My parents are getting a divorce, but not for the reason I thought. What should I do?
So I really REALLY need some advice on this because I just don't know what to do.
I'm 15F and my parents are getting a divorce. but not for the reason I thought. When my mother first told me about the divorce she talked about how my father "has changed" and immediately started looking for places to move out. She was extremely eager to divorce my father and was rude to him all the time, but she recently slowed down. At first I thought my dad was an ass hole and he was the reason for the divorce and my life is getting messed up.
For some context that will be important! On my dads birthday a while ago my family all went out for a day of fun together, my dad was extremely excited to go the day before but on his birthday he was acting different. He was colder and didn't even want to go out anymore, which is really weird for him. We ended up going out anyway and first went to the dentist in the morning for an appointment and looked at college campuses for my brother. By the time we were finished it was the afternoon and my brother and I haven't eaten all day. We ended up going to a Texas Roadhouse where it would be an hour wait to get a table, at this point I was really hungry and started to whine a bit about how I didn't want to wait an hour and I was extremely hungry. Out of nowhere my dad started yelling at me in front of everyone, the workers, other familys and my own family. He was yelling shit like "don't fucking talk to me like that" and "your being a real spoiled brat right now, stop bitching and shut the fuck up". This is EXTREMELY out of character for him and he's only ever yelled at me before over math homework when I was in elementary school, NEVER in public. I obviously shut up after that and my mother got really mad and took us away to near by stores where my brother and I got boba and waited for our reservation. We eventually went into the Texas Roadhouse and ate like nothing happened, before going home. Once at home I went to my room to do whatever while my parents argued. My parents used to never argue, I only remember 2 other times in my whole life they argued like that.
But surprisingly this isn't the reason my mother wanted a divorce. For the next couple of days my dad looked and acted depressed. He kept saying stuff like "your mother broke my heart" while my mom continued life as normal. It wasn't around a month later when she told me about the divorce. I hated this and still do, ever since I was a baby we were the "perfect family" two loving parents, with stable jobs, and a nice neighborhood. Our friends, neighborhoods, parents coworkers would always praise us as such a perfect family. I thought we would be different from them, in a way I was proud of. My extended family on both sides always either ended up divorced, cheaters, drug addicts, or some other shit that younger me couldn't understand. Of course the family that wasn't like that we stayed close with, but I truly never thought my parents would get a divorce.
About a year ago I caught my father vaping. He quickly tried to hide it and I just pretend I didn't see anything. I later told my brother who told our mother. From what my brother said he had started smoking around when I was born and only recently switched to vaping. I couldn't understand how he could do that, the man who told me the kids at my school who vape are "losers with no life" has a vaping addiction. I obviously was pissed and I still haven't confronted him yet but at the time it just made me hate him a little bit more.
About a month ago my brother and I were having one of those late night talks in the kitchen about our parents getting a divorce, we though everyone was asleep but my dad came into the kitchen to get some water. We were sighlent for a bit before my brother left and my dad asked me what I knew about the divorce. I was honest with him and told him everything mom told me. He got really quiet and didn't say anything. I suspected something was wrong with him for a while now obviously, and I truly don't know why I said what I said. There were no hints and no reason for me to think or suspect this, but I asked "did mom cheat" my dad just looked down and I took that as a yes. We later went to his room (separate from my mother's) and he told be everything.
This one night is the single thing that changed my whole perspective. On my dads birthday my mom told him she has an STD, and my dad doesn't have an STD. She tried to blame it on it being dorment, but what are the chances that an STD would be dorment for over 22 years and not show up on past tests. And if she didn't cheat wouldn't her first reaction be to think it was my dad who cheated. My father of course was heartbroken that his wife obviously cheated, and my mother kept denying it and making up excuses. So my dad offered her to take a lie detector test in order prove she was telling the truth. This is why my mother wanted a divorce. She said that if dad doesn't trust her they should just split up. Like what?! If you were mad about your spouse accusing you of cheating wouldn't you try to prove them wrong, not be like "oh you don't trust me DIVORCE" if she had nothing to hide taking the lie detector test wouldn't be such a big deal. Why would you so easily be able to throw away a relationship of 25 years, with the person you swore to, the person you have kids with, the person you bought a house with. The person you share a Netflix account with?!
And before you think "oh he's probably lying" he has proof! Not only the STD but he overheard her talking to her friends about a karaoke night, a night she said was a girls night. So why did he hear her say "Tay (fake name) was so fun, he's my cuddle buddy" as her and her friends giggled like teenagers, which like girl I'm the 15 year old not the 50 year old. And the second my dad stepped into the room they all went completely quiet, but my dad already heard everything. He asked to go through her phone but she changed her password, when she finally did there were suspicious gaps in texts with friends she frequently chats with. When my dad asked "who's Tay" she immediately tensed up and looked hella suspicious saying she doesn't know a Tay before getting mad at him for snooping.
Now because my mom wants a divorce, a few this will effect us financially. My mother told me she wanted to keep the house so my brother and I could continue living in it but my that dad told her she can't have it because it's been in his side for 4 generations and how she doesn't deserve it. Which I later found out was false, She wants 50 50 on the house which will still not give her enough money to keep the house on her own and leave my dad also not being able to keep it. And I know it's silly but this house is special to me, when we first moved in when I was 8 it was the first time I could really make a space my own because we uses to live in a rental. It was the house my dad's father figured passed in when he was living with us. It was the house I met my best friend in and found out we were neighbors. I just don't want to give it up.
After my father and I finished talking he apologized for crashing out at me on his birthday, and said he doesn't expect me to forgive him for doing something so horrible and how he never should have yelled and cursed at me, but he did just find out his wife was cheating on him on his BIRTHDAY so I understand how much emotion he was representing at that moment and it just kinda blew up on me. It still doesn't make it right and I don't think I can forgive him yet, but I'm glad he took accountability for his actions and talked to me. He also said he knows I don't want them to get divorced and he's willing to forgive my mother.
Back to today my mom is currently on a work trip. And I may or may not have done a bit of snooping and found out there is a Tay on that SAME work trip, which coincidence? I THINK NOT. I did some more snooping and found out he has a wife and kid, but nothing else personal publicly. Now this could be a random guy who just so happens to also be named Tay and has nothing to do with all of this. But I'm not talking any chances.
So I guess we did turn out just like my extended family, parents are divorcing, mom cucked my dad and dads addicted to vaping...
the advice I want to know is should I confront my mother I know she is the reason for the divorce? I do still love my mom to death but it's just been eating away at me and I'm so tired of acting like she did nothing wrong. And a small part of me hopes that if she knows I know what she did, and how I feel she's ruining my life, she might apologize and realize her mistake. So then everything can get back to normal, I can keep living in my house, and my parents will go back to loving each other, and I can live my "perfect life".
Also sorry it's so long and if there's any typos I wrote this on my phone so sorry... T_T