I'm in love but I don't think he is
I need to vent. English is not my first language so if it's incoherent I'm sorry lol.
I have this friend, it goes way back we've known each other for 17 years atp, We're both M23 now. We were each others first MLM experience. It was quiet for a couple of years till highschool then we hooked up again. It was a one time thing. I honestly think I fell for him then but I just suppressed the feeling and we stayed friends. Since then he came out, went to a university, had a boyfriend and all (they broke up), I thought I was over him. Well until recently. 2 months ago we were just chilling and watching rupauls, drank a couple of drinks and you can imagine what happened next. But this time it was different. It was tender, we kissed, we cuddled, couldn't finish bc of the alcohol lol, we continued in the morning SOBER. Since then we've been on a trip with mutual friends, we slept in the same tent cuddled and all. At first I thought about it as a fwb situation but I realised I'm falling in love again and I don't know what to do. I think it's a fbw situation to him and nothing more and I don't think I can do that. I joked with him about getting tinder but i really don't want him to look for anyone other than me. What the fuck do I do. We're going to meet tomorrow and I really want to talk to him about all of this but I feel like I might spook him. And if he doesn't feel the same I don't think we can stay friends at this point. It would be too painful for me but at the same time I don't want to lose him.
I honestly just need some advice as to what to do now. I know it would be best to just talk it all over but u don't know if I have the guts and strength for that.