I am 16 and I am desperate to stop smoking carts.
I started with edibles in 7th grade, it wasn't a choice but I was surrounded by bad people who kept giving it to me and I didnt know what it was. I was high for a long time I can't remember much, but that's where I believe the addiction emerged from. It was easy for me to stop for a while I didnt have any urges or anything, until that summer came around and I kept wishing I was high. I didnt have access to anything so I just suffered with that temptation. Then 8th grade comes, im stealing alcohol from my parents and that was a problem for a short period of time, I kept being impatient to get home from school just so I could drink it. My memory is a bit fuzzy, but I remember I got caught from drinking alcohol and my parents went through my phone and I would always lie and tell my friends I was high even tho I wasn't (I guess it helped with the temptation of me wanting to be idk) and that made me get in trouble. My dumb self then tried to buy a cart of my own for the first time while I was still grounded. I also believe I would hit my friends cart from time to time but it never really hit me. When I finally got my cart, I got caught that same day by my mom and she took it away which I am now so grateful that she did. So 8th grade I didn't do much involving with weed, but I think I did buy edibles maybe one or two times. Then, 9th grade comes around. That's when the problem got really bad. I remember I bought a couple edibles and I also was surrounded by really bad people and I would hit their carts a lot. It wasn't that bad first semester but towards the end of that semester and second semester that's when it became a daily thing (more carts than edibles) I did it every day. And since that moment, I can't remember when the last time it was when I stopped for at least a month. I thought it would stop when summer came around, but it didnt. I would sneak out and meet up with my friend just to get some stuff. The first day of 10th grade, I was already in the bathroom hitting my friends cart. This has just went on and on, and im high more days than I am sober. My girlfriend, she really wants me to stop. To be honest I feel like such an asshole but she doesn't know that im still doing it and believes that I quit. I wish it has, and there were times I tried my best to quit but I fell so easily into temptation. It's towards the end of 10th grade now, and im caring for my future with my girlfriend more than ever. I don't even fein for it, it's just difficult for me to stop. I am also very terrified for my future, will I randomly get some consequences even tho I have stopped? I don't want that happening I need to be as healthy as I can possibly be especially for my girlfriend. What also makes it harder is thst I believe I have some mental issues, and then there's just some days where im really sad, thinking about dying, and I just hit someone's cart because "idgaf" not that it'll make me feel better or anything. I don't know, to whoever reads this thank you for reading all of it, please I need some advice and I also need to know if im ruined or not for my future.