Nearly a year since my posts realizing my girlfriend is abusive… I’m embarrassed to say I still haven’t broken up with her. It’s a crazy thing to say given I’m aware of the abuse and I have a support system (a therapist, my own finances, my own place.. we’ve even gone long distance) but still I just haven’t been able to.
I’ve recently been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, so maybe in some way that is a contributing factor? (Fear of abandonment, extreme stress about others negative perceptions, dependency) Along with my general shame about being a male abuse victim.
I’m still completely unable to approach the topic of breaking up, I don’t even know how to start… were high school sweethearts, it’s my first “real breakup” given my middle school “girlfriend” was just a simple shrug and move on. Lol.
All of this is sort of off topic, apologies. The main reason I came back to this subreddit was to ask HOW could I possibly approach this??? How am I supposed to do the cut off, I don’t want to leave her without an explanation.. and that messed up dependent part of me wants to maybe even stay friends or something after since the idea of never being around her again seems daunting. But I also feel like I need to do it, not only has she withdrawn recently (though it’s mixed, she barely talks to me but when she does she still acts like we are deeply in love) and is even starting to show that she wants other men (subtle hints of enjoyment and indulgences in other men’s attention I think she uses to mess with me, denies/avoids the topic if I ask her outright so.. no clear answer if that’s real or in my head.)