r/ChildrenofDivorce

So the headline says it all. I have three adult children, two of whom still stay at home. I had to leave our home due to the verbal abuse I received for not bringing in any income whilst I did a Masters. But it started way before then, when I was diagnosed with a degenerative disease. He was abusive to the kids, but as he said, he was the only one with a job and could put food on the table, so it was not for moving. Things had calmed down after I left, as he stayed out most nights and the kids didn't see much of him. A few weeks ago he met an artist who has no home; she lives in her art studio. Their relationship is being conducted from the comfort of our home. All the kids have said that they are uncomfortable with this situation and he says that he doesn't care. He's happy for the first time in years.

I have written a letter to her which I want to post to her studio; the kids are worried that their Dad will go nuclear if he finds out, as he is prone to do. I am a Buddhist, and err on the side of wanting to do things peacefully, but I'm concerned for the kids who are depressed about the situation and want to leave home. I want to act. I have recently gotten a small flat with enough bedrooms for everyone, so my question is - do I move the kids out and just leave the woman in ignorance or do I let her know the massive inconvenience and costs that her actions have created? The kids are 16 and 19 so not little children, but they have already been through so much change with our separation and being left with the "evil parent" whilst I was homeless. The divorce is taking a while, it galls me to think of the two of them in my home, using all the things I bought, wedding presents and such. AAAARGH !

My husband and I have been raising our grandson, Tyler, for the last two years. When Tyler was nine, his father cheated on our daughter and they divorced. Both his mother and father quickly remarried and started brand new families with new spouses and half-siblings. Because of the chaos, my husband and I stepped in to provide Tyler with a stable home.

I need to clarify that his parents did not abandon him in a legal or physical sense. They try very hard to be in his life. They show up for him, pay for things, and try to spend one-on-one time with him. But Tyler completely hates them for destroying his original family and replacing him. He refuses to acknowledge them as mom and dad, calling them strictly by their first names. He also harbors an intense hatred for his stepparents and half-siblings.

Normally, Tyler is a good student, polite to his teachers, honest, and loyal. But beneath that polite exterior is a terrifying amount of rage and resentment. When his parents try to spend time with him, his short temper explodes. He back-talks them using slurs, and it has even turned physical—he recently hit his father and pushed his mother.

Lately, his anger has turned into something much colder and more frightening. Tyler has stopped crying, and he has stopped laughing. He seems completely emotionally detached, except when it comes to one thing: he wants revenge.

Recently, he asked his parents a question that made them incredibly uncomfortable. He looked them dead in the eye and asked, "Who is paying for your divorce? You two, or me?" He has asked my husband and me the exact same question. We just sit there in silence because we don't have an answer for him. In his mind, he is paying the ultimate price for their choices.

To make matters worse, his parents are funding his current therapy. Because they pay the bills, the therapist keeps pushing Tyler to "forgive" his parents, calling them "flawed and imperfect." Tyler feels completely betrayed by this. He thinks the therapist is bought and paid for, and it has only fueled his desire for revenge.

This situation is now severely affecting his studies. My husband and I are 65 years old. We love him so much, but we are exhausted and terrified. Tyler is completely shutting down his humanity, choosing to feel nothing but a desire to see his parents suffer.

How do we help a 15-year-old boy who has completely hardened his heart? How do we answer a question like the one he asked? Please, we need guidance on how to find him a therapist who will actually hear his pain instead of protecting his parents.

So a little backstory, my dad cheated on my mom when I was 6 years old (while my mom was pregnant) with my now stepmom. My parents got a separation about 4 years ago (when my mom found out) and 2 years ago a finalized divorce. Well back to today, I was sitting down having family dinner and my dad’s phone was open. I saw an icon that I thought was tinder, went to my room. Went to AppStore to see what the tinder icon looks like, sure enough, he has tinder. I don’t know if I’m going crazy (I’m not I’m just trying to deny it) I don’t know what to do. I’m going to tell my mom tomorrow, and grandma when I next see her. But I seriously don’t know what to do in this moment. It’s better my step mom find out right now than later. But I seriously don’t know what to do, I think I’m in a state of denial.

Anyways, suggestions? I already know this is going to take a toll on my mental health.

Hello! I’m F17 and recently have gotten into a predicament. Today i finally told my mother and step dad i was thinking of moving in with my biological dad.

For context, i live with my step brother, half sister, and bio sister, my mother hits me and constantly gets into arguments with me, and even gave me a concussion recently as punishment, and my step dad is constantly threatening to beat me and makes me the target when him and my mom get into arguments, though my mom does defend me. I recently got tired of it after he got mad at me in a recent argument he was having with my mom. I began to tell my dad about my problems and he suggested to move with him. The problem with that is that my dad has no car and is doing worse financially than my mom and step dad, but he is financially stable enough to take care of me and I see him on weekends.

I am currently saving to buy a car so i’d be able to take myself to work and school. Although when I told my step dad and mom about moving in with my bio dad, things didn’t go well. My step dad cried (crocodile tears) saying he’s only harder on me compared to everyone else because he knows i have a bright future, while my mother said she would never want to see me again if i left, though she could be bluffing, sometimes she will say stuff like this and then be fine in a week. I don’t care what my step dad thinks, but I’m worried my mom would cut all contact with me if I do leave, we have our ups and downs but i still love her and at the end of the day she does provide for me with healthcare, food, rides to work and even luxuries at times, she also is mentally unstable, and so am I, which explains our rocky relationship.

I am also going to college soon anyway next august, so I was thinking of waiting it out and dealing with my step dad and mom just a bit more before leaving. But I also want to take the risk and just move with my dad and not have to deal with all the unnecessary abuse (?) i receive at my moms house.

