I have a baby shower for my and my husband’s first child coming this summer. We are holding the baby shower at my in laws neighborhood clubhouse. To be clear- we paid for the venue. When we booked it, my MIL made the assumption she was planning the shower and told me the friends she was going to have help her host (she did not mention my mom or sisters). I quickly corrected her and stated while she would be a host of the shower, as would my mom, my best friend would be leading the planning.
My bf added the sisters and moms to a group chat and got to planning. From the very beginning my MIL would text my friend separately to tell her: “if the shower is at noon we will need to supply more food” or “don’t count children coming as a whole person to the catering- they won’t eat as much”. Things that are very obvious especially to my friend who is in her 30s and has planned so many events.
Further, my MIL has suggested outrageous costing vendors- ie $1.5k catering quote for 30 people and turned her nose up at my cost friendly options. My sisters are in their 20s and cannot afford what she’s suggesting.
I had asked for my MIL guest list months ago- she is currently inviting 25% of the total guest list. But she texted my friend and said, “don’t send out the guest list until I have approved everyone- I may add more people”. I texted her to let her know I would prefer she run it by me first given that I would like to know the majority of people there. But I didn’t appreciate she implied she should be the one to “approve” the guest list.
She has stated things such as, “ do we even need games?” Or “no one eats sweets at baby showers” when my mom or sisters have been put in charge of games and baked goods.
Finally, she had already added two of my husbands aunts as hosts (keep in mind we already had 5 hosts for a 35 person shower). I thought that was fine since I know them well. But the day the shower invites went out- she had added her two best friends as hosts one of whom I have never met or spoken to (ie the two friends she told me would help her hosts way back when and I corrected her).
I am upset because I would’ve preferred if we were adding hosts to add my aunts or my sister in law (aka her daughter).
I know she’s just excited and I don’t want to take away this experience for her. But I feel like she is treating this like it’s her party and I feel unheard. Further, my husband tried to talk to her and she started crying and stating “she’ll just be a guest at the shower”.
AITAH?