r/OnlyChild

I’m a college student and an only child, and lately I’ve been wondering if anyone else feels like they have less independence because of overprotective or overbearing parents.

My parents care about me, and I understand that a lot of their concerns come from wanting to protect me. However, sometimes it feels like they have a hard time letting me grow up and experience life on my own.

I feel like I have to explain or justify a lot of my decisions, especially when it comes to my social life, going out with friends, or doing things independently. Sometimes, even when I want to make my own choices, I feel guilty because I know my parents might disagree or worry about me.

One thing that makes it difficult is seeing other college students who seem to have more freedom to make their own decisions without having to think about how their parents will react. I want to be able to make memories, spend time with friends, and have a normal college experience without feeling like I’m doing something wrong for wanting independence.

I also wonder if being an only child plays a role in this. When you're the only kid, does all the attention and concern sometimes turn into overprotection? Do parents have a harder time letting go because you're their only child?

I love my family, and I’m not trying to paint my parents as bad people. I just want to feel like I'm becoming my own person and learning how to navigate life without feeling like I constantly need permission or approval.

For those who grew up as only children with overprotective parents, did you struggle with independence in college? How did you get your parents to understand that growing up doesn't mean you love them any less?

As the title says, has anyone felt this or witnessed behaviours to suggest so?

Thanks in advance.

How can I even respond to this question? When people say this, do they not realize it is extremely hurtful and insensitive?

I’m 38F, an only child, and I think my parents have stolen years of my life.

Every time I tried to move away and build my own life, something happened that pulled me back. Family business problems, my dad having a mistress and my mom threatening suicide, or some other crisis that somehow became my responsibility.

I’ve spent my entire life putting them first, acting like their personal butler and sacrificing my own plans. I also live in a very corrupt country where getting a job in your field often requires political connections, so my career has suffered while years passed in unstable jobs and low salaries.

My partner and I have been together for 10 years. We’ve only now managed to buy a house, partly because I inherited half of it and because I’m pregnant. Unfortunately, it’s right next to my parents. Until we renovate it, we’ll live upstairs at my partner’s parents’ house with our baby.

Recently, my controlling mother told me it was sad that we were our age and still hadn’t sorted out our lives, unlike people much younger than us. I finally snapped and told her she was a main reason why.

She also seems to assume she’ll organize a celebration for the baby and invite her own friends. When I told her my partner, the baby’s father, would organize it, she genuinely couldn’t understand why it should be him and not her. This is the same woman who laughed when I told her I was engaged, then spat at me and called me a peasant when I said we would be living at my partner’s parents’ house.

After 35 years of verbal and physical abuse and control, she has been acting like a better mother lately. But I can’t just forget everything because she occasionally behaves nicely.

I’m terrified of living next door to them. Yet I still feel responsible for them, guilty when I put myself first, and trapped in this dynamic. Sometimes I wonder if it’s a kind of Stockholm syndrome.

I’m about to become a mother myself, and I desperately want to break this cycle. Sometimes I think the easiest solution would be to find a good job abroad and move my little family there. I feel like I need actual physical distance from my parents to finally feel like my own person and live a life that belongs to me.

Has anyone else felt this way? Did moving far away actually help you break free?

Some people do regret not having another.

My mother’s friend died and of course her mortality is back in the forefront of my mind. She’s still young but you know. She’s at that age where people around her are starting to die.

The only person I know of her entourage is my godmother. I know no one from my father’s entourage. So first parent to die, my other parent will be announcing it and inviting people. But once my second parent goes, who would I call? Assuming my godmother would be gone by then too. I am extremely isolated. I’m not close with my parents either.

Just something that’s bothering me.

Title kinda says it all. The full story is harder. I’m 29 years old and come from a Ghanaian immigrant family and my mom was my everything. We did become estranged a few years ago bc my dad is an alcoholic, i grew up with religious trauma and I’m queer and was late diagnosed with autism (age 26) and ADHD (age 21).

For whatever reason my mom who exercised, dieted, was loved by her church community and coworkers at Chase, caught cancer and died and it genuinely feels like my world ended and the old me died with her. My dad since like days after her funeral has been demanding grandchildren and insisting my queerness is “a lifestyle choice” and he started dating someone less than 2 months after the funeral so i moved 800 miles away and ghosted him. I’ve grieved dozens of people throughout my teens and 20s but since moms death in February, I feel like an orphan….

If you made it to the end. Thank you for reading and thank you for having this space.

I feel like I’m reaching my limit and I’m not sure what to do. I lived on my own while I was at undergraduate and graduate school. Once I graduated, I moved back home. I have a well paying job and could afford to live on my own but my mother doesn’t want me to move out. She doesn’t let me contribute to rent (very fortunate that I’ve been able to pay off some of my school loans). She says she wants me to have a better start than she did at life.

The problem is, my life is passing me by and if I waited to be totally debt-free, I’d be well into my 50s. I’m the only child of a single mom so it’s really just the two of us and our senior dog who can never be left alone. We are planning to move within the next few months and I made a compromise that we could still live together provided we could rent a house with a separate basement apartment. It’s been difficult to find a house fitting her mobility needs (can’t do stairs) that also has a basement apartment for me.

What I really want is just to have my own apartment. I feel guilty and can’t just leave her behind in our old, crappy apartment. I don’t know how to convince her to move to an apartment complex where I could have my own place and she could have her own place but still be close to share custody of our dog and see each other. She has always wanted to live in a house but hasn’t been able to afford one. Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you escape without the guilt?

TLDR: Only child to a single parent with elderly dog who can’t be left alone. How do I convince my mother that moving into an apartment complex with separate units would be a good idea?

I have a highly dysfunctional family, they are aged and they still criticise blame, abuse and abandon each other. I have no one else with whom I share.

I don't think divorcing is the right idea, I am single child and I cannot see them parting their ways. Whenever they're staying close, they're just fine but long distance does the otherwise.

I fear, what if out of emotions, any one of them took the wrong decision, I will be able to manage anything.

what do I do? how do I manage?