So should I stay with my step dad and mother? Or go with my father and risk no contact with my mom?

Throwaway because this is cringeworthy.

My mom and dad were married for almost 20 years and up until this point, their relationship wasn't exactly strong. A few months ago, my mom was in a car accident. She was luckily not hurt, but her car was totaled.

The situation following the accident is what is causing the issue.

My dad was really mad that she got into an accident. It wasn't that he was mad at her for being hurt, he was mad about how much money it would cost to get her car fixed, and she kept telling him that it was a blessing that she was ok. He was so angry he started fighting with her about it. Now, I know that the car accident wasn't my mom's fault, since another car had ran a red light and hit her. But my dad kept blaming her.

A few weeks later my mom told us that she filed for divorce.

Initially I blamed her because I thought that she was just being childish due to the incident, but later she told me that the car accident made her realize how little support she was getting from my dad. She told me that the accident made her realize that if even when something horrible happened and she was ok, it was more important to him to fix the car than to make sure she was ok, and she didn't want to spend the rest of her life with him.

As of recently, they are in the process of getting divorced

I'm really upset because I feel like if the car accident never happened, they would still be married. But my mom told me that the car accident didn't actually cause the divorce, the car accident just showed her that the divorce was the right thing to do.

So am I AITA for feeling that it's partially my fault that they are divorcing because I was unable to prevent the car accident from happening?

My parents are getting divorced now that I’m 26, and I’m not really sure how I should deal with my relationships with everyone in the family afterward.

My dad isn’t my biological father. He married my mom when I was around four or five years old. But I do genuinely consider both of them my parents.

The family situation is a little complicated. When I was six, I was sent to live with my maternal grandparents in the countryside, and I stayed with them until I was 25. It was only last year that I finally moved to the big city and started living with my parents.

My mom and stepdad have been married for about 20 years, and I have three younger siblings: a 19-year-old sister, a 13-year-old sister, and a 12-year-old brother.

My mom recently told me that after the divorce, my 13-year-old sister will live with her, while my 19-year-old sister and 12-year-old brother will stay with my dad.

If I’m being truthful, I don’t think I’ve ever really felt much love or warmth from my family. At the same time, I still don’t want my parents to get divorced.

The strange thing is that now that it’s actually happening, I don’t really feel much of anything. I’m not devastated or extremely sad. I just feel... kind of numb or indifferent about it.

What I’m struggling with is figuring out what my relationships with all of them are supposed to look like after the divorce.

For example, what about my dad?

He isn’t biologically related to me. Once he and my mom are divorced, technically there won’t really be anything connecting the two of us anymore. But at the same time, he has been my dad since I was four or five years old. He has occupied that role in my life for about 20 years, even though I didn’t actually grow up living with him for most of that time.

So am I supposed to continue treating him as my father? Would it be strange to keep calling him Dad and staying in contact with him after he and my mom are divorced? Or should I accept that our relationship may naturally come to an end?

And then there are my younger siblings.

Some of them will be living with my mom, while the others will be living with my dad. How should I handle my relationships with them? Should I try to stay equally involved with all three of them regardless of which parent they live with?

I know I’m already 26 and technically an adult, so my parents’ divorce doesn’t affect me in the same way it would affect a young child. But I feel like the family structure I’ve known for most of my life is suddenly disappearing, and I don’t really know where I fit anymore.

For anyone who has experienced something similar, especially having parents divorce when you were already an adult or having a stepparent who raised you: how did you handle these relationships afterward?

I’d really appreciate any advice.

I'm 16, turning 17 in four days, and I'm about to start my senior year. I've been going back and forth on whether to post this because I genuinely don't know anymore if I'm the problem or if I've just been told I'm the problem for so long that I've started believing it. I'll call my dad Bill, my mom Sandra, my dad's first girlfriend Julie, and his current girlfriend Teresa. This is probably going to be insanely long because I don't think you can judge what's happening now without knowing how we got here. Basically, my dad and I have had a terrible relationship for years, and I feel like my entire family has been in some state of chaos since I was about 13. When I was going into 8th grade, I found out my dad was cheating on my mom with a woman he had known in high school. I knew for about a month before I finally told him. I was 13. I was walking around with this giant secret, knowing that if I said something, my entire family might fall apart. Eventually I told him. And instead of reassuring me or taking responsibility, he basically told me, "Go on and tell your mom if you want to hurt her and ruin the family." That has stuck with me for years. I wasn't trying to ruin my family. I was a 13-year-old who found out her dad was cheating. My parents eventually divorced. But here's something that still bothers me to this day: My dad never actually told my mom that he wanted a divorce because he had cheated on her. He basically framed the divorce as being because he wanted a divorce, rather than being honest about the fact that he'd been cheating. And to this day, my mom doesn't know the full truth. My mom has pretty severe MS. Her physical and cognitive functioning have both been affected by it, and she's obviously been through a lot. And before anyone thinks I'm blaming my mom for being sick, I'm absolutely not. I'm just explaining why this entire situation was so complicated. My dad knew she had MS when they got married. He knew she had it when they had children. He knew that eventually her health could affect her physical abilities, her cognitive abilities, and her ability to do certain things. And honestly, I can understand some of my dad's perspective. I can understand that being a caregiver or being married to someone with a serious chronic illness can be incredibly difficult. I can understand that he may have felt trapped, exhausted, unhappy, or that he couldn't live the life he wanted. I can understand that he had his own feelings about their marriage. But I don't understand cheating. And I especially don't understand making a 13-year-old carry the emotional weight of that secret and then telling me that telling my mom would mean I was the one ruining the family. He decided to cheat. He decided to leave. And he knew about my mom's illness when he chose to build a family with her. That's something I still struggle with. Then my mom moved away to live with her mom in Arizona. And one of the worst parts of that entire thing is that I didn't even get to say goodbye. The night my mom moved out, everything was happening so quickly, and there was so much chaos that I didn't even get a real goodbye with her. I didn't get a meaningful final moment with my mom. She was just gone. And I was left with my dad. And then Julie moved in. Julie was the woman my dad had cheated with. She moved in with her son. And my relationship with her was absolutely horrible. There was constant drama. At one point, she tried to get me expelled from my high school. There were situations where she threatened to sue me because I had seen the photos and messages that she and my dad had sent each other when I discovered the affair. My dog died during this period. Then my dad returned my cat to the shelter after I'd had it for seven years. There were also things I did that I absolutely admit were wrong. Bill caught me drinking, smoking, and doing other stupid teenage things. I'm not going to rewrite history and pretend I was some perfect kid. I wasn't. But I was also going through an absolutely insane amount of family instability at the same time. Things with Julie eventually got so bad that there was a restraining order involved, and after one huge fight where everything completely blew up, she moved away. Eventually that relationship was over. After Julie, my dad had some flings and eventually met Teresa on Tinder. And Teresa is honestly a completely different type of problem. She has two grown daughters and is extremely religious and conservative. I don't care that she's religious or conservative. That's not why I dislike her. The problem is that she has this attitude that she's better than everyone around her, and especially better than me. She isn't usually openly cruel. It's much more calculated than that. It's the dirty looks, the sighs, the little comments, the tone, the passive-aggressive remarks, the way she looks at me when I walk into a room, the way I can literally feel that she's irritated with me without her actually saying anything. And this happens constantly. It's become a daily thing. And then if I react to it, I'm apparently "too sensitive." I've tried telling my dad about this. He either doesn't see it or refuses to see it. I genuinely feel like he automatically sides with Teresa. And honestly, my dad is bad enough on his own. But the two of them together make me feel like I'm constantly on trial. One of the weirdest parts of Teresa coming into our lives is how completely she changed my house. I'm not talking about buying a few decorations. My house is almost completely unrecognizable compared to what it was before she moved in. The furniture, decorations, setup, routines, atmosphere — basically everything changed. It feels like the home I grew up in slowly disappeared. And I know technically it's my dad's house and he can decorate it however he wants. I understand that. I'm not saying I should get veto power over my dad's furniture. But imagine being a kid whose entire family has already fallen apart, whose mom has moved to another state, and then the house you've grown up in gets completely transformed by your dad's new girlfriend. It just adds to this feeling that everything I knew keeps getting replaced and I'm expected to just go along with it. And what's especially frustrating is that Teresa didn't even really get introduced as this huge change. Bill didn't properly sit us down and explain that she was moving in. She just moved in. Another massive change in my life that I was expected to accept. And this is a pattern with my dad. He makes decisions that dramatically affect me and then expects me to immediately adjust. One time he made me spend spring break at my Oma's house so that he could spend time with Julie. Then when he came to pick me up, Julie was with him. He hadn't told me. No warning. Nothing. Just suddenly, I'm getting picked up by my dad and the woman he cheated on my mom with. After everything that had already happened with her. I don't know why my feelings were never really considered. It was always just: This is what we're doing now. Deal with it. And now I'm dealing with Teresa. She expects me to respect her. She expects me to treat her like an authority figure. She expects me to listen to her opinions. But I don't feel like she respects me. And this is where I have a huge problem with both her and my dad. They constantly tell me that I'm almost an adult. I'm told, "You need to grow up." "You need to act mature." "You're old enough to know better." "You need to take responsibility." Okay. Then treat me like I'm old enough to have boundaries. Because they don't. They expect me to act like an adult when it means taking responsibility for my mistakes, doing chores, getting good grades, or accepting consequences. But I'm apparently not adult enough to have privacy. My dad goes through my room. He takes things from my room without asking. He makes decisions about my life without consulting me. Teresa can make comments about me and criticize me, but if I tell her I don't appreciate it, suddenly I'm disrespectful. I'm expected to respect their boundaries while they don't respect mine. I'm expected to communicate maturely while being dismissed when I actually communicate. I'm expected to regulate my emotions while living in an environment where I'm constantly monitoring everyone else's emotions. And that's probably the biggest thing I've struggled with. My dad's mood controls my stress level. If Bill is in a bad mood, I immediately feel it. If he's irritated, I'm anxious. If he's quiet, I wonder what's wrong. If he walks into the house angry, I immediately start thinking about whether I did something. I have gotten so used to monitoring him that I don't even think about it anymore. It's automatic. I've told him this. I've told him that the constant tension is genuinely torturous for me. I've told him that I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I've told him that I don't want to constantly fight. I've told him that I stay in my room because I am actively trying to avoid conflict. And nothing changes. I've actually developed really serious anxiety from all of this. It's not just that I'm "sad" or "stressed." It's affected school. My public speaking anxiety has gotten so bad that there have been times I've literally thrown up because I knew I had to present or speak in front of people. And then my dad looks at my grades and says I've gotten worse. My weighted GPA is around 3.88. I'm not saying that's perfect. But I'm also not failing. I'm about to start senior year. I was dealing with a ton of anxiety and family problems while trying to keep up with school, and my grades suffered somewhat because of it. And then my dad uses the grades as another reason I'm not doing enough. It's like a never-ending cycle. I'm stressed because of everything at home. My anxiety gets worse. School gets harder. My grades aren't as good. Bill criticizes my grades. I become even more stressed. Then he tells me I need to stop being stressed and do better. I've told him this. He knows. And I don't feel like he cares. So now we get to today. Bill asked me to go to the grocery store to pick up stuff for them. So I did. I came back, and Teresa started asking me where various dishes were. She held up a small black bowl and asked if I knew where the other one was. I said, "Oh yeah, I had one in my room, but someone took it out." Bill said he did. So apparently he had gone into my room and taken it from my nightstand while I was gone. And he's done things like this before. Which is exactly what I mean when I say they expect me to be an adult but don't treat me like one. I'm old enough to be responsible for everything I do, but apparently not old enough to have privacy in my own room. Anyway, that somehow turned into a 20-minute lecture from Bill. It started with the dishes. Then it became about me not helping enough. Then my grades. Then my attitude. Then how I'm getting worse. Then how I don't appreciate everything they do. Then how I need to change. And I actually agree with some of it. I could help more. I shouldn't leave dishes in my room. I could be more organized. I could probably do better academically. I'm not denying any of that. But it never feels like the conversation is about something specific I did. It feels like it's about who I am as a person. At some point I asked Bill why I constantly get dirty looks from everyone in the house. Teresa said that I'm always whining and that I always play the victim. And I completely broke down. Because I genuinely don't think I do. I don't go around demanding attention. I don't constantly complain to them. I don't even interact with them that much. I'm in my room because I'm trying to avoid conflict. And somehow that's wrong too. Eventually I started crying and said something along the lines of, "How is it possible that I'm doing so many things wrong? Like genuinely, how can I possibly be this bad?" I wasn't trying to manipulate anyone. I wasn't trying to make them feel guilty. I was genuinely overwhelmed. I wanted someone to just stop and tell me that I wasn't a terrible person. Instead, Bill basically continued. He wanted me to come up with a specific plan for how I was going to become better. I'm literally crying,g and he's asking me for a plan. Eventually I went upstairs. Then I left the house. And now I'm sitting here wondering whether I'm actually the asshole. Because I know I'm not perfect. I know I've made mistakes. I know I could help more. I know there are things about me that I could improve. But I don't understand why I'm expected to act like an adult while being treated like I don't deserve basic respect. I don't think being almost 17 means I should have complete freedom. But I think it means I should be able to have some privacy. I think my boundaries should matter. I think my feelings should matter. I think I should be able to disagree with an adult without automatically being labeled disrespectful. And I think if my dad keeps telling me that I'm old enough to be responsible for myself, then he should also recognize that I'm old enough to have a voice in my own life. I'm exhausted. I've spent years watching my family change. My mom left, ft and I didn't even get to say goodbye. My dad cheated. Julie came into my life, caused an insane amount of conflict, and then disappeared. My cat was given away. My dog died. My house changed. Teresa moved in. My relationship with my dad got worse. I've developed anxiety that affects me physically at school. And through all of it, I keep getting told that I need to be better. I don't want revenge. I don't want my dad and Teresa to break up. I don't want everyone to suffer. I just want some peace. I want to be able to walk into my own house without immediately checking everyone's facial expressions. I want to be able to have a bad day without someone turning it into a lecture about my character. I want to make a mistake without feeling like I've failed as a person. And I want to be treated like the almost-adult they keep telling me I am — not only when they need me to take responsibility, but also when I'm asking for respect. So, Reddit, AITA for distancing myself from my dad and his girlfriend and staying in my room to avoid them? I genuinely can't tell anymore if I'm protecting myself from a toxic family dynamic or if I'm actually the selfish, dramatic, ungrateful daughter they keep telling me I am.

My (16F) parents divorced about a month ago. I’m going over my mother’s new house for the first time tomorrow and I’m really on edge and don’t know what to pack? Can anyone help

I’m thinking about not contacting my dad and but yet I’m unsure. Around my mid teens my parents divorced and my dad changed. He’s started to be emotionally abusive toward me and my sisters. He lies to me, makes me cry, and scares me. I didn’t have a choice during that age. I only stay and endure his behavior to us was because of my grandmother due to her being lonely after my grandfather’s death. During my young adult year, my dad wanted to marry my stepmother at Hawaii. He didn’t give me a choice not to go it was a force. He didn’t really spend time with me and my sisters there, only for a day though. That got me thinking about leaving him for good and I did. But after few months, I came back. I kinda regret coming back three years ago. He never spends time with me and my sisters. He just gives us money to do whatever we want, nothing more! Which I hate, I don’t want any of it. All I want is an actual relationship with emotional connection. He was never emotionally there for me. He never really spends time with us. I hate going to the movies with him because he usually leaves me and sisters while he does stuff, it made me hate the movie: I.F because of the dad in the movie was really good and cried(worse part was he played by Jim from the office and he’a my favorite character) I want to ask but I didn’t want to bother him. I do these theater productions as an actress he offers to drive me to rehearsal but I think he only did because my mom told him to. In Father's Day 2026, we went to Dave and busters he just give us arcade card and just let us do whatever we while he and my stepmother drink at the bar. She is very supportive and always there for me. I don’t even know my dad and he doesn’t know me. Me and him don’t even tried. So what’s the point of still talking. It’s very awkward and quick conversations. Even since after Father’s Day, I’ve just been give very short text messages(no full sentences). He keeps treating me like I’m a child, I don’t know if it’s because of my disability or something else. So I’m thinking about cutting ties with him and never go back to him for real this time, I’m unsure.

