I’m struggling with feeling disconnected in my marriage, especially when it comes to physical intimacy. My husband and I have gone long periods without any sexual relationship, and even when we have, it’s been very infrequent. He still shows some affection, like saying he loves me and kissing me goodbye, but there’s no deeper physical or emotional intimacy.
I know he has erectile dysfunction and Type 2 diabetes, which I understand can affect things, and he has recently started trying to take better care of his health. I’ve tried to be patient and understanding of that. At the same time, the lack of intimacy has been really affecting me emotionally. I feel lonely, unwanted, and unattractive. It’s started to impact how I see myself, and I find myself questioning my worth and desirability. I’m also overwhelmed in general—I work full-time as the main provider, often 45 hours a week, and I’m raising two kids, one of whom has autism. By the end of the day, I feel exhausted, which makes it hard for me to initiate anything, even though I know I could.
Because I feel so disconnected, I’ve started noticing other men more, which makes me uncomfortable and a little guilty, but also highlights how much I’m missing that feeling of being desired.
I don’t know if my husband is avoiding intimacy because of his health issues or if he’s emotionally checked out. I’m afraid to bring it up in a way that makes him feel bad, but I also feel like I can’t keep ignoring how much this is affecting me.
I want help figuring out how to communicate my needs, understand what’s really going on in our relationship, and find a way to rebuild connection if possible.