u/EnvironmentalWill363

To you, my sweet angel.

Two and a half years have I been by your side, breastfed you whenever you felt the need to be close to me or wanted to eat. If you could have, I think you would have stayed latched 24/7. I never refused your wishes, you were a cuddly baby from day one, always wanted to be with mommy.

So there I was. Feeding you for food, feeding you for every nap, feeding you to sleep at night, staying right by your side all the time because otherwise you would wake.

For almost 20 months you were actively drinking milk, until I had to leave for the hospital for a few days for a procedure, and suddenly you were without. I was super scared, and as were you. Your grandfather took care of you and you two managed to make sleep work without the boob. When I came back, all was back to normal, and you were happy to have me back.

From then on you mainly started using me as a pacifier — not that I minded. I loved having you close, loved knowing that being there, nursing, cuddling, felt like the safest place on Earth to you. I loved the feeling of you trusting me so completely, to love me so deeply to always fall asleep at the breast, in my arms. It started to become painful the longer you nursed, but I pushed through, because I knew you needed it.

About a month ago you started moving away on your own, more or less. Over time, it began hurting more and more, so I started to tell you it's enough as soon as it got painful. Surprisingly, you didn't complain. You would have definitely screamed at me back then, for taking your boob away. But not now. You simply rolled around and fell asleep. Just like that. It became more and more.

Two weeks ago I had to start going to work again, with your grandfather watching you. I was extremely worried about naptime, because I knew you could not fall asleep without nursing, without me by your side. To my surprise.... you did. You didn't complain much. Just on the first day. After that? You lie down with gramps, and you sleep. It was a relief. But it was also a sign to me: You're growing, you don't need it anymore.

So I started telling you that I have ouchies, that you can't do it anymore. You cried. Not much, but you cried. Of course you would. It was your safest space, something that has always helped you fall asleep. But, sorry baby, it really hurts by now. You're not a newborn anymore that I can nurse hours on end, it hurt as soon as you started nursing. We moved to the pillow instead and cuddled lots. I still held you in my arms, you wanted your face pressed to mine. And that's how you fell asleep.

It's been five nights now that you've managed to fall asleep on your own like this, without having to use my breast as a pacifier. You still cry every evening that you want to, but I'm sure that'll pass with time.

I'm so incredibly proud of you for growing, but at the same time, it makes me so very sad. I loved nursing you. I loved being your safe space and I loved getting to hold you so much. But you're growing up, and that's something I'll have to live with.

Times pass, new times arrive.

I shed tears for the end of this beautiful journey, and I'm glad I got to do this with you.

I love you, my sweet little angel.

Der x-te Post über Ärzte in Deutschland. Mir egal, muss raus.

Ich leide an Schmerzen. Gehe zum Orthopäden, um mir Hilfe zu holen. Er gibt mir einige Hilfsmittel mit, mit denen ich es erst einmal versuchen soll und solle doch in zwei Monaten wieder kommen.

Der Termin naht heran und ich sage ihm ins Gesicht "Es tut immer noch weh, es hilft nicht." Seine Antwort? Ich mache es falsch und es ist meine eigene Schuld wenn es dann nicht besser wird.

Junge. Ich hab alles genau so gemacht wie du von mir willst, und jetzt bin ich die Blöde??? Ist klar, verarschen kann ich mich allein.

Im Grunde genommen sitze ich jetzt hier einfach mit Schmerzen und muss mit denen wohl oder übel einfach leben, weil Ärzte wollen heutzutage ja echt nicht mehr helfen.

... something definitely has to change.

I'm a single mother to a 2;6 years old, and for the past few nights getting her to bed has been the absolute worst.

She still takes her midday nap. I have to put her down at 12, because she usually takes 15-20 minutes to even fall asleep. When she does sleep, it's anywhere between 45 minutes to 1,5 hours. She generally wakes around 60 to 70 minutes after though.

But at nighttime, she takes forever to fall asleep at the moment. She's always in bed by 8, and normally fell asleep by 8:30, but now she legit won't fall asleep before 9.

I tried to cap her nap at exactly one hour today, to see if the shorter nap might help her, but nope, it's now 9:13PM and has only now drifted off.

She can't handle dropping a nap just yet, she gets super scream-y from overtiredness by like 4 or 5pm, but I can't keep going the way it is right now either.

Something needs to change. I just don't know what.​​