They Don’t Change
I feel so god damn stupid. It’s been 8 months since I left and I’ve been getting back to me. I’m going to therapy, smashing my job and genuinely enjoying being on my own.
Then a month ago I get a message from him taking full accountability for everything that happened. Something which never happened before. The tone of the message was different. We had 2 dogs together and he kept one and I kept the other. He asked if he could see my dog as he didn’t get to say goodbye. I thought it’s been long enough, I’m strong what’s the harm? When I met him he seemed different. He was calm, felt genuinely at peace with himself and like he had worked on himself. He messaged about a week later asking if I wanted to see the dog he kept. Of course I said yes as I miss that dog so god damn much. Again he seemed different.
2 weeks past and he asked if we could meet to talk as he thought it would be helpful for him and I thought it may be “healing” for me. He admitted to the abuse - first time that happened - and we actually had a good conversation. He said how much he missed me and how he’s made “changes” to be a better person and he wanted a chance to show me those changes. Over the course of us spending time together I could feel myself soften. He reminded me of the person I fell in love with. I also have a bit of a potential cancer scare going on at the moment and it felt good to speak to someone about it honestly.
At the end of the night he was begging me not to leave etc and asked me to stay. I said no and he pulled his phone out of his pocket and his lock screen was him and another girl. I feel so fucking stupid to let him back in my life and I’m so hurt that I started to think that he had changed and maybe we could be happy.
I thought I was doing fine but this has really thrown me. I’m honestly fed up and don’t know what to do. It’s so draining and I’m just so annoyed at myself for letting him back in my life.