My parents are getting divorced now that I’m 26. How should I handle my relationship with my family going forward?
My parents are getting divorced now that I’m 26, and I’m not really sure how I should deal with my relationships with everyone in the family afterward.
My dad isn’t my biological father. He married my mom when I was around four or five years old. But I do genuinely consider both of them my parents.
The family situation is a little complicated. When I was six, I was sent to live with my maternal grandparents in the countryside, and I stayed with them until I was 25. It was only last year that I finally moved to the big city and started living with my parents.
My mom and stepdad have been married for about 20 years, and I have three younger siblings: a 19-year-old sister, a 13-year-old sister, and a 12-year-old brother.
My mom recently told me that after the divorce, my 13-year-old sister will live with her, while my 19-year-old sister and 12-year-old brother will stay with my dad.
If I’m being truthful, I don’t think I’ve ever really felt much love or warmth from my family. At the same time, I still don’t want my parents to get divorced.
The strange thing is that now that it’s actually happening, I don’t really feel much of anything. I’m not devastated or extremely sad. I just feel... kind of numb or indifferent about it.
What I’m struggling with is figuring out what my relationships with all of them are supposed to look like after the divorce.
For example, what about my dad?
He isn’t biologically related to me. Once he and my mom are divorced, technically there won’t really be anything connecting the two of us anymore. But at the same time, he has been my dad since I was four or five years old. He has occupied that role in my life for about 20 years, even though I didn’t actually grow up living with him for most of that time.
So am I supposed to continue treating him as my father? Would it be strange to keep calling him Dad and staying in contact with him after he and my mom are divorced? Or should I accept that our relationship may naturally come to an end?
And then there are my younger siblings.
Some of them will be living with my mom, while the others will be living with my dad. How should I handle my relationships with them? Should I try to stay equally involved with all three of them regardless of which parent they live with?
I know I’m already 26 and technically an adult, so my parents’ divorce doesn’t affect me in the same way it would affect a young child. But I feel like the family structure I’ve known for most of my life is suddenly disappearing, and I don’t really know where I fit anymore.
For anyone who has experienced something similar, especially having parents divorce when you were already an adult or having a stepparent who raised you: how did you handle these relationships afterward?
I’d really appreciate any advice.