Hi! For context, my parents divorced when I was about 8 years old and have had 2 separate houses ever since then, with my brother and I switching houses every Sunday. I start my freshman year of college in a few weeks, and am commuting since it’s only a 25 minute drive from either house. I have a feeling it’s going to be horribly inconvenient to move all my textbooks, school supplies, as well as personal items between houses on a Sunday night. Obviously it would be way easier if I were dorming, but I just can’t afford it right now. I’m wondering if anyone else has been in this situation and what they have done. Do you just pick one house to stay at and visit the other on occasion? Do you just switch on a different day? Pls let me know because I’m conflicted on what to do lol

I (F19) had a fight with my dad (M52) two weeks ago and we haven’t talked since. It was about a topic we usually always fight so nothing unusual, and we discussed it today and made up. But at the end of our call he suddenly announced to me that he was marrying his girlfriend, the first week of September and that i was supposed to congratulate him, i didnt know how to react. I’ve just been having a breakdown about it because I hate her.

My parents separated when I was six and my mom married seven years ago or something. My dad had a few girlfriends before her but theyve been tgt since forever, I think 10 years or something.

At the beginning I really liked her but at some point I started wondering if she was only with my dad for his money, because she wasn’t making a lot she was working in a clothing store and she had a small apartment and he’d always pay for everything. Eventually she moved in with us. When I came to that conclusion, I started to ignore her and at some point she confronted me about it and she was very mean to me. She had a one-to-one conversation with me and basically told me that she couldn’t sleep because of me and that I was a burden whenever I was home and I was really loud and dirupted their peace. I was really shocked and my dad wanted me to acknowledge her and if I didn’t do that, he would kick me out, which he did. After some time we eventually made up but I still hated her. When I confronted my dad about the whole situation, he didn’t acknowledge anything. He told me that I started it and that her feelings were valid.

The issue is when it comes to her my dad is blinded by love or whatever. she’s always his priority and whatever she says is true and whatever I say is wrong or doesn’t need to be paid attention to.

So after this happened I barely ever went to my dad’s house because i really couldn’t handle the whole situation and i didnt want to see her. Later that year my dad moved away to his childhood city and we saw each other less but we still kept in contact and we basically have a good relationship.

But I still have a huge grudge against her, we get along and we talk when we see each other, but I can feel her hatred.

She also just buys so many things (she gets packages delivered every day) she doesn’t pay rent she never pays for anything and always gets really expensive gifts from him. They also keep going on really expensive vacations without me and I just can’t seem to like her and now they’re getting married.

I’m partially also thinking about inheritance. I feel like she kind of robbed my dad from me and I don’t want her to get anything because she’s already actively taking so many things. Maybe this is also just something I’m hiding behind to ignore my feelings but it’s also just something that’s really preoccupying to me.

What do i do?? Can anyone relate? I’m so lost right now.

TLDR: Dad is getting remarried, but i dont get along with his girlfriend.

For context, my 2 young daughters (eldest is 4 and the youngest is nearly 3) know who I am. They do call me dad. I live in a different state (next state over, and moved partly for work and also partly for my safety). I also speak to them via videocall 2x a week, and fly to visit them every other month. But, they call me Daddy (my name).

It’s been a while they called me just ‘dad’.

My ex wife moved on pretty quickly after the separation (start of 2024) with her now partner (on the scene after several months). Anyway, my daughters call him Daddy Carlin, and me as Daddy (my name).

I had a pretty strong bond with my daughters before the separation; multiple friends and colleagues saying it’s disrespectful to not be called dad. At least for now, and while my daughters are having this concept ingrained onto the minds. If that makes sense.

Just wanting thoughts on if kids would find this confusing as they get older, if other people would also find it disrespectful if they were in my position.

So I really REALLY need some advice on this because I just don't know what to do.

I'm 15F and my parents are getting a divorce. but not for the reason I thought. When my mother first told me about the divorce she talked about how my father "has changed" and immediately started looking for places to move out. She was extremely eager to divorce my father and was rude to him all the time, but she recently slowed down. At first I thought my dad was an ass hole and he was the reason for the divorce and my life is getting messed up.

For some context that will be important! On my dads birthday a while ago my family all went out for a day of fun together, my dad was extremely excited to go the day before but on his birthday he was acting different. He was colder and didn't even want to go out anymore, which is really weird for him. We ended up going out anyway and first went to the dentist in the morning for an appointment and looked at college campuses for my brother. By the time we were finished it was the afternoon and my brother and I haven't eaten all day. We ended up going to a Texas Roadhouse where it would be an hour wait to get a table, at this point I was really hungry and started to whine a bit about how I didn't want to wait an hour and I was extremely hungry. Out of nowhere my dad started yelling at me in front of everyone, the workers, other familys and my own family. He was yelling shit like "don't fucking talk to me like that" and "your being a real spoiled brat right now, stop bitching and shut the fuck up". This is EXTREMELY out of character for him and he's only ever yelled at me before over math homework when I was in elementary school, NEVER in public. I obviously shut up after that and my mother got really mad and took us away to near by stores where my brother and I got boba and waited for our reservation. We eventually went into the Texas Roadhouse and ate like nothing happened, before going home. Once at home I went to my room to do whatever while my parents argued. My parents used to never argue, I only remember 2 other times in my whole life they argued like that.

But surprisingly this isn't the reason my mother wanted a divorce. For the next couple of days my dad looked and acted depressed. He kept saying stuff like "your mother broke my heart" while my mom continued life as normal. It wasn't around a month later when she told me about the divorce. I hated this and still do, ever since I was a baby we were the "perfect family" two loving parents, with stable jobs, and a nice neighborhood. Our friends, neighborhoods, parents coworkers would always praise us as such a perfect family. I thought we would be different from them, in a way I was proud of. My extended family on both sides always either ended up divorced, cheaters, drug addicts, or some other shit that younger me couldn't understand. Of course the family that wasn't like that we stayed close with, but I truly never thought my parents would get a divorce.

