Hi everyone. I wanted to come on here to get some advice and hear some perspectives on my current dating situation.
I’m currently in a relationship with my boyfriend of about a year. I’m in my late 20s and he’s in his early 30s. We have been having constant issues- mostly with the fact that there are people in my life who are homophobic.
To give context, I grew up very conservative Christian and have many family members and friends that believe that being in a gay relationship is morally wrong. The big villains in my life are my parents who refuse to meet my boyfriend and have even told me that they “puked” when I asked for them to spend time with him. My mom literally said “how could you ask your mom that?” This was very upsetting to me and I spent some time with my boyfriend deeply sobbing because of how my parents are/treating us. While I have dramatically decreased the amount that I see my parents- I still will go back home for holidays on the weekends. This tends to be like 1 weekend every 2-3 months. Obviously, my boyfriend has not been invited by my parents which is rightfully upsetting to him. Additionally, I have many friends that identify as Christian. Many of them treat me well and love me, but I know that in their mind they see my relationship as illegitimate. Most of the time they hark on me for not believing in God rather than being in a gay relationship. Outside of that, these relationships are still very good and fulfilling to me. I love them and they mean the world to me. My boyfriend has met many of these folks and they interact pretty friendly with him (one even invited him to their wedding).
The problem lies in how my boyfriend and I perceive the situation. He feels excluded and isolated. He was upset that I went to my parents house one weekend and then the next weekend left to see my other Christian friends that I hadn’t seen in a while. He was not invited to both- 1. The parents did not say I could bring him. 2. I planned the weekend with my friends as a solo trip so I could talk to them about the relationship and where I was at in my sexuality/spirtual journey. I think that it is very understandable that he is upset but the sense that I get from him is that he wants me to do more (ie. Standing up for him, removing some of these people from my life). My issue is that exerting more pressure (more specifically on my parents) could lead to the end of really important relationships. While I disagree with these people, I really don’t want to lose my friendships and familial relationships. It is painful that they are not accepting but I am even more pained at the thought of losing them.
I’m having a hard time figuring out how to balance my romantic relationship with my familial/friend relationships in the context of their homophobia. Any advice for how to handle this situation. I’m hoping some queer folks can understand the situation and speak to what has helped them navigate homophobia and their relationship.