Feeling lost and hating myself and my life
I (21M), have just moved back to Japan for the second time. The first time I moved here I didnt have a hard time as I was leaving a place where I didnt have much (problems with my family and not really any friends I was close to). I was still struggling with depression but the feeling of moving out, leaving for my favorite country and such were more than enough to keep me going. I stayed one year studying at a language school and made some really great friends who are now staying in Europe. Ive now come back to continue studying the language but I just feel so isolated and alone. My depression has been getting worse even though Ive started taking anti depressants, I dont feel like im managing to connect / "talk" to people when Im going out and trying to socialize. I feel lost and like I'm wasting my life. And I hate myself for being depressed. I just feel like im super lucky to be able to afford and do such things and yet my dumbass manages to still be sad and suicidal. I barely manage to take care of myself for basic things like eating and drinking water, I dont feel like I can do anything right and I just feel like im a waste of space and that the world would be a better place without me.