r/ChildrenofDivorce

Location: Texas
I’m active duty Air Force and stationed out of state, so I’m trying to help my mom from hundreds of miles away.
Back in March, my divorced dad (50) told my mom he was staying at her house for two days because of VA appointments. Four months later, he’s still there.
During that time he changed his mailing address to the house, moved in almost all of his belongings, brought his cat, and now acts like he lives there permanently.
This is not something my mom agreed to. She’s told him to leave more times than I can count.
The part that makes me the most angry is that this isn’t even the first time he’s tried this. He’s slowly inserted himself back into the house before, but when I still lived at home I pushed back hard enough that he eventually left. I genuinely think he waited until I enlisted and moved away because he knew my mom would be by herself.
The frustrating thing is he has options.
He receives roughly $2,000/month in military retirement. He substituted during the school year but hasn’t worked since summer started. He keeps saying he’ll “find a job soon,” but that’s been the excuse for months.
His own family has offered to help him get an apartment. They’ve offered to help him move. They’ve tried talking sense into him. He refuses all of it.
Meanwhile, while living in my mom’s house for free, he paid off his car and even bragged about it.
Living with him has become miserable.
Security cameras show him going in and out of the house well over 100 times a day. He’s already broken a lock and jammed the garage opener from constantly using it.
Every single time he goes outside to smoke, he walks through the house turning off every ceiling fan first. We’ve asked him countless times to stop because it makes absolutely no sense and is just one more thing everyone has to deal with. He refuses.
He tells my mom to “shut up,” including in front of guests and her own relatives.
He slaps her butt, demands hugs, and gets offended or accusatory when she tells him no.
He uses the bathroom with the door open, lies naked on beds afterward to “air dry,” doesn’t flush, leaves the toilet seat up, and often doesn’t wash his hands.
He called my sister and me “spoiled brats.” He said it to my face after I came home on leave from training because I told him he shouldn’t tell my mom to shut up after she told him to cover his mouth when coughing.
He expects my younger sister to drive him places despite managing perfectly fine before he moved in.
He also lies about my mom.
He brought his cat when he moved in. One day the cat jumped onto the dining table while my mom was eating, so she pushed it off the table. He immediately started yelling and later told his own brother that she “beats” or “abuses” his cat, which is completely false.
My mom is also a naturalized U.S. citizen, and English isn’t her first language. He knows legal situations intimidate her and has even threatened that he could somehow get her citizenship taken away. As far as I know that’s complete bullshit, but it scares her because she doesn’t know what rights she actually has.
After months of begging, I finally convinced my mom to contact my dad’s family instead of trying to deal with this alone.
To their credit, they’ve been trying to help. They’ve talked to him repeatedly, offered to help him find an apartment, and they’re sending my mom an eviction notice template to serve him. They may even come down in about a month if this still isn’t resolved.
The problem is that he simply refuses to leave.
We also finally located the divorce decree. The court awarded the house to my mom in the property division. His name is still on the mortgage though.
And this is where my frustration shifts toward my mom a little too. I understand why she’s overwhelmed—English isn’t her first language, she’s intimidated by the legal system, and she’s spent years being manipulated by him—but she also genuinely doesn’t know what rights she has, so she freezes instead of acting. That’s why I’m here trying to figure this out for her. She also relied on me too much to basically deal with him, which as a daughter frustrates me. Their relationship isn’t my issue to resolve/ create boundaries for.

My questions are:
We can’t afford an attorney.
So what can we realistically do ourselves?
Can she file an eviction on her own?
Does the divorce decree make this an ejectment instead?
Does his mailing address change anything legally? Like he’ll be considered squatting so we can’t kick him out?
Are there legal aid organizations that help with situations like this?

I’m honestly just trying to figure out every option we have because I’m tired of watching him manipulate my mom while refusing every reasonable opportunity to leave.
Also my little sister is there for the summer for college break.

Edit: he does pay the water and gas bill and everyone’s phone bill. But that’s not shit

Not necessarily just for US but it's actually for everywhere.
I was wondering if any adults here that had divorced parents and one parent moving you away from the other parent?
Briefly describe what you remember in your life during that time and how are you doing now?

Another question is if anyone here who has adult children that grew up getting moved away by you?
Did they eventually moved back to the other parent when had the chance?
Or later on, the Court Order got switched for whatever reason (state the reasons)?
If you moved the child away, did they resent you or favor you more now?

I'm not a product of a Move Away but I am a product of divorced parents, because my Dad left for work reasons, he wanted to bring us but my mom didn't want to move and at least with me, not sure what my siblings thought, but I didn't want to move.