About a year ago I caught my father vaping. He quickly tried to hide it and I just pretend I didn't see anything. I later told my brother who told our mother. From what my brother said he had started smoking around when I was born and only recently switched to vaping. I couldn't understand how he could do that, the man who told me the kids at my school who vape are "losers with no life" has a vaping addiction. I obviously was pissed and I still haven't confronted him yet but at the time it just made me hate him a little bit more.

About a month ago my brother and I were having one of those late night talks in the kitchen about our parents getting a divorce, we though everyone was asleep but my dad came into the kitchen to get some water. We were sighlent for a bit before my brother left and my dad asked me what I knew about the divorce. I was honest with him and told him everything mom told me. He got really quiet and didn't say anything. I suspected something was wrong with him for a while now obviously, and I truly don't know why I said what I said. There were no hints and no reason for me to think or suspect this, but I asked "did mom cheat" my dad just looked down and I took that as a yes. We later went to his room (separate from my mother's) and he told be everything.

This one night is the single thing that changed my whole perspective. On my dads birthday my mom told him she has an STD, and my dad doesn't have an STD. She tried to blame it on it being dorment, but what are the chances that an STD would be dorment for over 22 years and not show up on past tests. And if she didn't cheat wouldn't her first reaction be to think it was my dad who cheated. My father of course was heartbroken that his wife obviously cheated, and my mother kept denying it and making up excuses. So my dad offered her to take a lie detector test in order prove she was telling the truth. This is why my mother wanted a divorce. She said that if dad doesn't trust her they should just split up. Like what?! If you were mad about your spouse accusing you of cheating wouldn't you try to prove them wrong, not be like "oh you don't trust me DIVORCE" if she had nothing to hide taking the lie detector test wouldn't be such a big deal. Why would you so easily be able to throw away a relationship of 25 years, with the person you swore to, the person you have kids with, the person you bought a house with. The person you share a Netflix account with?!

And before you think "oh he's probably lying" he has proof! Not only the STD but he overheard her talking to her friends about a karaoke night, a night she said was a girls night. So why did he hear her say "Tay (fake name) was so fun, he's my cuddle buddy" as her and her friends giggled like teenagers, which like girl I'm the 15 year old not the 50 year old. And the second my dad stepped into the room they all went completely quiet, but my dad already heard everything. He asked to go through her phone but she changed her password, when she finally did there were suspicious gaps in texts with friends she frequently chats with. When my dad asked "who's Tay" she immediately tensed up and looked hella suspicious saying she doesn't know a Tay before getting mad at him for snooping.

Now because my mom wants a divorce, a few this will effect us financially. My mother told me she wanted to keep the house so my brother and I could continue living in it but my that dad told her she can't have it because it's been in his side for 4 generations and how she doesn't deserve it. Which I later found out was false, She wants 50 50 on the house which will still not give her enough money to keep the house on her own and leave my dad also not being able to keep it. And I know it's silly but this house is special to me, when we first moved in when I was 8 it was the first time I could really make a space my own because we uses to live in a rental. It was the house my dad's father figured passed in when he was living with us. It was the house I met my best friend in and found out we were neighbors. I just don't want to give it up.

After my father and I finished talking he apologized for crashing out at me on his birthday, and said he doesn't expect me to forgive him for doing something so horrible and how he never should have yelled and cursed at me, but he did just find out his wife was cheating on him on his BIRTHDAY so I understand how much emotion he was representing at that moment and it just kinda blew up on me. It still doesn't make it right and I don't think I can forgive him yet, but I'm glad he took accountability for his actions and talked to me. He also said he knows I don't want them to get divorced and he's willing to forgive my mother.

Back to today my mom is currently on a work trip. And I may or may not have done a bit of snooping and found out there is a Tay on that SAME work trip, which coincidence? I THINK NOT. I did some more snooping and found out he has a wife and kid, but nothing else personal publicly. Now this could be a random guy who just so happens to also be named Tay and has nothing to do with all of this. But I'm not talking any chances.

So I guess we did turn out just like my extended family, parents are divorcing, mom cucked my dad and dads addicted to vaping...

the advice I want to know is should I confront my mother I know she is the reason for the divorce? I do still love my mom to death but it's just been eating away at me and I'm so tired of acting like she did nothing wrong. And a small part of me hopes that if she knows I know what she did, and how I feel she's ruining my life, she might apologize and realize her mistake. So then everything can get back to normal, I can keep living in my house, and my parents will go back to loving each other, and I can live my "perfect life".

Also sorry it's so long and if there's any typos I wrote this on my phone so sorry... T_T

my (16F) parents have divorced recently, it’s messy, it’s shit, yada yada, but there’s nothing i can do on that front. however, i’m just so confused on what to do now. My plan is to stay 1 week over my dads, 1 week over my mams, and so on. but wtf do i do with all my STUFF??? like i collect a lot of cds, dvds, and books, but my main issue is, wtf do i do with my clothes???
like does anyone have a solution to this? i dont have a lot of clothes as im not materialistic at all and will just buy 1 of smth i want. like i have 1 black cami top, 1 white shirt, etc. what am i supposed to do? i have like a total of 3 pairs of shorts and 2 pairs of jeans, i practically have little to no clothes. so what do i do when i’m over one of my parents house and have nothing to wear? my family has always been financially unfortunate and we can’t afford to buy me new clothes.

overall i’m just confused. this is at a really inconvenient time of my life especially as im starting college in like 3 weeks. i’m autistic and struggle with change and i don’t understand how i am supposed to adapt my life to suit this new lifestyle.

