u/Equal-Row-554

I can understand why they did it, but it's just making me want to cut more and do something worse. They even hid my aquarium tweezers and scissors (which is stressing me out because I usually tend to my fish tank on my own to relieve stress, but Joe I need permission to do that), nail clippers and nail files. I just don't understand how I'm supposed to trust them when they can't even trust me with a nail file.

My dad saw some scratches on my stomach just over a week ago and put it all together from there. They gave me the lecture and everything, and we're overall a lot more supportive than I thought they would be, but for some reason it feels a lot worse then having them ranting at me or something. They phoned my school and informed a teacher I had told them I felt comfortable talking to about it as I had previously spoken to him a little about my mental health (though it mostly consisted of him asking me questions, to which I would repond 'I don't know'). I do want to talk to him, but I've always struggled with conveying my emotions and just talking in general (especially around teachers) is quite hard for me to do, so I'm just wondering how I'm supposed to open up when I can barely even muster the courage to say hello in the corridor.

Fast-forward to today, and my dad starts lecturing me when I get back from school, asks me to hand over my blades. I said no and tried to explain that having them there as an option was comforting to me (it also helps me manage suicidal thoughts, but they aren't aware if that, and I don't know that I'd be able to tell them), but my mum goes up and takes my blades anyway, and locks them in the cupboard. I know they have my best interests at heart, but I can't help but feel... Betrayed. Maybe I wouldn't feel like this if they hadn't given me the illusion of an option, or as if to add insult to injury, installed a padlock on the cupboard to serve as a reminder of what's inside every time I go into the kitchen.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore.