r/ChildrenofDivorce

Single dad falsely accused by ex/family, exhausted and pushed away by my daughter. Wondering if daughters ever care when dads leave. Doubt it

Parents are getting a divorce and I’m 25 years old. I am close with my family and it’s a divorce where my parents are not on good terms. It seems dumb to be very upset about it considering my age and I don’t know how to move on from it especially with holidays and birthdays.

So I got the news 6 months ago and my dad has just had an offer accepted on the house.. it is only 15 mins away from my mum's. I'm really not sure what to expect. Very worried to be honest . But also kind of happy.. and I can't explain why.

Not really normalization but I guess more underestimating, I’m not exactly sure.

I just hate how divorce gets swept under the rug so easily, like when people go through divorce or separation the ones that get more looked towards are the parents not the children.

I always hate how people say: “oh but you get to have 2 Christmases” or “you get to have 2 birthdays” 2 of everything. People really don’t realize or care what kind of effect a divorce has on kids.

Now I understand that sometimes a divorce is necessary, don’t get me wrong. I just think children should get more support during it.

I’m 19 and I’ve only just realized what kind of effect it had on me growing up.

My mother walked out of my family when i was approximately 3.5 years old. She was apparently married to a whole different guy, from a different religion. My dad was obviously heart broken, and decided to leave that country and come back and settle down in our native place. All my life, i've heard things about my mother's family: her father was a rapist, both her brothers were alcoholics and drug addicts. And these things weren't just from my dad, they were even from my aunts and uncles too.

All these years, I never heard from her, until now. My dad was diagnosed with cancer last June, and by march they had declared it terminal. I am in a different state for my post graduation, and I already feel bad that I am not there to help him. He is in a pretty bad condition right now, barely able to stand and clean himself.

After all these years, my mom decides to get in touch with me. I'm not sure about how she got my number, but her mother first called me up to ask about me and my dad. I obviously blocked the number, so she got her friend to send a message. It read: your mom just wants to know how you are doing, she is your mother, she deserves another chance, please do consider. I replied with: I am not interested in getting in touch with her, please ask her to stay away from me, else i will have to file a case.

Today, my mom sent me a long message, saying how I am arrogant, just like my father, and that I am a miserable little creature that she was genuinely worried about and that I had responded in an arrogant way. "I can see your miserable end by the way you are behaving", "your father and his sick, miserable family", "you too have learnt to be rude and arrogant like your father", "i hope your father's family doesn't cheat you or make you live on the road after his miserable death". These are some of the hurtful things she said to me in the message.

I am heart broken right now, this is the first time I am having a conversation with my mother, and these are the words she tells me. Even her "God bless you and your family" sounds really sarcastic at this moment. All these years I felt very indifferent towards her, I never wished her bad luck towards whatever it was that she was doing, but to hear all these words has left me so hurt. I can't even talk about this to anyone, I can't even tell my dad because he is literally on his death bed right now.

My 18 year old daughter is hardly see anymore and always hard to get together. Is anyone else experiencing the same?

I’ve recently separated from my husband and we have a 2 year old daughter. I feel incredibly heartbroken about the state of things. I want to get the perspective of adults who grew up in this sort of environment especially before you were old enough to really remember your parents together, the fights or the tension leading up to the divorce. If separation was simply the “normal” structure you grew up with, what was that experience like for you?

Were there things that affected you emotionally, or in how you saw yourself? Were there things your parents did that helped you feel secure and loved, or things you wish they had done differently?

I’m genuinely concerned about my child’s emotional and mental wellbeing, and I want to do everything I can to make life feel as stable for her as possible.

I am going through a divorce and I met someone who’s in their 20s now and their parents divorced when they were 12. This is close in age to my kids.

They said when their parents divorced all they wanted was someone to talk to them about it but that conversation never happened.

I’m being told by lawyers and therapists not to tell the kids what’s going on, but based on the story I heard, it’s making me challenge the current line of thinking that kids don’t need to know.

I don’t think 12 year olds are fragile and I think they just want to know. Should I tell them a little bit without trashing the other parent what’s going on and answer their questions?

this is kinda just a rant and some advice needed because i dont know how to cope (basically a long story short because this has been many years coming)

My dad has a history of mental health issues and over the past 6-8 months hes been leaing himself off his meds against my moms advice. They're constantly arguing and my mom has had enough of it so they're splitting. the root grows deeper than this because she's been unhappy for the past 2-3yrs and my dad's mental health has been getting worse in the past four.

my mom is planning on moving me and my brother back to the usa and my dad would be going to a different state than us so. (not really looking for a lot of comments on this because ive want to go back because of a lot of reasons). she would be getting full custody and decision rights over us so thats fine as well.

im sad and not sad at the same time. mostly because my birthday is in like less than two weeks (thing im sad for because this is most likely the last one that they'll be "together for"), but also because my moms been unhappy for years now and i can see it on her face.

sorry that this is brief im just trying to clear my head and process everything

i kinda just want someone to ask for more details thats not just my boyfriend or the few friends that i have so im confiding in internet strangers.

