Hi everyone, I really need some perspective because I feel emotionally exhausted and stuck.
I (31F) had a baby a few months ago with my husband (34M). Before I got pregnant, our relationship already had issues—we argued a lot to the point where I seriously considered divorce that was until I found out I was pregnant. During my pregnancy, we almost parted ways but he promised to be better so I gave him another chance and things improved significantly and he seemed to step up, especially toward the end and right after I gave birth. For the first few days postpartum, he was beyond supportive and helpful.
But after that, everything changed.
He started picking fights constantly, dismissing my feelings, and even told me that my crying was “fake” when I was freshly postpartum. That period was incredibly difficult for me, and if my family hadn’t been around, I honestly think I would have fallen into a deep depression. I didn’t feel loved, cared for, or supported at all during a time when I needed it most.
Now, fast forward to today, I feel like the emotional side of our marriage is completely gone. He provides financially and helps with a few household chores, but that’s about it. I don’t feel emotionally connected to him, and I don’t feel like he prioritizes my wellbeing.
On top of that, we’re having a major conflict about having another baby.
Initially, I wanted to wait 18 months before trying again. I compromised to 12 months, then to 9 months. He refuses to compromise at all and wants to start trying immediately (he’s been saying this since I was only 2 months postpartum). I’m not comfortable with that at all, especially because I don’t feel fully physically recovered yet and am still experiencing pain.
I’ve told him I’m okay with using condoms in the meantime, but he refuses. He says I’m “not allowed” to use birth control, and even told me that if I took it behind his back, it would be “like cheating.” Because of this, I’ve refused intimacy unless we use protection, and he’s now withdrawing and walking away when I bring it up.
He’s also recently started accusing me of denying him his Islamic rights as a husband and has said things like I’m “forcing him to look at other women,” which honestly really hurt to hear. I do think he says this out of anger, but it still affects me and adds pressure to an already difficult situation.
This whole situation is creating a lot of distance between us, and I feel like intimacy has turned into a power struggle instead of something loving.
At this point, I feel:
- emotionally unsupported
- pressured about my body and pregnancy
- disconnected from him
- and honestly, just really unhappy
I’m trying to be fair and I’ve already compromised a lot, but I don’t feel like he’s meeting me halfway at all.
Am I being unreasonable for wanting to wait and for insisting on protection? And more importantly, how do you deal with a situation where your partner is providing financially but not emotionally present at all?
I don’t know if this is something that can be fixed or if I’m just ignoring bigger issues. Also he doesn't believe in therapy or counseling as his friends have influenced him into thinking it's a scam (unless it's free) so that's off the table unfortunately.
Any advice would really mean a lot.
TL;DR:
Husband (34M) and I (31F) had a baby a few months ago. Since giving birth, I haven’t felt emotionally supported or loved, and he was dismissive during a difficult postpartum period. Now he’s pressuring me to have another baby immediately, refuses condoms or birth control, and accuses me of denying his rights. I don’t feel physically recovered and am still in pain. I’ve already compromised on timing but he won’t. Am I being unreasonable for wanting to wait and insisting on protection, and how do I handle a marriage where he provides financially but isn’t emotionally present?