I’m currently 17(F) and I’m not happy with my living situation. My parents divorced when I was very little, and my earliest memories are just being thrown back and forth between my mom and my dad.

For a period, I lived at my grandma’s house, but it was a nightmare.

To make some examples , when I was a kid I had to use the bathroom, but my grandma had no wipes; since I hated the feeling of not cleaning myself, I grabbed a clean, unused tissue off the floor(I thought nothing bad would happen). When I honestly confessed it to her later, she called me pig as a nickname for an entire week.

Another time, I lost control of my bike in our parking lot after hitting a small rock and accidentally scratched a parked car while trying to break my fall. The boy father(whose I was playing with) comforted me and said the microscopic scratch wasn't a big deal, so I honestly confessed to my grandma again.

Instead of checking on my bleeding knee, she beat me up and lifted me in the air to smack my face better, and she only stopped because the boy's father physically intervened. In the end, the car owner made her pay less than €50 because the damage was basically nonexistent.

My dad was present during the first year of the divorce, buying me dolls, but he never actually tried to be a real father. Now that I’m 17, he has a new family, we haven’t seen each other in about 4 years, and whenever we do meet, it’s just for 5 minutes in a random parking lot.

We only talk through text, but I don't even want to speak to him anymore because he calls me a "bill" due to child support and claims I'm a bad, rude daughter. On top of that, my extended family constantly makes racist comments about him and his background right to my face, laughing as if it’s a joke.(PS. he’s not from a different ethnicity, my family treat him like he is from a different planet entirely. I really do look like his side, and my family doesn’t like that. Especially grandma.)

When I was 8, my mom remarried, and I thought I could finally live a normal life. My stepfather had a daughter from a previous marriage whom I accepted quickly, but over time, I noticed clear favoritism.

My relatives treated her with more care because she was quiet and calm, while I was more playful and rebellious. Even though I was good at school too, my parents and relatives always treated her like she was better than me.

My mom eventually enrolled me in the same school as my stepsister, but I started getting severely bullied for being "fat and ugly." Because I was rebellious, I would always fight back.

The teachers clearly saw who was hitting me, pulling my hair, or throwing food at me, but they only opened their eyes when I defended myself, and at the end of the year, they claimed I wasn't suitable to advance to the next class.(labeled as aggressive and my grades were not suitable. But in the end I passed because my mom insisted).

At home, my mom made things worse by screaming at me over the dumbest reasons, like a droplet of water on the floor or taking five seconds to bring her a pillow, and her version of "helping" with homework was just screaming at me when I couldn't memorize a paragraph on the first read**.**

By the end of age 8, I was already depressed and having suicidal thoughts. By age 9, I started having an identity crisis as I realized I had feelings for the same sex, which was terrifying since my extended family is homophobic and racist. When I tried telling my parents I was bisexual at a resort when I was 9, they took it so poorly that I had to claim it was just a joke. Over time, as I started dating girls, my mom slowly realized that opposing me or bringing up church wasn't going to change me, and today I identify as a lesbian.

Eventually, my mom moved me to a different class for my final year of elementary school, which I stayed in through middle school. The physical bullying stopped, but I didn't have many friends and stopped trying at school. My mom enrolled me in an after school program to get extra help, but the teachers there were deeply homophobic.

When I started dating a girl there, her homophobic parents pulled her out, and my teachers told me my behavior wasn't normal. They even forced me into conversion therapy with a creepy man who asked me invasive questions about masturbation while drawing a line to see if he could pull my attraction away from girls and toward boys.

While at that after school program, they also falsely diagnosed me with dyscalculia, dyslexia, and disorthography, treating me like I was stupid. Teachers started speaking to me painfully slowly during middle school and my first year of high school, completely destroying my self-esteem**.**

Even though I started working out in middle school, lost weight, and developed muscles and abs to get rid of my physical insecurities, I still wasn't happy. I was constantly mocked and genuinely believed I had a low IQ a belief reinforce by a fake, unofficial paper from my old teachers claiming my IQ was 84. Feeling completely hopeless and stupid, I attempted to end my life at age 13 by poisoning myself and claiming it was severe food poisoning, which spent me six days in the hospital before being discharged.

I later started going to real therapy, and while I never confessed what I actually did to my therapist, I started getting better. My therapist and psychiatrist have since completely debunked that fake IQ score, assuring me that given my ability to write poetry, speak three languages, understand complex texts, and process abstract logic, my actual intelligence is far above average.

High school hasn't been easy either, and I still deal with intrusive thoughts where I want to end it or feel completely empty. I don't even enjoy my hobbies like drawing, combat sports, working out, or gaming anymore, I just force myself to do them because deep down I want to live. I have an amazing girlfriend now who I love deeply, and I keep myself focused by self studying to get admitted to university for Biology next year so I have a purpose to stay distracted and live.

However, my current high school teacher makes my life a living nightmare. While she is hard on everyone, she actively targets me. After I offered an incorrect theory about a poem in class 2 years ago ,she stripped away my ability to speak for the rest of the period and began mocking me, asking how I could ever handle scientific subjects that require logic when I don't have any.

Recently, when correcting a test where I got a 6- (a C-, this is the average grade I got the whole year in her class), I folded my arms to listen to class corrections(PS, she even invented some grammar mistakes to lower my grade in my opinion, so I told my friend next to me).

The teacher accused me of being petty and complaining about my grade. When I got overwhelmed and started crying because I wasn’t complaining and screaming at her, she called me a "performative victim" and said it was useless talking to someone who "can't mentally understand."

My home life remains exhausting, and my mom calls me lazy and selfish, claiming I have no love for my family and that I'll come crawling back to her if I try to leave. It makes no sense to me given that I maintain high academic credits (around a 3.5 GPA for those outside europe), practice two sports, attend extra classes, and handle cooking and cleaning the house every day.

