I F***ed up! I slept with a friend I have had for 8 years and consider my best friend and they have a partner.
For context I am a M and my friend a F we are in our later 20’s we have know each other for over 8 years and would say they are my best friend.
We have never had an any romantic in terms of a relationship, it’s always been platonic. In the past we have been on holiday together and even slept in the same bed but nothing happened at any point.
This weekend changed that! Over the last couple of months F has been having doubts about there relationship with there partner. I M have been trying to stay out of it but show support my friend in whatever decision they want to make.
We went out for a few drinks with some mutual friends and it came to light that F had cheated on their partner in the last couple of months and hid this from me and we usually tell each other everything so it came as a shock.
I have always been against cheating and this is partly while I feel so shit because I have become my owe worst enemy and a hypocrite. F was planning to get picked up by their partner but I mentioned they could stay over like I said earlier this wasn’t new for us at all.
F said yes and let there partner know. We had a few more drinks moving from pub to pub ending in a karaoke night at a local. We then came home as F had a busy next day and needed to drive in the morning.
We got in and went to my bedroom, F asked for a top they could wear so I gave them one I asked if they wanted shorts and they said they should be okay (the T-shirt covered everything) I also got changed and we got into the bed.
We turned on Netflix and put on a TV show and was having a general conversation. Overtime F came closer and my hand could feel their ass against it I thought nothing of it at first but then I felt them shifting against it. I then reciprocated and began stroking her leg I felt her hand interlock with mine.
In that moment I said ‘are we sure we want to do this?’ F said yes and from there things got a lil messy, I don’t know if it was the drink, nerves or guilt but after about 10 mins I could maintain my man any longer. So I changed to giving F pleasure for what I think was close to an hour.
When we were done we went to sleep cuddling and that was that. I woke up in the morning thinking wtf. I was so confused about what had unfolded last night. When F woke up I asked if they regretted it and F said ‘No’ F then asked me and I said ‘No’ as it was enjoyable.
Looking back now a few days later, I regret how it happened not what we did. F should have broke up with their parted months ago and if this happened it would have been fine and I wouldn’t feel this level of guilt that goes against my morals.
We just chatted the rest of the morning and I saw them out. Since then I feel like I can’t talk about it as the one person I would tell this to is the person it happened with. There is a mural friend but they can’t be trusted with this as they are quite loose lipped.
I need some advice on how to deal with this whole situation as I don’t want to loose F as they are my best friend and it would bring up so many questions if it did end up that way. Do I need to sit down with them and be open and honest about the whole thing? do I just ignore it as a blip and carry on as normal? Do I ask them if they want to go forward with this different relationship with the conversation that it would be after F and partner separate as I don’t want be a sneaky link? My mind is going crazy thinking about what I need to do next.