First time poster here…

So…I (26F) found out yesterday that my parents (51) are getting divorced and I’m getting married in 6 months.

My mom filed on Thursday after finding out my dad cheated….again (first happened 5 years ago when dad was going through shi mentally, I saw it coming from a mile away) but this time it completely came out of left field. They had just retired, moved back to the U.S., bought a beautiful forever home, and honestly…it felt like they were falling in love again. We had finally gotten our family back. The four of us were talking again, having dinners together, laughing like we used to.

Now I feel like the ground disappeared beneath me.

I don’t know how to process the wedding side of this. How do I ask a man I’ve dreamed about since I was little to walk me down the aisle when he’s now broken the vows of his own marriage? I’ve had my daddy-daughter dance song picked out since I was 9 years old: “Butterfly Fly Away” by Miley Cyrus. I always imagined ending the dance with my mom, dad, and brother joining us on the dance floor. I was planning on doing a king’s table with both sets of parents sitting beside us instead of a sweetheart table. Now I’m wondering if my parents will even be able to sit at the same table….damn.

What makes this harder is that my dad has genuinely always been a good father. He’s supportive, intelligent, dependable, and has always shown up for us. My mom is truly an angel on earth. She’s devastated and furious, and her family is too. It breaks my heart hearing everyone speak about him with so much anger while I also see him sobbing and falling apart over what he’s done.

My brother is currently deployed in a war zone and won’t even be home until a month before my wedding. We haven’t told him yet, likely won’t until he gets back….hes going to be furious.

Selfishly…I’m heartbroken for myself too. I feel guilty even saying that because obviously my mom is the one going through the real betrayal here, but I feel like I’m grieving my family and the version of my wedding I’ve imagined my entire life. I’m struggling.

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about eight years. The first five years were long distance, and since then we’ve lived together on and off for many reasons - mostly because I’ve started grad school and travel for clinical rotations.

To be totally honest, in the beginning there was no huge spark or chemistry. Just two people who were consistent and showed up for each other. But from the beginning I wondered if this was the right relationship for me. However, he is a good partner- consistent, thoughtful, kind, down to earth. We’ve worked hard to strengthen our bond over the years. there are some flaws of course- defensive, can be immature, and lacks some emotional and cognitive intelligence. But we still have a good time together. However it’s 8 years later and I’m still questioning things, which scares me because I want children and would like to start trying asap.

If I’m being totally honest with myself I probably should left in the beginning when there was no real spark but I didnt and of course now things are complicated. He has a ten year old daughter. For all intents and purposes I am her mother. Her birth mother lives in another state and has had problems with drugs and the law. She pops in and out of her life. But for the last 5 years I have been the one who has been around acting as her mom.

I feel incredibly stuck. This little girl has already lost one mom. Shes incredibly resilient and doing well but I am terrified that if I would leave she would spiral. She’s just hitting that age where moms are super important- she asks me about puberty and friendships and she’s very emotionally needy. If I leave, all of that is stripped from her. In order to make a clean break from my bf I feel like I would need to distance myself from her too. I just don’t see how that’s possible. I need advice. Do I stay and make things work with him, potentially sacrificing finding a relationship better suited for me? Or do I leave and risk traumatizing this child?

my (18f) parents have somewhat separated back in January of this year. they haven’t signed any papers to my knowledge so they're still legally married. my mom has leased a place until June and they keep treating this all like they’re going to get back together when the lease is up, but I know they’ve been separating things like they’re bank accounts. I know I’m lucky in the sense that they’re peaceful with each other and never talk negatively about each other to me or my brother (15m), and they were never out right abusive or aggressive with eachother or my brother and I, but it all really sucks. I hate working out who‘s place we’re going to for dinner. I hate tip toeing around the question of do I need to have 2 birthday dinners to make you guys happy. and I hate the gut feeling of my mom not moving back in after June. I’m set to move away for uni this September and I hate that I’ll have 2 homes to go back too on the holidays. I just wish my mom never moved out. I’ve seen the signs since I was around 9 but always just assumed they would wait til both my brother and I moved out to work things out. it feels selfish but I wish that my mom had just waited instead of this happening my senior year of high school. sorry for the ramble I just had to get this off my chest