How to cope with grief and loss on my late father and staying with my narcissistic mother?
I (24F) have been living with my parents (62M) and (62F) since I was born. Pretty much grew up alone apart from neighboring relatives, grandmother, cousins, but none in the same household. I knew since I was a teenager that my mother is narcissistic, lack of empathy, conditional love and constantly playing the victim when things dont go her way. I also think she has borderline BPD but I am not a psychologist nor a professional in that field to confirm, just my personal observations. She would be angry and mad and then switch up to being nice and offering to cook me something as an apology but would remind me of how much she does for me. My father was also guilty of this but I dont hold it against him as much. We’ve always been a non-confrontational family and usually let the tension fade, no apologies just quiet moving on.
Fast forward to now where I graduated college and Im pretty much stuck at home, being held back by opportunities and options because its not up to their standards or what they initially had planned out for my life. My grandmother (my moms mom) passed last year and less than a month ago so did my father. I didnt take it well and I imagine so did my mom, her two sisters, my aunts also passed a few years back in 2021 due to covid and 2010 due to cancer. It all happened suddenly and we were left on our own, and it has been rough. We rarely see each other and I purposely avoid her to avoid conflict, she on the other hand tries to force us to bond and spend time together, even if I know it will eventually end up being arguments and constant back and forth.
This is our second big fight since my dad passed and I really am debating on moving out to separate myself from her. Ive been trying to be the biggest person for so long, understanding that she is grieving probably more than I think she is, but I cannot keep excusing her treating me (and others) this way just because of it. Any advice on what to do, thanks in advance.