I need to get this off my chest. I’m Marehan from my dad’s side and Habargidir (Hawiye) from my mom’s side. A few months ago I met an amazing girl from Somaliland. She was smart, respectful, beautiful, and we connected on a deep level. Things got serious we were basically at the last stage before marriage talks.
Then I visited her family’s house.
The moment they asked my qabiil and I said Marehan, the vibe completely flipped. They started glazing and openly badmouthing “those southern Somalis.” They were cursing Hawiye people heavy, generalizing everyone from the south like we’re all the same. I stayed quiet at first because they didn’t know my mom is Habargidir. But it was getting ridiculous.
I finally asked her mother directly: “Why the strong hate for Hawiye? Siyad Barre wasn’t even Hawiye. You don’t border them or the Rahanweyn. What’s really behind all this?”
Instead of a real answer, it was just nonstop clan talk, victim mentality, and superiority complex. The whole house was loud, everyone disrespecting other clans like it was casual conversation. No filter, no manners.
I couldn’t hold back. I told them straight: If anyone is making themselves unworthy of marriage, it’s this kind of attitude. We’re all Somalis Somalilanders are not a different people, you’re our brothers and sisters from the north. But this constant qabiil obsession, the shouting culture, the automatic hate switch the second you hear someone’s clan… it’s toxic and embarrassing.
I had to let the girl go. It hurt because she personally wasn’t as extreme as her family, but I can’t bring kids into that environment. I refuse to marry into a home where clan hate is normal dinner talk and my own mother’s people (Hawiye) get disrespected openly.
This experience just proved to me again how clanism is destroying us. Whether you’re from Hargeisa, Mogadishu, Kismayo or Garowe we are one people. The same blood, same language, same religion, same history. But some of us still act like 13th century nomads fighting over lineages while the rest of the world laughs at us.
How are we supposed to build a strong Somalia (or whatever future we want) when families are still doing this in 2026?
Has anyone else here (especially in north-south relationships) dealt with this? How do you move past it or do you just walk away like I did?