My dream is to finish these last two years of high school, leave for university, get a job, cut ties completely, and build a brand new life maybe even change my surname since my dad officially “abandoned” me after he refused to pay child support. Is it really selfish of me to hate my family and want to leave everything behind the moment I turn 19?

(PS. I’m not saying my family is like this everyday but most of the time is. I feel guilty about venting because I kinda feel like a spoiled brat. There are people who surely go through worse than me. Please be kind..)

I am 19(f) and my dad has cheated on my mom on two separate times before, first when I was only a baby, where he had a son outside of marriage, (my mom knows and has forgiven him, neither me or my older sister knew until last year) and second, with another woman who convinced him to leave the house and "divorce" my mother (he never did because that would mean paying maintenance). When this happened he would often thretean my mother with divorce, saying he would leave her with nothing. He later broke up with her and apologized to all of us, came back to live with us and things have been fine until now, where I saw him texting this same woman making plans and telling her he loves her, and now I don't know what to do.

For context, my mom stopped working when he married my father, she doesn't have anything in her name and my sister lives in another country, she doesnt have a house or citizenship there yet, and may never will. Her mental health was also extremely bad, and even thought about killing herself (she never tried though), she has been recently going to therapy and is much better, but I know that telling her about this would probably destroy her again. I also don't was to tell my sister because I know she would take this way harder than me and wouldn't be able to keep it a secret. I don't know if I should even confront my father, since I extremely doubt he will stop seeing her just because I tell him, and I don't even think he will ever change.

I really don't know what to do, please give advice

I am a non-binary lesbian (39) and my wife is 31. I have three kids ages 12, 12 and 7 from a previous marriage with a man. I see a lot of step parents that talk about how miserable life is as a step parent is. I do think that it is a huge sacrifice for someone to be a step parent. She and I have talked about what the experiences like and it sounds like she often gets the short end of the stick.

Here’s the thing, I love this woman and I want to do everything I can to consider her and protect her in this relationship because I value her choosing me. I’m curious if anyone has been a step parent who stayed and what did your partner do to make sure that you felt seen and supported? Additionally, what are some pitfalls that I can try to avoid that really drain my partner or the relationship.

There’s a lot of different details I could share, but I think I just would love to hear other people‘s experiences where they’ve been in a long-term relationship with someone who has three kids and are not just completely miserable. I have noticed a trend in relationships that are hetero being really difficult, but I think that queer relationships can also have some of the same issues but the dynamics are also very different. I do not mind her “nacho” parenting and she does try to be at least a little involved. My kids are obsessed with her however, there is just a lot of dynamics that make this trick to navigate as many blended families. Thank you for everyone’s feedback ahead of time.

I would also be down to hear from adult step children, and what that experience was like and how I can consider them. I feel like it’s my job to be a bridge between my step kids and my wife and I want to bring my A game.

Okay a bit of context i am 41 🔄 going on 51 🔄 my dad 53 got married last year to a new woman 32 (this is his 5th wife ever since him and my bio mom got divorced and he was married to another woman before he got married to my mom aswell) and im not very comfortable with her but i am expected to call her my mom. I don’t have a liking to her since she’s very backhanded when it comes to either priorities or compliments, or just saying anything in general. Last year when they got married they had gotten married in a different country since she is from there and we flew there. At that time we had sold our house so we had a ton of money (important for later) and he spent around 15-20k on the wedding alone. At that time i had been sick due to my immune system being extremely weak so i wasn’t able to do much (before the wedding), i would ask him to bring me stuff and he would scoff but he would follow through anyway. I will say i am very grateful for the things he has done for me because i do not want to come off as ungrateful. While travelling we had came back in june for my middle school graduation, i was still sick at that time so i would still ask him for stuff and it would be the same response everytime, like it hurt him to spend money on me. When we had went to go visit his wife the first time which was for the wedding he had bought her a shit ton of gifts (cost him around 400) but he would refuse to buy me a 6 dollar chocolate. Then her birthday came up in july and he had a huge celebration for it (he spent around 1.5k alone on the birthday) and my birthday was the month after (august) and back then we were in our home country (i will not be saying where) and we decided to celebrate my birthday there. I had suggested that we just invited my family members over to our house and there was no need to celebrate my birthday in a restaurant because it was unnecessary but he had insisted. I gave in and thought that would be the end of it but two nights before my birthday he started guilt tripping me and saying that i was “too expensive” and that he had spent alot of money on my birthday, i tried to bring up the fact that i had thought it was unnecessary and that he was the one who was insisting on it but he wasn’t having it. In our family, family members give the other person money for their birthday so he made all of the money back but he never dropped it and always pestered me about the fact he spent money on me, he would say it like it was an obligation and not something he had insisted on. I didn’t even receive a gift from him, or even any gifts for that matter since he kept all the money i had received. Fast forward last month was his wife’s birthday, she does not live with us since her pr is still being processed so she is still back in her home country, yet he still bought her gifts that she is not even able to receive. He spent around 700 on her gifts and celebration even though he insists that money is tight at the moment. My birthday is in 6 days and he refuses to even buy me a cake or a present because he says it is “too expensive”. I have lived with my dad for 3 years and never have i once received any presents from him on my birthdays and yet him and his wife have been married for only a year but he showers her with gifts. I have no one to ask for advice and i don’t know what i should do, i feel as though im overreacting but i haven’t once felt like im prioritized when it comes to him.

I left home due to complications, after a year I realised my fathers was even worse now I feel like I’m messing people about moving back, anyone else had this experience? They live quite far away too:(