I (21M) can’t tell if I’m sabotaging a good connection because of anxiety/insecurity
I (21M) met a girl (22F) recently and things became intense very quickly.
We connected a lot mentally at first. We would talk for hours every day about random/deep topics like psychology, AI, consciousness, the universe, relationships, etc. It felt very natural and stimulating. There was also a strong physical attraction almost immediately.
We started sleeping together pretty fast, but then something happened that completely messed with my head: I started having erectile issues with her specifically. I’d be attracted to her, things would start normally, and then I’d lose my erection before or during sex. This has never happened to me before, so it really hit my confidence and made me overthink everything.
The weird part is that she’s actually been understanding about it. She didn’t shame me or act mean. She still flirts with me a lot, asks when we’re seeing each other, proposed a bivouac weekend together, made a list of activities she wants us to do together, sleeps on me, kisses me constantly, etc.
She’s also very playful and flirtatious in the way she talks, which sometimes confuses me because I can’t always tell whether she’s looking for something deeper or just keeping things light and casual.
Now I feel like I’m constantly swinging emotionally between:
- “she genuinely likes me”
and
- “I’m probably just the guy she’s sleeping with right now.”
I also noticed that most of my anxiety happens when we’re apart texting. When I’m actually with her in person, things usually feel much simpler and more natural.
Part of me wants to keep seeing her because I genuinely enjoy her and feel a strong connection. Another part of me wants to cut everything off because I feel emotionally overwhelmed and exhausted from overthinking everything.
I honestly can’t tell anymore if:
- my gut is warning me that we’re incompatible,
or
- if my insecurities/anxiety are making me sabotage something potentially good.
Has anyone experienced something similar?
TL;DR: Met a girl recently, very strong connection emotionally/intellectually/physically, but I started having erectile issues with her which triggered massive insecurity and overthinking. She still seems interested and invested, but I keep oscillating between feeling close to her and wanting to cut everything off to escape the anxiety.