Against all odds, a fly landed in each of their beers at the same time.
Disgusted, the Englishman pushed his beer away and ordered another.
The Irishman fished the fly out of his beer and continued drinking it.
The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer and starts shaking it over the glass yelling, "SPIT IT OUT YA BASTARD!"
So sad. He killed it putting batteries up its ass.
"Honey.", she says. "This jigsaw puzzle of a tiger is really hard. Can you come help me?"
"Sure.", he replied. "I'll be right over."
He gets over there and sees her sitting at the table dejectedly. He gently takes her hand, looks her in the eye and says, "Baby, that's not a jigsaw puzzle of a tiger. That's a box of Frosted Flakes"
I have a dresser, bureau and two end tables that seem to me to have a distinctively MCM feel to them. The bureau is in two pieces and has the only remnants of a printed label. That label has a partial name that appears to start with "Martin Fein---" before being obliterated. I have tried Googling that partial name + furniture and a few other terms. I have Google Lensed these photos. None of that has yielded usable results. I need to get rid of these because of a move and would like to know if I should mark it "free" or ask for something for them. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with me.
He's really nervous and can't bring himself to attend but as soon as it's over he calls the gallery owner to see how it went.
"Well, I have good news and bad news.", said the owner.
"Oh god! Give me the good news first.", replied the artist.
"Somebody came in and bought all of your artwork."
"That's wonderful! That's awesome!", cried the artist. "But what's the bad news?"
"It was your doctor."
The clerk is taken aback. "Sister. What are you doing buying such a thing?"
"It's okay.", replied Sister Sally. "It's for the Mother Superior's constipation."
"Oh well then that's okay." and he sells her the gin.
After he closes up shop, he's walking home and sees Sister Sally on the park bench absolutely blotto, just sloppy and singing bawdy songs and making a spectacle of herself.
"Sister!" ,he cried. "I thought you said the gin was for the Mother Superior's constipation!"
"It is.", replied the Sister. "When she sees me like this she's gonna shit!"
He had a paper shirt, a paper jacket, paper pants and even paper chaps!
He wasn't in town an hour before he was arrested for rustling.
The bartender says "Hey! You have a small steering wheel attached to the front of your pants!"
"Arrr. I know", replied the pirate. "It's driving me nuts."