u/Equivalent-Age-9669

Hey guys, first time posting here, sorry if I mess something up. I’m 17 and I’ve been curious about some mental stuff.

To put it simply, I pretty much don’t care about people dying. Genuinely, if my best friend, someone I love, or even a family member died, my brain just goes, “welp, guess I’ll need a new one.” I used to think this was normal and that everyone thought this way, but I told ChatGPT and apparently it’s not.

Some other things are that I don’t really care if I live or not. I’m way too scared to kill myself, but if I could just snap myself out of existence painlessly, I probably would. At the same time, I don’t really identify as depressed. I stress a lot about things, get bored easily, and sometimes feel empty, but I also have fun sometimes, I think. I’m honestly not really sure. My emotions are kind of up and down.

I do remember feeling a lot lonelier and more depressed as a kid than I do now, although I still feel mentally unstable.

I think overall it's a strange experience because I don't think I'm as depressed as other people here, but this "feeling" that I have is really confusing.

Here are some other stuff probably more unrelated.

1. Time is messed up: I sometimes feel like things that just happened happened ages ago.

2. Reality feels distorted: Sometimes I don't believe anything exists, and that it's just me who actually feels "consciousness.

3. I overthink things: While pretty common, I overthink things so severely and hyper-focus on literally nothing.

That's it thanks for reading.

My friend invited me to prom, and for a little while it actually felt like I was part of something normal. But when I got home, everything just hit me at once. I ended up crying so hard because all I could think about was how much of life I’ve missed out on. Like, there’s this whole world everyone else gets to be part of, and I’m just… not in it. It hurts so bad I don’t even know how to explain it properly. It’s not just being sad for a moment it’s this constant, heavy feeling that doesn’t go away. And the worst part is my parents don’t care. At all. They’re so cold about everything, like my feelings don’t even matter. I know people are gonna say “just get therapy,” but that’s not even an option for me. I just feel stuck. And even when I think about getting out someday, I’m scared it won’t actually get better. Like I’ll still be alone and not know how to find my place anywhere.

I’m so tired of feeling like this.

I'm so angry I can't help it anymore. I'm in a complex situation where I'm in University but because I'm 17 my parents get to be control freaks and force me to commute to college. Now one of the girls from my class asked me out on a date and I said yes, but this was my biggest mistake, because one time when I left my phone down, I got a text and my parents heard the notification grabbed my phone and started reading through our DMs. When they eventually found out I was talking to a girl, they took my phone and said I won't get it back for 6 months. They also texted her saying that I'm not allowed to date or something I wasn't able to see exactly. I literally don't know how I'm supposed to function without my phone, I LITERALLY can't see if anyone has messaged me, I'm so stressed I don't know what I can do. I don't even know what the point of this post is, I just feel like I needed to tell someone.