So my situation isn't what I wanted to know about. Wanted to know stores of adults that was a product of a Move Away situation. And also wanted to know stories of their adult children that you moved away from the other parent. I have an 11 yr old son and 9 yr old daughter that's being moved away from me. I just wanted insights how kids from a move away situation especially if you as a parent moved them away. Thanks

I’m having lots of trouble currently, my parents are in a custody battle for me and I wanna go to my mom but, I don’t wanna hurt my dads feelings. But if I go to my mom I’m hurting her feelings. I’ve been around my mom all my life and my dad was never around he missed lots of my birthdays and believes me and him will get a nice house and dogs. But he never seen often I’ve only seen him once 2025, 2026, 2020, 2018, 2015. he’s never been to my first football game only mom has and I’m very problematic child with my mom and whenever I didn’t wanna listen I ran away twice or told my dad whenever I’m upset and made it very dramatic which makes my mom looks bad. I should have never done it his whole family treated side me bad. My mom has boiling blood cause of some things he did in the past to her. Reddit I really need help so please give me an opinion.

What happen after ur mom and dad divorce??

We’ve had 50/50 since they were practically born. My son is 2 months from 18 and has decided to live full time with his father. Since he works with him selling batteries door to door. Now my almost 16 yo daughter is voicing that she also wants to do the same. I do my best to make sure they have everything they need/want but I feel like I’m falling short here. I’ve asked her why is that she wants this all of a sudden? She states that she wants to make money like her brother and go to college as if she can’t do that while under my roof. Idk what else to do but I am not going to back down on parenting just to get her to stay. I’m at a point where maybe I should let her go even though it will break my heart. What do I do?

Hi everyone! Before posting, I want to apologise if i don’t use reddit correctly because this is my first time posting.

Anyways, I’m a 14 yo girl who needs advice on what to do. I’ll start by explaining quickly the story of the divorce of my parents.

My mother and father have been together for a long time. They had three girls: My older sister, (2 years older) and my younger sister (6 years younger than me). My mom was a sahm and my dad was working. To be honest, I don’t remember much of my childhood, but i do remember there was a lot of yelling. At some point, i think i was hit once??? When i brought it up a few years ago to my parents and they acted as if i’m crazy, so don’t take this too seriously. Anyways, my parents always resented each other. During car trips, they would argue madly, and at the end they would kiss and it was always like a moment of relief to me and my older sister.

My moms parents live with us, and it’s very normal in our house for my mom to be talking shit about my to grandma, and then my mom talking shit to me about her mom, and basically like this cycle of hatred. In fights, I usually take my sisters sides, and i always defend my younger sister.
(For context, our family is slavic living in North America, so it’s not like the american stereotypical family).

A few years ago, my dad went on a work trip, fell inlove with a younger woman, texted my mom that he dosent want to be with her anymore. You know how it goes. My mom was crying very hard: i was the one at her side, consoling her. She would talk badly about my dad to me. I thought it was normal, so i was confused when my friends told me it wasn’t okay for me, a 10 year old child to be listening to my mom venting constantly.

The divorce process was very hard and long and stressful. My sisters and I chose to be with my mom, because it was either her or my dad full time, no two weeks there to weeks here.

When I was 12, life with my mom got awful. My house felt toxic: anything I would do resulted in my mom and I getting into a fight. She loved using the saying “move out of here and go live with your dad” to both me and my older sister. At the time I was friends with a girl who had the perfect parents who loved each other, so she told me “Just go live with your dad what’s the big deal?”

So I promised myself, that if she starts yelling at me for no reason I’ll tell her that i will live with my dad. And that day i came home from school. I remember she was sitting with my grandma at the dining table. She started yelling at me. I just came home from school. I didn’t even have time to do anything. So i told her that fine i’ll go live with my dad. She said some pretty hurtful things like she dosent care if i go live with my dad, she only cares that they might make my little sister do 2 weeks here and two weeks there. She also told me that if I choose my dad i’m not her daughter anymore. I stayed with her.

Life has gotten better with her, we don’t fight as much as we used to, and all in all it’s okay. It’s important to note that my mom has a lot of debt to pay after the divorce situation, so I feel extremely guilty for any purchases i make. I do have a house and almost everyone has a room for them, so i am grateful for it and the food that my mom earns. She did say she’ll get me a therapist, but she never did.

