i don’t know if i can listen to cancer anymore
this picture is of my dad sleeping in a hospital room during my aunts surger. cancer just feels different but not because it’s so sad but because i know ill have cancer someday it’s inevitable and i might die i most likely wont be an acception i basically grew up in hospitals and chemo centers to the point where the doctors and nurses at the chemo centers knew me and would bring me like hot chocolate from the break room when i was little. my mom is currently going through chemo, my aunt just finished chemo, my grandma on my moms side had cancer 8 times (not an exaggeration) before dying, my dad had skin cancer despite not being exposed to the sun in that part of his body which means he had mutated cells, my sister is currently testing herself for cancer cause she works in a lab at Stanford and found a tumor in her boob, my other grandma had brain cancer, my uncle has a tumor in his neck which my mom keeps telling him to get checked cause it’s starting to become visible. i grew up around sickness and watching people degrade my siblings which are so much older than me (im 13 my sister is 21 and my brother is 20) will never know they were studying for school or away at college during this they didn’t watch my grandma degrade until she died it was traumatizing she looked scary like not herself but i didn’t cry because i will never, my aunt having cancer was one of the worst i was there when she got the surgery to have the tumor removed from her colon it was a 9 hour surgery it should’ve never been that long i thought she had died and watching her go through chemo (for prevention purposes) was torture she basically lived at my house during that time and i watched her skin get pale and her eyes get bloodshot and her hair just go away and it didn’t cry. and my siblings had to go through none of it in fact my sister was in san diego at a chappell roan concert the day of the surgery and my brother was away at college. surprise surprise they also weren’t there when my own mom got lung cancer around the same time as my aunt got colon cancer. my mom was already a very unhealthy looking person due to anemia and celiac which affected the nutrients she gets but this was another level she looks like a corpse currently as she’s going through chemo and i won’t cry still but when she had first started i remember having to cook dinner every night because my dad wasn’t home from work and my mom and aunt were to weak to get up from the couch, and getting them their pills, and fixing their oxygen tanks and being yelled at for no reason because of the emotional distress on them and i didn’t cry. and i know that will be me someday that is why cancer is the most emotional for me