Cutting my family off for good
I have finally removed my family from my life and I'm feeling so much lighter. They were the most abusive, toxic, narcissistic parents who had a very negative impact on my physical and mental health. Some examples include:
- On my 14th birthday, my dad told me life would have been much better without me. The reason? My mum gifted me a guinea pig for my birthday and he didn't want me to have a pet.
- Throughout my childhood I have been verbally and physically abused on a regular basis. My parents had their own issues going on - work, politics, money? I was their punching bag.
- My mum has always tried her hardest to convince me that I am very unlovable. She repeatedly told me that she is the only person in the world who can love me, but that she only loves me because she is my mum and nobody else can love me because I don't deserve it. She also told me that I don't deserve my friends or my partners.
- My mum always struggled with her physical image and with being overweight. She's put this all on me since I was about 5 years old. She told me I was fat and I should go on a diet throughout my childhood, since long before puberty. I remember my teachers' faces when me, a 7 year old, was on a diet. I understand why they were so shocked now...this has resulted in a life-long eating disorder.
- When I was a child my dad's dad hated me. He was abusive and used to call me all sorts of names, including bitch / whore (I was like...5 years old). My parents never saw an issue in that, said that's just how he is and kept forcing me to have a relation with him.
- My parents refused to vaccinate me for HPV when I was a teenager, because 'if I get vaccinated I will have sex' (church stuff). I have now been living with cervical pre-cancer for years and I'm waiting for it to get worse so that they can operate.
- Since I moved away from home at 18, every time I had a problem in life and I shared it with them (I only shared about 20% of the difficulties I've been through), they have ignored me at best or seemed to enjoy it at worst. They never showed any compassion.
- When my drunk abusive ex who I was living with made me fear for my safety and life, my parents completely ignored it. I was needing help to move out and to physically keep him away from me. They did not care. They refused to help. My friend's parents on the other hand offered to fly to another continent to help me.
- My mum kept trying to convince me not to leave my drunk abusive ex who was making me fear for my life because 'she really liked him' and because 'she feels much better knowing I am with someone'.
- According to then, every achievement I ever had, whether it's going to uni, doing very well academically, looking good, getting a good job, literally anything, has been because of them. It was their achievement, not mine. They always used to fish for good stories about me so that they can tell their friends how well they did at being parents. I've always been presented as an investment or a project to their friends. Recently, they have created their own new invented reality where they financially supported me where they haven't. They literally told me that I don't have a student loan, that I am lying about having a student loan, because they paid for my studies... Of course I have a student loan LOL, they didn't pay for any of my tuition fees.
- When I told them I was suicidal, they completely ignored me. They simply refused to engage and never answered my texts.
Throughout the past decade, I have cut them off for weeks or months at a time, several times. I always felt so much lighter, like I am able to focus on my life without being brought down. They always managed to sneak their way back, accusing me of being a terrible child 'doing such a thing do them'. They never, ever, apologised for anything. Nothing has ever been their fault. They are not accountable for anything.
Recently, I was having a conversation with someone about how protective parents are of their children and they said something along the lines of 'I'm sure your parents are exactly the same' and the penny dropped. I was never actually protected from anything. I was used as a human shield.