situationship with a traveler
So I met this guy last year. We instantly clicked, and he told me all these stories about his life as a traveler. Honestly, hearing about his experiences and the way he lived was amazing to me.
He only stayed in my country for a few days before leaving again to travel and meet friends. We said goodbye, but he told me he wanted to see me again someday.
And he actually did come back.
The second time, he stayed for almost a month for me. During that time, he met my family, I met his friends, and everything just felt fun and easy. But somewhere along the way, I realized I was getting attached. So I confessed my feelings to him, even though I already expected that he might not feel the same way. He told me he was unsure about his feelings.
Eventually, he had to leave again for work and travel. That goodbye felt heavier than the first one. Still, he told me, “It’s not goodbye, it’s see you again.”
Honestly, I doubted if I’d ever see him again after that.
While he was gone, I tried to move on quietly. Our communication became on and off. Sometimes we’d call, sometimes we wouldn’t talk for days, but he would still reach out first from time to time.
Then one day, I had a vacation planned, but it got rescheduled because of work problems. Around that same time, he messaged me and asked if I wanted to travel somewhere else with him instead. I got excited and said yes.
We met again, and those days genuinely felt like some of the happiest moments of my life. He even joked to the hotel staff that we were on our honeymoon lol.
After the trip, we went back to my country and stayed together in an Airbnb for a while. It felt peaceful. We went on small trips together, spent time with my friends, and everything felt warm and calm again.
But things shifted when his other friends arrived. He became stressed and frustrated trying to handle everyone’s plans. I could tell he was getting socially drained, and even though I wanted to help and calm him down, he got irritated, so I decided to give him some space.
A few days later, he went on another trip with them, and honestly, I started feeling like maybe I needed to distance myself too.
When we saw each other again after that, he looked exhausted all the time. I understood that part of him, and I really just wanted him to feel happy and relaxed around me.
Then he told me he had to travel again soon. I was okay with it, but I asked him about the trip we had talked about before — the one we planned after my original vacation got rescheduled — and suddenly he became unsure about it. That hurt me more than I expected. He apologized and said he didn’t know if he could go anymore.
Before he left, I surprised him with a cake for his safe travels. Seeing him smile like that made me emotional, and I cried after he left.
What’s strange is that this time, I couldn’t even say “I love you” anymore the way I did last year.
After he left again, communication became distant and inconsistent. I tried to focus on my own life — work, gym, friends, everything.
Then one of my friends found him on a dating app.
I know we were never officially together, but it still hurt so badly. I cried to my friend wondering why I let myself become this attached to someone who was never fully sure about me.
My friends eventually grabbed my phone and unfollowed him from all my social media so I could breathe and move on without overthinking everything.
Honestly, it helped.
But he noticed immediately.
And then he messaged me asking why I removed him.
So after he noticed I removed him, he messaged me asking why.
At first I didn’t know if I should even reply, but eventually I told him everything honestly. I told him that I got attached, that seeing him on a dating app hurt me, and that I felt stupid for letting myself fall for someone who was still unsure about me after everything we shared.
I told him I wasn’t angry at him for not wanting a relationship. I think what hurt me more was how emotionally intimate everything felt between us while also feeling so uncertain at the same time. Like we kept acting like we were almost something, but never really were.
He replied gently. He said he cared about me deeply and that the connection we had was real to him too. He apologized for hurting me and said he never wanted me to feel misled. But at the same time, he admitted he still didn’t know what he truly wanted because his lifestyle has always been moving from place to place, constantly traveling, constantly leaving.
And honestly… that response hurt and comforted me at the same time.
Because a part of me understands him completely. I know he isn’t a bad person. I know he genuinely cared for me in his own way.
But another part of me keeps wondering if caring is enough when someone still isn’t sure about choosing you.
Even after all of this, he still tells me things like “maybe we’ll see each other again” or “who knows what can happen in the future.”
And I genuinely don’t know if I should keep believing that or finally let go.