u/Equivalent-Ad3180

Maine kal hi apni dadi ko ek naya phone laakar diya.

Aur hairani ki baat hai... mohalle ki police bohot tej action mein aayi. Subah-subah hi dadi ko uthane aa gayi.

Main toh police ko dekhte hi unhi ki side ho gaya — "Sir seedha le jaiye, charging cable bhi deta hoon"

full taane marne laga tha mai- "Jis se khud ke peene ka gilaas nahi uthaya jata.. woh Oppo A7 ke liye poori relay race daud gayi."

par daadi jate hue emotional kar gayee, mere hath mai 100 ruppe rakh ke chali gayee,

hai toh daadi hi na, aur boli -

isme sim dalwa ke candy crush dal ke , khane ke sath lete anna.

New bit.
Open to roast + suggestions

Mera ek dost hai… thoda gay hai, par maanta nahi.

Ek din hum cafe mein baithe thae, befaltu ungli kar raha tha, toh mai kilas gya aur maine kaha — ‘Oye, bahut ho gaya ab, teri gaand maar lunga.

harami bina ankh japkaye bolta hai— ‘Aur main kya… peeth khujwane ke liye kar raha hoon?

Polishing for open mic — feedback appreciated

Setup: Mere ghar mein sab teacher hain...

aur main unka sabse

Punchline: kharab testimonial hoon,

Tag1: ye line bhi meri mummy ne 4 thappda mar ke ratwai hai

Tag2: mai toh testical hi bol raha tha

Tag3: Sharam ki baat ye hai, mere maa baap ne taali mari hai ki, finaly he is self aware,

escalation Tag: pehle do barri mummy hassi, dusre ke baad thappad tej ho gaye,

yehi hai meri mummy ka teaching style, unse 100 baar koi nhi puch pata hai

tessre ke baad toh mujhe laga ki sahi bol diya tha maine , per woh jab tak flow mai a chuki thi

aur bolti hui aurat or marti hui ko kabhi nhi rokna chahiye, uske baad jayda hatha pai pe a jati h, (Act out) ki ungli kaese dikha raha hai

Tag 4: unki ankho mai dikh raha tha ki koi itna "nehayti gawar kese ho sakta hai",

Tag5: delivery ke time bhi apne hi ghar leke gayee the mai

Throwayline: maine dekha hai meri mummy, jab bhi mujhe kuch padhati hai ya normal baeth ti hai

toh unhne sarre hi khude life decision yaad a jate hai, (hightening the tone) aur firr woh saare hi accumate karke jawab deti hai

weak joke: jo ki mostly violence hi hota h,

Punch: mere aur south delhi baddie mai koi antar nhi hai, hum dono ke yaha kuch bana hua hai, bss mere wala chunne mai dard hota hai

pata nhi kyu chidi rehti hai, meri pronunciation skill se chid ti hai

arts ki student hai na woh mai science ka ,

punchline : apne se achi english, history seh nhi pati h