My dad also isn’t this sweet awesome guy who is the victim: he is rude and also yells at me. I’m not sure how to explain it, but he dosent feel like family to me. He also almost never apologises, and he is lowkey racist and homophobic. (I’m gay, he dosent know that). I know i talk about my mom mostly in this post, but that’s because i live with her.

Back when he lived in my country, i would stay every few months one weekend at his place. Everytime i would come home, my mom would get mad at me, but because she can’t outright say it’s because i stayed with my dad, she would fine some dumb excuse or be passive aggressive.

Anyway, going back to the money problem, I am jealous of my friends who go on yearly vacations, because i haven’t been on a true vacation since 2018.

This is where i need advice. My 50 year old dad moved to the US with his wife in her 20s. He invited me to go visit him, and honestly, i really want to go. I talked to my mom about it yesterday, and she was basically something like “ugh do whatever you want as long as i don’t have to do anything”. The problem is, she does need to drive me to the airport at like 5 am, because the mother must be present when i get handed off to the aviation company ( i will solo travel as a minor.) She refuses to do that.

I told my dad i will talk to her. He said if she dosent agree to drive me, he will talk to her. That is what i’m scared about: I know for sure that they will start fighting again, my mom will get mad at me, start the whole thing of me living with my dad and then she’ll hate me. I don’t want any of this. I just want to go to the beach.

Important to note! I haven’t been physically abused by any members of my family!

I’m not sure on what to do, or what to say or i don’t even know at this point. Didn’t feel like talking to my friends or AI about this. Sorry.

On the coparenting sub I have a sense of what 50/50 custody seems to be preferred but I would like to get the perspective of children of divorce. For context, we have a 2-2-3 schedule currently with a 4 year old boy. When he turns 5 and starts kindergarten we are considering a 2-2-5-5. The advantage of this is that your days are fixed and what rotates is Friday to Sunday with the other parent. It also feels like less movement compared to the 2-2-3.
Can anyone share which schedule they did, how old they were, if they were an only child or not, and how whatever schedule you ended up with affected you. Did you resent it. Did anyone actually prefer the 2-2-5-5?

I'm a father of an 18-year-old daughter. Until a little over two years ago, we were very close. Following a very turbulent period, and even more difficult divorce, she chose to leave with her mother abruptly overnight and our contact has been almost non-existent since. She also cut off my side of her family who my ex had repeatedly accused of being abusive and causing most of our family problems. I've continued supporting my daughter financially, respected her space, and tried to leave the door open without pressuring her.

I've spent a lot of time reading posts from estranged adult children because I genuinely want to understand the other side. While they've helped me, they've also left me with a few questions that I can't seem to reconcile.

The message I often see is that a parent's role is to continue loving unconditionally, respect no contact, leave the door open indefinitely, and expect nothing in return. Some also say they didn't choose to be brought into this world so it's the parents' responsibility to do everything for their kids. I understand why that makes sense where parents have been genuinely abusive.

What I struggle with is this: once the child becomes an adult, does the relationship ever become a shared responsibility? Is it possible to believe a parent should continue loving unconditionally while also believing the adult child has some responsibility for the relationship, for questioning their own narrative, or for acknowledging that two people can experience the same events very differently?

For those of you who are estranged from a parent, I'd really appreciate your perspective:

1. During your estrangement, did your parent still matter to you, even if you wanted no contact? Looking back, did you still recognize the good they brought to your life, or did that only come later—if at all?

2. Has your understanding of your parent become more nuanced over time? If so, what changed?

3. Finally, what is one thing you wish estranged parents understood about estranged children—and one thing you wish estranged children understood about their parents?

I'm not here to debate or defend myself. I'm simply trying to understand an experience that, from where I stand, has been incredibly painful and confusing.

