me especially as an unmarried woman over 30.
What do u guys think?

I apologize for the long post. But i d appreciate your help and patience.

So, I ve come to the decision that I can't continue my life like this anymore. The past few weeks I was very suicidal, and I just couldnt see myself continuing life with this anhedonia and terrible fatigue effexor causes me .

Here is a bit of background: i have been on many meds for the last 10 years to cure my ocd. Effexor was the most effective ( I barely suffer from my rumination or intrusive thoughts), for which i am highly grateful. However, this has come with a price : anhedonia, complete lack of motivation, bad depression and weight gain. At first, I was willing to pay the price. My ocd had been a nightmare and the journey was very rough, i have even posted before about my chronic fatigue and how i was trying to deal with it, without getting rid of effexor. My psychiatrist , with whom i have been for years (she s very nice and most medically knowledgeable) , thinks that i should add more meds, and she has tried to do so through several ones: more snri , or antipsychotic, thinking that my anxiety is still at a high level , and that sedating my anxiety will solve my problems. I did tell her many times that I disagree, and that I self-prescribed some adhd meds (I am a doctor myself btw), with which i kind of feel better because i am more productive and i am more myself. She disagreed obviously. Before you tell me to change psychs, i tried. I have been to many before I met this one, and honestly, as a medic myself, i despised most of them for their random prescriptions and lack of listening (i was presribed a TCA once, after which i was completely delirius, and the doctor didnt even care).

Back to now: i really want to be myself again. I want to be productive, i want my memory back.i know i have potential, and it s killing me to be in this situation. and no matter how much i push through , i cant see much of an improvement.

So, since i am very sensitive to this drug, i was thinking of removing 1 bead every weak and to see my progress. Anyone ( highly sensitive to the drug) has done something similar ? any success stories ?

I d appreciate your support guys !