AITA for being upset that my husband went to his ex's house and didn't tell me
I (33F) am married to my husband (35M). He has a teenage daughter from a previous relationship. Her mother has primary custody, we usually see her two days a week after school.
Important background: there has been some broken trust in our relationship(pre-marriage) related to my husband and his ex. In the past, he has not always been fully truthful with me about aspects of their relationship/interactions, so rebuilding trust has been an ongoing issue for us. That history is why this situation hit me the way it did.
Last week, I was working from home while my husband went to pick up my stepdaughter from school. The plan was for him to pick her up, come back home for me, and then all of us would go to his parents' house for dinner together.
After picking her up, my stepdaughter's mother apparently told her that she needed to go home first to clean her room before continuing her visit with us that evening.
Instead of telling me there had been a change of plans, my husband drove to his ex's house and waited there while my stepdaughter cleaned her room. According to him he was only there about 5 minutes.
The issue for me is not really the daughter cleaning her room. I understand parenting situations come up. The issue is that he never called or texted me to tell me he was going there, I only found out because I started wondering why it was taking so long for them to come back and checked his location.
What also bothered me is that her house is not on the way back to ours- it's actually more on the way to my in-law's house- so if I hadn't checked, I genuinely don't think he would have told me at all.
Because of the prior trust issues, it felt sneaky and dishonest by omission to me. It made me feel disrespected and triggered a lot of insecurity which we have supposedly been working through.
My husband thinks i'm overreacting and says I'm basically angry that he "took his daughter home to clean her room". He says this is a ridiculous thing to fight about and is standing very firm on that.
From my perspective, if your spouse already has trust issues surrounding a specific person, and you unexpectedly go to their house without mentioning it, that's obviously going to feel uncomfortable.
AITA for being upset about this?