I dated my ex boyfriend for a year and a half. The reason for us breaking up was because his mom thought I was “disrespectful” while at his cousin’s Trunk or Treat event few days prior. At the Trunk or Treat, it was a public place in a completely different town (1.5 hours away from us) and I am a shy, introvert person. So, yes I was quiet. I asked my ex if we can take a walk around to see the trunks decorated, and we went. His mom also acted a bit strange towards me. The week prior, she got upset that I helped decorate with them outside and didn’t ask. But I even asked him, and he said no everything was fine. Well, two days later he told me that his mom said that I was disrespectful and then he even added on that he doesn’t understand how I could be shy around his aunt and cousins when I’ve been in their presence previously. He then proceeded to add on that my mom was also disrespectful weeks prior to his mom, when — we went to a concert with his mom, him, my mom and I, and on the way to the car my mom asked his mom what side she sits on (meaning the back). His mom didn’t respond, and my mom thought it was because she didn’t hear her after the concert so she asked again. Well, he said it was disrespectful because we should know this his mother always sits in the passenger front seat all the time. When I told him it was my mom just being respectful and asking so she didn’t sit on the side and he can’t assume we all know their family unwritten rules he told me it’s not a rule it’s just a sign of respect. Upon asking him if we are breaking up because of what his mom said he told me that his mom didn’t want me over the house anymore. I tried being the bigger person even though I know I had nothing to apologize for, by sending an apology text to her. She ignored it. He knew I sent it, but she never told him I reached out. He told me in order to talk to her about me and the situation, he had to “read the room.”
Back story on him: he is an only child (30 years old) and was raised by his Italian mother. Apparently he didn’t have a good relationship with his father; I never even met his father in that 1.5 year of dating. His mom couldn’t even go to the doctors on her own; he had to take her. If he worked overtime or did a double, she would cancel her doctor’s or hair appointment. It also got to the point that she was going out with us a lot more than the two of us were going out. And due to his work schedule, we only got one day a week together.

We broke up last October, and I am in a good place. I just came on here to see if it’s me. Any one I tell the story to tells me exactly what I believe too. But I’m not sure if it’s because they tell me because I want to hear it. I want people of Reddit to tell me their honest truth on this.

OK, so the backstory-

Parents divorce divorced when I was 11, after my fully autistic nonfunctional sister went to live with my mom’s parents.

Father worked on the railroad was never around much in the first place. After the divorce was pretty much on my own, my mom had to go back to school and get her life together after being married to my dad for 13 years.

My grandparents took care of my sister until they died. My mom has been taking care of her since then about the last six years. My dad had pretty much washed, his hands of any financial obligation, certainly and even any basic concern for her welfare or anything. He remarried and stayed married for 30 years until she died in January.

We haven’t been close over the last several years because I find it hard to Relate to him and how he has dealt with that situation. Not once as he picked up the phone to call my mom to coordinate about her care or what’s gonna happen to her once they are gone.

The last couple years, I found it within myself to not hold that anger in any longer and I have had more contact with him after his wife died simply because I’m more empathetic than he is.

When his wife died, he immediately started planning his move. He didn’t wanna stay in their big house because it felt lonely. She had dementia for a couple years prior and he said it was just too rough to stay there on his own so he rented an apartment before he even put his house on the market. His house said on the market for nearly 6 months. He got an offer, for 445. He had asked 500,000.

On the inspection, they found water damage in the buyer backed out. He’s been so stressed about making mortgage and rent payment that he told the realtor to Chris it to . He wanted it out of it.

Apparently, she did just that found a buyer(most likely someone she knows it’s close to so she can benefit from this) and agreed to sell for $270,000 which is what he purchased it for. And he still owes about 100,000 on it.

They close in two weeks

I’ve had low expectations from him for many years. I thought maybe one day he would leave some money for my sister to be taken care of at the very least.

But it appears he only cares about getting out of his mortgage and rent payment so that he can survive on his railroad retirement for the rest of his life.

I’m just flabbergasted. He could’ve sold it to me or my brother or anyone close to him for them to flip it and make money if you didn’t need the money.

So he basically just gave it away to the first person who had access to the sell. The realtor. He gave away 20 years worth of equity in his house.

Even if he had money, besides what he would’ve made, why on earth would anyone do that?

And especially someone with kids and one of them mentally handicapped and in her 50s that has a very uncertain future

Okay so it was a normal Saturday morning today and I was talking to my parents when my mom just flipped and I said “I am so fucking angry with all of you” and an hour ago she said she was going to her parents and then she called my dad a maggot and she left what do I do or say

Honestly help me

Im 18 male (about to turn 19 in a week) I have a sister (18F) and at dinner tonight our parents just announced a divorce. I had the initial feelings of anger and sadness and I didn't know what to think. So far ive had a conversation with my parents, my sister and one other friend about it to discuss it. Then I got kinda scared cause I heard how divorce affects your future relationships, im already kind of an introverted person and can sometimes have a hard time talking to people. Am I cooked? any advice from more experienced people would be nice.

I have been living with my aunt and uncle ever since my dad kicked out my brother and I left. School and friends have seen an incredible difference with me since then. Now, my parents are getting divorced, and they are trying to do a 50/50 custody of me, because I am still a minor (17) my aunt and uncle think that this would be best for me, because they have 2, soon to be 3, young boys, and I am a teen with autism who struggles with change. I also expressed that I needed more attention, particularly, I just wanted to feel like I was one of the kids. My parents have stated that they have changed, but a part of me doesn't believe them. My aunt and uncle believe them, because they now both accept my gender identity. I just want to stay with my aunt and uncle.

