Need advice
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. He owns his own business, and I’m busy as well because my job can sometimes require 12-hour days. He usually works 12–15 hours a day, so I understand that both of us have demanding schedules. We also have an 11-year age gap, which I never really thought much about before.
Recently, one of my friends got into a new relationship, and I spent time with her and her boyfriend. Watching the way they interacted made me start reflecting on my own relationship in a way I hadn’t before. It wasn’t even about expensive gifts or anything material, it was more about the effort, excitement, and intentionality between them. Her boyfriend remembered little things, planned things for her, and seemed genuinely excited to celebrate milestones with her.
After that, I started realizing there are certain things missing in my own relationship. My boyfriend and I only see each other about once a week because of our schedules. When we do spend time together, it’s comfortable and we definitely have chemistry, but there isn’t much planning or thought put into dates or special moments. He’s forgotten our anniversary date the last two years, and we don’t really celebrate milestones together. Sometimes it feels like we’re just fitting each other into our schedules instead of actively building a relationship.
What confuses me is that he’s not a bad boyfriend in the traditional sense. He works extremely hard, he’s loyal, and I know he cares about me. But lately I’ve started questioning whether care without effort is enough for me long term. I don’t know if I’m expecting too much, if social media and comparison are getting into my head, or if I’m finally acknowledging needs that I’ve ignored for a long time.
I think what hurts most is realizing that I want to feel chosen, prioritized, and celebrated sometimes too. Not through grand gestures, but through small intentional things remembering important dates, planning something once in a while, or making me feel like our relationship is still exciting and meaningful.
Now I’m struggling to figure out whether this is just what happens in long-term adult relationships when life gets busy, or whether I’m settling for less than what I truly want and deserve emotionally.