I’m writing here because I feel completely broken and I don’t know if anyone else has ever felt this torn.
I recently ended a 3.5-year relationship with the man I truly believed was the love of my life. What makes this so painful is that the sober version of him is everything I ever wanted in a partner — loving, warm, funny, caring, affectionate, someone I could genuinely picture building a life with.
But alcohol has been a dark cloud over our relationship for so long. There were promises, relapses, lies, secret drinking, weekends ruined, moments of fear, disappointment, and so many times where I forgave because I loved him deeply and kept believing he could become the man I knew he was underneath all of it.
Now that I finally walked away, he is seeking help, trying to become sober, and telling me that he wants us to continue with the future we planned together — our home, our life, our dreams. He believes we can come out stronger if I keep believing in him and take that leap with him.
The hardest part is: a part of me wants that more than anything.
But another part of me knows he has only just begun recovery. Nothing has been proven yet. Trust has been broken too many times, and right now I cannot safely step back into that future, no matter how much I love him.
I still hope with all my heart that he gets better. I still hope he becomes the version of himself I know he can be. And deep down, I still wonder if maybe — one day, after real healing and long-term sobriety — something healthy could still grow between us.
But right now, I can’t see that future clearly. All I feel is grief, love, heartbreak, and the fear of hoping again.
Has anyone here loved someone deeply, still believed in who they could become, but known you could not continue in the present reality? How did you cope with loving them, while also choosing yourself?