u/Environmental_Cut221

When I was younger I found out drugs and alcohol were an amazing tool to cope with all the difficulties I had. Now that I’m older and recently diagnosed AuDHD I don’t like using them to cope with social situations anymore. I realized It was just making it easier to mask, and now I prefer being authentic instead. Drugs and alcohol are just not very enjoyable anymore.

However, I can’t stop using them to cope with work. I’m taking more vyvanse than anyone gets prescribed to get through the work day and sometimes combine that with drinking. I think I’m using it to cope with autistic burnout, which is a new concept to me. But basically I just really don’t want to keep working and I’m self medicating so that I feel calm enough to continue working. On the weekends I spend most of my time in bed watching YouTube videos and can’t work up any motivation to finish unpacking after a recent move. My executive function is so bad I can barely clean up after myself.

I’ve been to a few AA meetings but Idk if it’s a safe space for autistics or if anyone would relate to my experience. But I need to do something and I think it’s going to involve allowing myself to work less hours.

What do y’all think? Any similar experiences?

As a mostly straight man 28 years old and I struggle with dating. I’m not unattractive but I also never figured out how to mask correctly around women. In the past I would try to approach them and flirt with them. Mostly they would just think I’m gay. I got this so often I seriously thought I was closeted gay for a couple years and did a lot of experimenting. In the end I decided I’m maybe 10% bisexual. It’s such a small percentage that the label bisexual doesn’t even feel accurate.

After I became comfortable with this I started working on what I can do to be attractive towards women. At that point my therapist realized I was autistic and I left him because I wanted my therapist to also be autistic, but I still never figured out what I’m supposed to do about women. I get called things like “too gay” or “like napoleon dynamite” or “not confident enough”. I’ve heard these things both on one night stands and also after months, years of relationships with many different people.

I think some parts of this will actually improve now that I understand my autism a lot better. In the past I always felt like I had all these different voices and didn’t know which one of them was mine, but after my diagnosis I’ve been able to identify which one is mine. For the first time in my life I understand when I’m acting authentically and when I’m masking. I think awareness of that alone is going to help a lot.

But I’m also unsure. I think one part of it is that women want the man to lead and take charge of every situation, but sometimes I don’t want to do that. It’s exhausting. Do you think there are women out there who don’t mind if I’m not taking charge all the time? Or how someone would respond to being asked something like that on a first date? Or if you’ve ever been in a similar situation and have any advice at all? Thanks for reading x