r/OnlyChild

Just wondering as I feel a lot of what I read here are from younger only children, late teens/early twenties maybe and I think that’s a different view point on being an only child by the time you’re in your 30s to 40s. It would also be really interesting to hear from those older too.

My mom moved me to cyberschool last year and I feel like im all alone since then. She works most of the day so i feel like the only time i talk to anyone is online. Sometimes I feel like I wish i had a sibling to spend time with. Anyone else feel this way or know of somewhere i can meet people who arent complete creeps?

I feel like I finally figured this out the other day… my dad had called me a few times over the weekend and I didn’t answer because I was busy. Not uncommon. I get along with my parents (now) but we aren’t “close.”

I called him back and he really laid it on thick like “I can’t get ahold of my only child whose whole life I sacrificed for and put all of our hopes and dreams into?” :(

Shit that like always gives me the instant ick because it’s too much pressure for one person who didn’t ask to be brought here. My parents always wanted children and due to health issues only had one. Me. Once I became a young adult we did not get along because we disagreed on fundamental things like religion and politics. They never gave me the space or acceptance to make my own decisions, and when I was 18, I left and never went back.

I am IN MY THIRTIES and they still try to guilt trip me about certain things like going to church or training my dog to the proper way. It’s crazy. Trust me I have set many boundaries with them. Our time together a few times a year is limited. But they still don’t seem to recognize the person I actually am and have gotten to know the actual me, versus the type of child they actually wanted and who they are still in conflict with trying to force me into.

I need advice, or a space to vent.

I've been financially helping my mother for the past 9 years. Sometimes its been a lot of money, other times it's been manageable. She has paid me back a big chunk before, but now is experiencing hard times again with the economy turning. I am struggling mentally to keep going and it stresses me out so much. I'm expecting a baby in 4 months, and while my partner andI have the funds to cover both the baby and her, it will stretch us. I just feel like we have learnt nothing in the last almost decade.

I know she's not at fault because her job is impacted by the economy. But I am scared we will do this for the rest of her life. She has no pension, no savings. And it's not as simple as saying no or cutting her off. We have no other family.

I’ve seen a lot of sadness on tiktok over people being an only child, how it’s lonely and depressing. I, personally, have always loved and would never change the fact that I’m my parents only kid. They worked a lot when I was young, so I had a LOT of freedom. I spent most of my time in middle school riding around on my bike with my friends or having them over to my house because my parents weren’t home and we could play mario and eat candy. I would never change a thing. I’m 24 now and the only thing that makes me wish I had siblings is the fact that my parents are about 60-63 and will be reaching the end of their lives soon. I have a strong community so I won’t be completely alone in dealing with this, but sometimes I wish I had a sibling to share in the grief and heartbreakingness of it all.

Anyways, here’s my piece on being an only child. 90% good, 10% bad. It definitely made me independent young, still with a lot of familial love, and forced me to built strong friendships.

I've been thinking about this for awhile, and I'm still pretty young so my decision might change, but I kind of feel guilty over not wanting kids. I'm essentially stopping my family line because being around kids exhausts me to no extent. On-top of that, I'm so scared about being lonely as I get older.

Does anybody else feel this?

I don't know if it's just me, but most posts I see here are kinda negative or about envying those with siblings. While I know others have different realities, I personally feel like being an only child is really nice (for me, at least). As a 17F, I remember being a kid and sometimes wishing I had a sibling. But as I grew, I realized that being an only child was the best thing for me. I feel like I wouldn't have had the same opportunities if I had siblings (+ I probably wouldn't had my own room, which I feel is sometimes underestimated). Also, even if you're feeling lonely, having siblings wouldn't necessarily guarantee a friend or someone you really would get along with (+ it's not like you would get to pick who would be your sibling). I also happen to be an introvert, so for me, having my own space is important (not everyone is introverted though). Again, I'm just wondering what others have to say about this and if others also enjoy being an only child.

I'll go first.
What I wasn't told was that it wasn't a compliment. It was just everyone around me being comfortable with how much I had already learned to shrink myself.
I made a short video about this because I couldn't find many people talking about it openly. Not the parentified child, not the eldest daughter trope, just the kid who quietly stopped being a kid and nobody noticed.
Drop yours below. Genuinely curious how many of us there are.

As my mom gets older and more tired, I sometimes wish I had a sibling just so I can talk about something funny I just watched or play a song I think is cool, but this is hard since my mom gets tired after work and sleeps and I have no close friends to share things with. I am usually left alone late at night with just my thoughts and my hobbies.

No siblings. No loving parents. No partner. No money. No friends physically close to me. Just another year. A step closer to dying. Alone most likely.

I've been trying to put this into words for a while now.
I wasn't the oldest sibling. Nobody assigned me a role. But somewhere around age 7 or 8, I just... stopped being a kid. Not dramatically. Not all at once. Just slowly, quietly, the way you don't notice something disappearing until it's already gone.
I became the child who needed nothing. Who was always fine. Who learned to read every room before even walking into it fully. And everyone around me called it maturity. It took me years to realise it was just survival.
I made a short video about it because I couldn't find many people talking about this specific experience. Not the parentified child, not the eldest daughter, just the kid who grew up too fast because life quietly asked too much.
Has anyone else felt this? Would love to know I'm not alone in this.

https://youtu.be/Ia6Q2P\_HRSE

I am an only child. My parents were both the oldest of two children, my mother having a younger sister and my father having an younger brother. Both of my parents siblings have not had any children so i am also the only grandchild on both sides of the family. On my dad's side I am the only kid and the closest in age is my second cousins who are 21 and 27. I dont know if this is rare or not as well as being the only child I have to attend all family events on my mothers, mothers side of the family and I was the first great-granddaughter and closest in age is my younger cousins who are 8. I feel like this is rare and I have no other kids my age around in my family.

I just want to mention they are elderly, (they had me late)

I love helping my parents out as much as I can.

But some days I just need to breath and relax and not do anything.

Everyday I have to be doing something to help them out and its just exhausting its almost like im burning out.

I (29F) am an only child so maybe this is why I can’t understand it (at least that’s what my fiancé (29M) says).

My fiancé (29M) used to have a close relationship to his siblings growing up, and was particularly close to his older sister (30F). She has somewhat a difficult personality. She is quick to judge and shows no restraint in giving her opinion and making negative comments about any situation, even when it’s not necessary and might hurt other people (for “the sake of being honest”). I find it a bit difficult to deal with her sometimes, because no matter if her actions or comments hurt me, my fiancé still expects me to ignore it and want her around, and brushes it off with “her being this way, and her being his sister”. He mostly tries to find an explanation to her behavior, no matter how bad it is.

For a long time he had this picture in mind that we would all get along really well and would be one big, happy family, but he is now starting to realize this might not happen. He pushed me to ignore her comments and attitude for quite some time, but recently realized the problem lies mostly with her (she admitted she doesn’t think relationships last and would not think anyone he dates would ever be enough - hence her recent behavior towards us during our engagement). This impacted him quite a bit at the time, but since then he has gone back to being the ever forgiving brother. I maybe should add I have a good relationship with his parents and younger sisters - the problem is only with her.

I don’t know how to proceed about this. I understand she’s his sister and he will always care about her, but I don’t understand enabling her behavior regardless of the circumstances or letting her face no consequences. I have developed an aversion to having her around, because I have a feeling she will always feel like she can act however she wants around me without facing any consequences. My fiancé says I should still be nice and friendly with her because this is who I am, and he doesn’t seem willing to change anything in his relationship with her, regardless of how she acts towards me.

How would you proceed if you were in my shoes? Is it true that because I am an only child, I don’t understand that this is how one should behave when they have a sibling?

TL;DR: my fiancé says that because I am an only child, I don’t understand the bond between siblings, which apparently includes letting them act however they want without facing any consequences.

Hi! I’m 28F and have been an only child for all my life (duh) but never really felt like anything was missing. I grew up with a village of people rooting for me, a great set of friends, and a relationship that filled up most of my time. I was also great at being alone and it never bothered me. I would think about having a sibling just for fun, not really yearning for it.

At this point with my friends as everyone moves onto different stages of life (getting married, moving abroad, promotions, etc.) I’ve been starting to feel incredibly lonely. I have a hard time opening up to my friends about things since I’ve always seemed like I’ve had it together but it bothers me that as much as I show them I love and care for them because my friends are the closest things I have to siblings, I can’t help but think I’m not receiving the same care. All because they have boyfriends that they would rather spend time with, siblings that they can hang out with.

I’ve always been attentive to people’s feelings, always want them to feel included. I wish people would think the same for me. Don’t know if I’m being unreasonable. I’ve also being feeling this great fear of losing my parents and dealing with it alone, feeling like no one truly understands how it’s like to deal with the grief of losing parents as an only child. I love them, but I also sometimes think they like to support each other during arguments that aren’t a big deal but at the end of the day it’s hurtful to feel like no one has my back.

