AIO to my family having very different preferences to mine for how to celebrate special occasions?
I have a chronic health condition that severely limits my energy. Because of this, I can't work and live with adult family members (I'm 30s F).
My question isn't so much whether I'm overreacting (though I'll accept that feedback), but for advice about how to handle the situation. Basically, my family's default way of celebrating special occasions is to eat out, usually at the same two chain restaurants that one (autistic adult) family member will tolerate. I don't usually like eating out, because I like being able to control my food and because with my health condition it's honestly less draining for me to prepare food at home than to go out. (I've tried suggested getting takeout before. That sometimes flies, and sometimes not.) Additionally, I don't enjoy going to the same restaurants that many times. I would prefer to enjoy my city's vibrant, diverse local food scene, but have long since accepted that advocating to try new restaurants usually isn't a battle worth fighting.
What I am struggling with is that I would rather incorporate other experiences on special occasions than go to restaurants every time. Nothing too complicated or expensive, just enriching things like going to parks, gardens, museums, bookstores, etc. We have plenty of options locally that are easy to get to, so accessibility isn't an issue. But it's impossible to get my family on board with doing these things, or to get them to see these activities as on par with going out to eat to celebrate something. On the few occasions that they've agreed to do something like this, one or more has backed out at the last minute and only one other family member has come with me, which I have reacted to negatively, because of the frustration of (finally) having something I actually enjoy agreed to and thinking it would happen as a family activity, only to be disappointed. I feel like a jerk for reacting that way, especially on special occasions, but it's hard not having an appropriate time or place to express those frustrations. It doesn't help that because of my health problems, I can't just go do those things on my own-- doing anything means convincing someone that it's worth their time to take me, whether that person is a family member or friend.
Here's my question: Because these issues mainly come up on special occasions, I don't feel like I can really deal with them directly, because that would risk causing conflict on the occasions and make them a bad experience for everyone (as opposed to just for me). So I'm wondering if there are proactive things I can do to address these issues and frustrations? Should I just not make suggestions at all because it might cause conflict? Or have a plan for what to do if there's a last-minute disappointment? Any advice or perspective is welcome, just please be kind!
One step I've already taken is kind of "quiet quitting" going to the restaurants I don't like. It's not a hard no, but I've just chosen that if there's anything else that I feel is a better use of my energy (and especially if I'm not consulted on whether a certain day/time works for me), I'll tell them I'm not up to going and stay home. I didn't tell them I was doing this and one family member is starting to get frustrated with me not being there, but I thought making the decision quietly would cause less conflict than bringing it up openly, and I honestly needed some change so that I wasn't just chronically frustrated.
Thanks in advance!