The young and the sexless
My husband (27) and I (HL)(25) Have known each other for 5 years, been together for 3 years and married for one and a half. Before we were together consistently we were dating off and on due to distance (we were both in college). Our relationship started very sexual. It was frequent (when we were in the same town) and sooo good. Like the best I’d ever had. He mentioned that he participated in hookup culture during this time and as did I. We were both HL
When we began dating, after moving to the same town, the sex began to decrease. He was busy with an internship and I was still living with my parents. Then we moved in together and sex became rare (he was in law school and I started my first job). We got married a year and a half ago and we have sex maybe once a month since being married. Usually after I’ve complained for several days in a row and it’s brief and not as passionate as it used to be. We both work intense jobs but this is just now how I thought my marriage would be. I see how we’ve been trending and I don’t foresee it changing anytime soon.
Each time we have discussed the reason for the scarce physical intimacy I am met with a good excuse/reason . He has become increasingly stressed about school/ work, been on drive dampening medications and here lately he’s said because we’ve been fighting that he doesn’t feel close enough to me to have sex. I’m not convinced that he wants to have sex at all. I look nice, keep my figure nice and hair done. I wear nice clothes and keep up with my skin. I know many people would be very pleased to have sex with me. And I’m just so frustrated. I understand stressors but because we both participated in hookup culture, I don’t understand this aversion to just being a “warm body” (his words). We both have used and been used by others to satisfy our sexual need but now the conditions for sex to occur have to be exactly right or it won’t happen.
Part of the reason I chose him to be my partner is because we were so compatible in that area and I was excited to grow with him. I have a high drive and feel insecure about the relationship all the time because it doesn’t feel normal to me. I don’t want to keep harping on this because I’m not going to continue having a conversation that only I am a part of. I know we’re a young couple but is this going to continue to trend this was until we have no sex for several years?