Struggle in believing Jannah
As a Muslim revert, until now and realize I don’t believe in Jannah or any of its beauty. I really want to believe in Jannah but it a lot of its aspects just simply doesn’t call out to me. as hard it’s to believe. And doing my own research, not believing in Jannah means that I don’t believe in the day of judgement. Lending to the fact that essentially I wasn’t never Muslim to begin with.
I’ve tried looking into the Quran but for now, nothing in the Quran makes me truly believe in Jannah or have an understanding grasp of how it looks. Or why it’s so beautiful. Jannah conflicts with my core values to why I shouldn’t end my own life on earth when facing hardship. Which is to always accept the values of hardship, old aging, etc. It just makes Jannah seem far too much of a skip. And simply undesirable and unbelievable if what I said made sense.
Rant: It’s a really big struggle for me since I’m always switching in between “Muslim” and “I’m interested in Islam” as I struggle with my daily prayers & deen. But simply not believing in Jannah is a bigger issue here and knowing that Jannah is one of the biggest motivations for Muslims to keep up with their deen. I feel even more astray from Allah.
Just how can I start to believe in Jannah? Or am I ultimately doomed and unable to really be a Muslim?