This feeling doesn’t last forever right?

My mom (63) has stage 4 endometrial cancer and honestly I don’t even know what I’m feeling anymore. Her condition has gotten to the point where she needs constant support for basic things now. She can barely get up on her own and needs help going to the restroom, moving around the house, and even with meals sometimes. Most days she’s extremely weak from chemo and fatigue, so someone always has to be nearby to assist her.

I’m the only child (28F) I’ve already been the breadwinner for more than 3 years even before my mom got diagnosed last March, and now things have become even harder. I work two jobs and pretty much pay for everything at home.

Despite everything, I really do love my mom. When we found out she had cancer, I became obsessed with researching everything. I spent days reading forums, asking doctors questions, looking into treatment options, and trying to figure out the best path for her because I was terrified of losing her. I wanted to move as fast as possible with her surgery and treatment.

But there’s also so much history behind all this.

For around 10 years before getting sick, my mom had a really bad gambling addiction. My dad worked as a chef in a cruise ship most of his life and spent years away from home sacrificing for us while my mom spent years going to casinos almost daily. Many times she would stay there overnight. We argued about it so many times, not only because of the financial distress but also because of how lack of sleep may impact her health. However, she always said the casino was where she felt happiest and most alive.

A huge amount of our savings disappeared because of it. I even had to stop my flight training and pursue a different career because of the financial damage from the gambling. Honestly, I feel terrible for my dad sometimes because after 26 years of sacrificing at sea, this is what his retirement turned into.

The real reason my dad had to retire in the first place was because of his bad hypertension. About a year before my mom even got diagnosed, he already wanted to go back to working because he felt guilty and sorry that I have to shoulder everything. I stopped him because I was genuinely scared for his health. I told him I would handle things at home no matter how hard it got.

Now with my mom’s cancer, the financial pressure has become even heavier. I’m from a third world country, so medical assistance here barely covers anything.

My mom is very weak from chemo now and can barely walk properly. She’s asked twice already to go back to the casino and both times my dad brought her there (I think he associates saying no to her as hurting her since he could never ask her to stop gambling in the past too)

I think part of what hurt me and triggered me was seeing that even after everything that happened, even after the diagnosis, the surgeries, chemo, the financial stress, and the suffering the family went through because of gambling, the casino still somehow has a hold on her.

The lack of sleep and constant tension at home is honestly destroying me lately, but it’s not only the sleep deprivation. My mom complains constantly about everything. It feels like there’s never any appreciation or positivity from her toward us anymore. My dad and I actually realized she slowly stopped being grateful or even kind to him after he retired. It’s like once he stopped working and being away at sea, the dynamic at home completely changed.

If my mom can’t sleep, she doesn’t want my dad sleeping either. I’ve told her multiple times that this setup isn’t sustainable because it’s literally just the three of us. My dad and I need to rotate and take turns resting because I’m working two jobs while helping take care of everything at home, and my dad isn’t getting any younger either. He already has hypertension and back problems, so seeing him constantly sleep deprived and physically exhausted worries me a lot.

She curses at us sometimes, gets angry easily, and the atmosphere at home feels heavy almost all the time now.

And honestly this is the part that makes me feel guilty:
I’m starting to feel resentment toward her.

Not only because of what’s happening now, but because my brain keeps replaying everything from the past too. The gambling, the stress, the opportunities lost, my dad sacrificing his whole life while she kept choosing the casino over and over again.

At the same time, I still feel scared of losing her. That’s what makes this so confusing emotionally. I love my mom, but I’m also exhausted and angry in ways I don’t even know how to explain properly.

It’s honestly taking a huge toll on me mentally. There are mornings where I wake up already crying before I even fully process what’s happening. I’ve also started having passive suicidal thoughts lately, not in the sense that I would actually do something, but more like feeling mentally and emotionally overwhelmed to the point where my brain just wants everything to stop for a while.

I think the stress, resentment, guilt, financial pressure, caregiving, lack of sleep, and fear all piled together and now it’s hitting me all at once.

The truth is I can’t really talk about these feelings openly in real life because I already feel guilty for even having them. That’s honestly one of the reasons I’m turning to anonymous strangers on Reddit. I just needed somewhere to let this out without feeling judged immediately.

I don’t know if anyone here has gone through something similar, but how do you deal with loving someone while also carrying years of resentment and burnout at the same time?