u/EntrepreneurBrief399

I had an informal trial in mid January and the judge said she was taking it under advisement and would issue a written ruling. We had a review hearing in mid February already scheduled (for a previous contempt ruling against my child's father.) The judge asked if we would still need that review hearing and I said yes (because there were several things he hadn't done to clear the contempt.) The judge said she would issue our custody written order by that hearing date. But then the day before the hearing, she cancelled it and said she'd issue our custody written order the following week.

Now not only am I still waiting for a custody ruling, but I also now have to re-file AGAIN to get a hearing about contempt matters. Child's father has not reimbursed me about $3k. I want to do this pro se because it's not complicated, but I didn't want to sub my attorney out until this custody order is done. Now we're entering month 5 of no order. My attorney asks the judicial assistant about once a month (we just asked last week) and they respond with the same thing: "Judge is writing the order now." Same response we've had since mid-February.

I had to schedule summer camps, travel and extracurriculars because I couldn't wait any longer. I had to secure a spot for one of the extracurriculars that starts in August. Now I am concerned that I will receive a custody order that conflicts with everything I've had to sign up for and pay for, for the next few months. I know my ex will be difficult if there are conflicts and I'll have to pay even more $$$ to have our judge solve it.

Is any of this normal? I'm frustrated. It's bad enough this bullshit trial was even allowed to begin with (since child's father only exercises half of the time he currently has.)

I've been in a custody battle for nearly 8 years now. I've only had permanent orders for 6 months of that. Ex gets fired/moves cities/states on average once every 1.5 years. Every time he moves, he requests more parenting time under "change in circumstances." then the court allows modification and we get temporary orders. Then he moves again. In all 8 years, he has only exercised 50-65% of the time he has on paper. and every single time we go to court to modify - the judge gives him more parenting time on top of the time he hasnt been exercising. He is still, in 2026, not even exercising the amount given to him in 2019 - let alone all of the additional weeks granted over the last 7 years. At least 1-2x a year he goes over 2 months without seeing or speaking to our child. He doesn't agree to any extracurriculars and refuses to be involved with our child's school. Judges say things like "lets give him rope and see what he does with it" and then when he doesnt exercise the time, they scold him - then reward him with more parenting time.

I've been told to document all of the cancellations and missed visits. But now I'm starting to wonder if judges are just saying these things ("giving him rope", scrutinizing his behavior, telling me to continue documenting) just so they appear neutral, not because any of it is even relevant to them. My experience thus far is that regardless of ex's behavior, they only want to create parenting plans that protect father's right to not show up, especially considering how long we've been doing this. Every time we go to court, I ask that we create a parenting plan that reflects the time he has been exercising for the past several years but for some reason, that doesn't seem logical to them.

In your experience, is this just how family court is?

I had a custody trial in mid January (my ex moved closer and requested more parenting time despite only exercising about 50% of their current time - this continued the past 9 months of living closer. I requested to decrease their parenting time to make our plan align with reality. Also other than a 6 month period several years ago, I've been in temporary orders for SEVEN years .)

We are still waiting on that custody order from January. In between February and May, my ex missed all of their February parenting time and all of their May parenting time. In February they gave me 2 days notice. In May they gave no notice, just never showed up and never heard from them. I didn't reach out to inquire because my child is happy when they cancel/no-show.

I wanted to submit this as supplemental evidence to the judge since I dont have a final order yet but my attorney says that isn't possible. This has happened several times though - while waiting 4-5 months for orders, more relevant stuff happens, but I can never submit it to the court. By the time I am allowed to "use it in court" it is a few years later and the judge says it is too long ago to be relevant.

Am I missing something? I am told to document missed visits/months, but both attorney and judge say I can't use them.