He has an avoidant attachment style (part of why we’re broken up currently but we’re still best friends and in this weird limbo of each of us being in therapy to see if we can work on our issues and have a relationship someday in the future), and when he’s going through something he doesn’t want to talk about it.

He’s very close with his parents, especially his mom, and is obviously devastated by what she’s going through.

I don’t want to overwhelm him or anything since I know he’s avoidant and add more stress onto him, so how can I best support him? What’s appropriate to say in a situation like this? All I could say was I’m sorry. But I feel helpless and like I need to do more for him, but again, don’t know if there’s anything I can do or say that would even be helpful.

Do I just completely give him space? I don’t want him to think I don’t care. Are short brief messages occasionally to let him know I’m here for him appropriate?

For anyone whose parents have gotten divorced, what was it like for you and what did you need or want during that time? Any suggestions are appreciated.

my dad is kinda pushing me to have a ceremony even though me and my husband kept it low-key and got married in a city hall with just two of us. And it seems like my dad doesnt expect my birth mom (not sure why he would think that) to be there but rather his girlfriend which doesnt seem really fair to me

Because if he thought through that my mother will definitely be there with her side of family then I think he wouldn't have tried to convince me to have a ceremony with his side of the family

Also to me having a "small" (about 100 people. To me its way too many tbh but to him its the smallest it could get) ceremony without my birth mom is also weird... and unnecessary to me

Not saying Im gonna do what he wants me to do but Im just not sure how to take this, since my parents only divorced like 10minths ago. It was not nice at all for long years

Advice Request: I need advice on how to handle my dad's pressure and whether it's fair to exclude his girlfriend.

tl;dr: My divorced dad is pushing for a 100-person wedding ceremony with his girlfriend present, but without my birth mom. I don't want his girlfriend there and want to know if it's fair, or if I should do two separate ceremonies.

My dad (46 yo) is upset because me (19F) and my siblings didn’t wish him a happy Father’s day.

My parents got divorced when I was 4 and we live in a country where a man gets everything so my dad got full custody. From the age 4 to 13 I didn’t see my mom, not even once. I grew up having no idea how to deal with my period, how to do makeup and make my hair.

When me and my siblings were kids my dad would beat us up whenever he gets angry over anything and nothing. He once choked me because I was too loud playing with my brother. He once broke a broomstick on my back because I spilled water in the backyard. He slapped because I defended my brother when he was beating him up for something he didn’t do.

My dad doesn’t know when my birthday is, he never wished me a happy birthday, never bought me a gift. Not even once he remembered my brothers’ birthday. Also, he never gave us money growing up, never bought clothes even though my dad makes about 13k$ a month. I got bullied at school because I wore the same clothes and my hair was always messy.

When I turned 16 my dad just left the house and moved out with his new wife, he visits once a week for an hour, sends 65$ and thats it.

Yesterday was father’s day at 11pm he texted me and my siblings saying that he expected that we at least wish him a happy father’s day and maybe send him a gift, and that he was so disappointed that we’re not acknowledging his existence. He said that he has a feeling that the moment me and my siblings get married and start families we will disappear from his life, and that we will forget everything he ever did for us.

I don’t know how to feel about this whole situation but my grandparents are so upset with me and my siblings even though they were there when my dad broke that broomstick on my back.

Okay, so for context, my parents recently got divorced around 10 months ago, and ever since my dad has been really on edge. I recently discovered that any time me or any of my sisters had an argument with him, he began to film with a recording device (he is a cop and used to work undercover so he is good at hiding that kind of stuff) it has gotten to the point where he leaves the recording device on our kitchen counter and leaves it on at all times. I would kinda understand if me an my siblings where a bit older, but they are 10,12, and 14, so there really isn’t any reason he should be recording us. He keeps claiming that the 14 year old sibling, I’m going to call her Emily, is gaslighting him, and keeps saying he’s gonna bring up the video to prove it, and when he does it’s literally just her mixing up her words a little. I feel very violated by finding out he’s been recording me and my sisters without us even knowing at first, and it’s causing me to feel paranoid and like I’m unable to freely talk with any of my sisters. I just feel like I’m going crazy, what should I do? I don’t think any of this is illegal from what I can tell, what do I do?